i recently had a conversation with a male friend who used these words i'm broken? i wanted to know what that meant to him, so obviously i asked what does that mean? i was curious if a males perspective of being broken was similar to my females perspective. turns out it was very similar.
his answer: you can have my body, but not my heart.
isn't it crazy how detrimental our internal dialogue can be? why do we tell ourselves that we aren't worth the risk, that we are unworthy of love? i know i am guilty of this, but there are so many people in my life who hear me say this and say hogwash.
i hope that my friend, the one mentioned above, will realize that he is wonderful exactly the way he is. change his broken anthem to bruised. get rid of the dragon, come on that is just scary. keep some of the booby traps, who doesn't love an obstacle course? tear down some of the walls, but keep the ones that bury the pain you don't want to revisit again. lastly let the light shine through and find the warmth that comes from sharing yourself with another, body and heart.
as for me, i don't have that discussion with myself very often, but i definitely slip up occasionally. i am going to leave you with this thought a dear friend of mine shared me, when the right person enters your life they will not only look past all of your supposed baggage but help you unpack.
4 comments:
I so get that "I'm broken" thing. Once you've been so badly hurt and betrayed by the one person who was never supposed to do that....it breaks something in you. I'm still broken, and it's been almost a year since I was devastated by my partner of 20 years. Married for 16 years. It's really hard for me to imagine trusting someone completely again, because it was such a shock that it happened in the first place. I am also a hopeless romantic though, and don't want to close the door on the possibility of finding someone who loves me, and appreciates my son and his special needs as a blessing. I was a loving, intensely loyal, and dedicated wife. I'm a loving, patient and protective mom, and I'm a good person. I deserve the chance to find love again, and be loved. I truly hope that I can let down my own defenses enough to try. I hope that I don't punish someone else for my ex's indiscretions. I suppose knowing that could happen, is reason enough to keep it from happening?
There's hope for those of us who are broken. I have to believe that.
sonia...you are amazing. thank you for sharing a snippet of your story. i myself am three years out and still find difficult spots, but like you i have to believe that this is all part of the journey and plan.
Well, thank you Heather. This brought up some more thoughts for me......How do you prove that you won't hurt someone who's been dragged over the coals already? I would think that going through what I've been through, would be enough to prove to someone who's been through the same thing, that I wouldn't hurt them. I guess there are men out there who are more gun-shy than me!
i don't think you can. i think the man has to get to a point where they believe in who they are. once you believe you are worth the love and affection from another you will accept it graciously. until then i think you are suspicious. i also think that we don't intend to hurt others.
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