long time, no write...

hello!

i've been on a writing hiatus, not sure if two months counts as a hiatus, but it feels like much longer.  i haven't written anything.  no journaling of any kind.  no love notes.  no hate mail.  hardly any facebooking.  i must admit that i miss it.  i miss the creativity. i miss the clearing of my head.  i miss the outlet.  i miss sharing.  it's funny how the very reasons i wanted to take a break are the very things i am missing in my life.

so what the heck have i been doing the past couple of months?

marathon update...i didn't do it.  gasp!  i really did give it a good go, but my body wasn't having any part of it. training was going well until about mile 10.  yeah i know, not even half way, but let me explain.  first off you should know i come to the table with the cards stacked against me; my hips naturally rotate out while my knees naturally rotate in.  this natural deformity in my lower half puts a ton of strain on my joints.  twice, i have had custom orthotics and somehow i have lost both rights, or maybe it is lefts, in any case i have two of the same foot.  with that said, training was going well and then one day my luck ran out.  everything was going great, my knees weren't bothering me, my breathing was fabulous, my butt wasn't jiggling as much as usual, the sun was out, i was making good time and flo was happy.  i was on my way back (i had done an out and back instead of a loop run) flat pavement, no rocks, no twisting and my right hip started hurting, a sharp pain in the socket.  i slowed down a bit and the pain started migrating down my leg.  i slowed down even more.  i slowed down so much i sat down on the pavement and started stretching.  i ended up hobbling off the trail to my car.  by the end of the night i wasn't able to put any pressure on my leg without yelping in pain.  my children had a really hard time keeping a straight face, but i was in serious pain.  i ended up going to the doc, where i got an answer that i wasn't really buying, but went with it.  long story short, i tried running again a couple of weeks later and was still having major problems.  at this point my ankles were killing me, felt like my bones were grinding each other.  my knees were protesting with every stride.  my right hip was screaming at me to stop.  i was loaded up on a regimen of pain relievers and ice.  i realized i had to make a decision; my choices were ruin my internal organs with pain relievers and hopefully be able to walk with a cane after the race or throwing away my ambitions of running an organized race and be able to walk without the use of a cane.  i chose to walk without a cane.  i'm only 39, i would like a few more years of parading around in ridiculous heels.  i haven't completely given up my desire to run a marathon, i will definitely give it another go, however next time i will train at a much slower pace, work my way up to 26 miles and then go for a run one day.

dating...during my writing hiatus i was seeing someone.  it was oddly strange to not share the details of my romantic life, but in the same sense it was nice to have that entanglement just between us.  with every entanglement i learn something about myself.  what did i learn recently?  i am very set in my ways.  since the beginning of my single journey i have feared this very thing.  i have often wondered if i will become so set in my ways that i will have a hard time entertaining doing things differently. i now know that yes i will have a hard time entertaining doing things differently.  some would call this stubbornness, but i would like to put a positive spin on it and call it being comfortable in my skin and knowing what i like.  so there you have it yet another misadventure in dating, but i haven't given up hope.  thankfully my girlfriends and their better halves don't mind having me as their token single friend.

home life...i recently had my home broken in to.  this is a very unsettling thing to have happen.  if this has happened to you, you will get it, if not maybe i can shed some light on it.  i had come home from a weekend with the girls.  my front door was locked, just as i had left it.  i walked in and everything was just as i had left it, or so i thought.  i went to plug in my phone, which i typically connect to my macbook to charge.  so i walked over to the end table where my macbook lives and it wasn't there. hmmm...  i looked at the other table where my tablet lives and that wasn't there either.  i looked around the house and didn't see anything else out of place.  i called my kids thinking they had been by over the weekend and moved things around or took them over to their dad's house, but they hadn't been there.  at this point the only thing i noticed missing was the electronics.  my mindset was "eh not a huge deal nobody was hurt and my house wasn't ransacked, it is just stuff". so i went out to dinner, but while i was at dinner i thought maybe i should check my jewelry.  when i got home, i immediately checked my jewelry and sure enough it was all gone: my wedding ring, my grandma's jewelry, and all the other valuable jewelry i owned.  now i was upset, those items are things i can't replace and they held sentimental value.  i was up all night, i couldn't sleep a wink and i totally freaked myself out.  it was super windy out that night and my front door rattled with every gust and the motion light kept coming on in the back.  i sat on my couch looking from door to door like i was watching a tennis match.  i called the authorities the next morning, gave my statement and have been waiting ever since.  so far nothing has been recovered.  the few days after the break in, i was really freaked out.  it was so unsettling because it didn't appear that anyone had been there, so i kept wondering what else they had touched.  did they get in my bed? i washed my sheets. did they look in my delicates drawer?  i washed all that stuff too.  at this point, life is back to normal minus some jewelry and computers.  we are locked up a little tighter and i have successfully locked myself out a few times, but hey that just means so nobody else can get in either.

outside of those major things, life is pretty good;  kids are back in school, soccer season is in full swing, and my life is comfortably structured and scheduled.  i've been cooking a lot, getting in a little exercise, playing a lot of words with friends, reading, and making memories with my kids, family and friends.  hopefully life is just as happy and cozy in your neck of the woods.

