give me....

 

this morning i am really frustrated.  in fact i have muttered the f-word more times in a two hour span than i do in a typical week.  without any specifics i announced my frustration on blip.me.  it seems only fitting that i expunge my frustration in a more articulate way here. 

i think there are two types of people in this world.  there are givers and there are takers.  i haven't run across any human that falls in the middle of these two, but they might be out there.  the givers seem to give freely and the takers take eagerly.  i suppose in the end it balances itself out, but i'm wondering if the giver gets the short end of the stick?

i am a giver.  i give what i have without an expectation in return.  wait, i do have an expectation.  my expectation is that what i give is appreciated.  i will get back to this.  as i was saying, i give because it makes me feel good. 

the taker is taxing on a giver.  i'm not sure if they even realize how much they take.  let me give you an example...

i love to cook.  i love to cook for myself, for others, and just because.  the kitchen is definitely my happy place.  now let's say you and i are dating.  i will cook for you anytime you are in my home, and i will probably cook whatever you ask for if i have the right ingredients.  i do this because i am showing how much i care and maybe hoping the old wives tale a way to a man's heart is through his stomach might be true.  then lets say we go out to dinner, correction he says he is taking you out to dinner, but when it comes time to pay the bill he casually says do you want to split it?  are you freaking kidding me? 

this is the expectation i was referencing above.  i don't necessarily want someone to cook for me, i lose out on my joy of cooking.  however, if you tell me you are taking me out to dinner and then ask me to pay for my own meal i feel like you haven't appreciated all that went into the meals that i have made for you; the time, the money (let's face it groceries aren't cheap) or the effort.

in all fairness to the taker, the giver sets themselves up.  the taker by design is just that, an opportunist so to speak.  they will take advantage of any situation that benefits them; a free meal, a comfy bed, a good time, or a life advancement.  if it means that they save money, they save time, they save face, they save whatever they are on board.  but where does that leave the person who is giving all this to the taker?  in my opinion, the giver is left feeling used.  left feeling under appreciated for their generosity.  left wondering why they put themselves in a one sided situation.  this is what i mean by the giver setting themselves up. 

where does this leave us?  well, the giver is never going to stop giving, it is in their nature to do so.  the same is true for the taker, they will continue to take what is presented.  the taker needs to throw the giver a bone every now and then to show them that their generosity is noticed, welcomed and appreciated.  the giver needs to grow a spine and teach the taker what their expectation is.  but even then it's not always cake and cookies, sometimes there just isn't a remedy.