mystery ahead...

it has been months since i have written anything.  i take that back, i write all the time, i simply haven't shared any of it.  lately my writing has been in the form of letters, with actual pen and paper, that never get sent, or papers that are read and graded by a professor i've never met in person, or entries in my private journal.

over the few years i have done this blogging thing, my need for blogging has changed.  when i first started blogging, i was smack dab in the middle of getting divorced.  my world was crazy, unpredictable, emotional, and uncomfortable.  i was having trouble making heads or tails of anything. the writing process was simply to make sense of everything swirling around in my head.  not only was i writing publicly, but i started a musing of the last 15 years.  60 pages in and i had to put it down.  i've picked it up a few times, but i'm never satisfied with how the story unfolds and truthfully it is hard to read.  maybe someday i will pick it back up and turn it into a masterpiece?

then the next phase of blogging started.  for almost a year i was a prolific poster. blogging left and right about the craziness i call "flo's life." this phase included everything and the kitchen sink: mommy failures, dating adventures, time spent with my friends, and a run down of new things from restaurants to experiences. during this time of my life i was very revealing.  regardless of whether i struggled or triumphed, i put it all out there.  part of that journey was being accountable.  i figured if i put everything out there i would have to be that same person virtually and in real life.  this is not to say that i was being fake virtually or in real life, it simply means that i was being as real, honest and transparent as possible.

although i don't regret living my life that way.  during this time i grew so much as a person, discovering who i really am and what i really want out of life, but i also discovered that there are definite downsides to being so transparent.  for one, i deprived someone new the opportunity to discover what i am all about in person. a savvy somebody can simply jump online and study everything there is to know about me over the last five years. that somebody then comes to the table with a list of questions that you wouldn't typically get to until one week, two weeks, or months later.

the other downside is i've lost people in my life over things i have said.  again, i don't regret anything i've shared.  every experience, every post, every emotion was impactful to me at the time.  i have however learned to wait until i've had a chance to simmer down and gain some perspective before sharing.  this growth has minimized the uncomfortable in person conversations with friends and family. i have never shared something in an attempt to intentionally hurt someone else, but i know i have hurt people in the process and i am sorry.

we jump to present time and i have a completely different need in regards to blogging.  i'm craving some mystery. i no longer have this need to feel accountable to me.  nor do i have this pressing need to organize the thoughts in my head.  i just want to experience life with the people i experience it with.  i'm not really sure where that leaves me in terms of blogging, but for now it means that i will be pretty quiet.

thank you for sharing in the process.

happy birthday shreddie...

today is shreddie's birthday.  

we met 9 years ago when our children were going into kindergarten.

she was a wreck, i was ecstatic.

we became fast friends.

you hear people say, "i can't imagine my life without you"

well, i truly can't imagine my life without shreddie

we celebrate birthdays together

we go camping

she's kinda special

she wears this crazy cowboy hat, a lot

she's the glue that keeps our big group together

whatever we are doing it is done with a smile

 and lots of laughter

  

 happy birthday shreddie!

i love you 

visit from an old friend...

my dreams have been crazy lately.  this is probably due to a lack of sleep from an over active mind and some self induced stress. last night i was exhausted before i even made it to my bed.  i had a much needed weekend with the girls, came home took a run, did some homework, a load of laundry, and watched a little telly.

i stumbled to my room, flopped down on my bed, and my eyes were wide open like a porcelain doll. does this ever happen to you?  it drives me bananas when this happens.  so, i picked up my book to read for a bit.  next thing, i jolted awake with my light still on and my book tented across my chest. so i closed up my book, turned off my light, and closed my eyes.  then they popped back open. i did this three or four times before really falling asleep.

somewhere in happy nappy land, J came to me in my dreams.  i think of him every time i see the sun streaming through the clouds or watch the sun dip behind the mountains.  J was always a voice of reason, a source of peacefulness, and had the uncanny ability to sneak in a quip just to lighten the mood.  although i think of him frequently, my thoughts never include his face, it's more of a feeling. the last time i saw his face was through pictures at his memorial this past october.

like most dreams, the details are kind of fuzzy.  i have no idea where i was or what i was doing, but a truck pulled up along side me, on a gravel road, and a familiar drawl said howdy.  i don't recall what we talked about it was a dream.  it could have been anything from armadillos to politics or armadillos as politicians. who knows? what i do know is that it was so nice to see his face and hear his voice.

i woke with a feeling of peace.  when J was alive, and the couple of times we talked throughout the year, there was a revolving theme to our conversations.

peace

it seems so easy, but it is something i struggle with.  i am a person who wants answers, hates unfinished business and will drive myself, and everyone else, crazy obsessing about it. J was someone who always had a ready ear.  J never tried to solve any of my issues, he knew he couldn't, he just listened.  once i was done complaining about the unjustice in my world, he would turn the conversation to the earth: the sun on your face, the grass between your toes, the sing song of a bird, the wisp of smoke from a campfire, or the howl of a coyote in the distance.  

i miss being able to have those talks, but it seems like a cameo in my dream worked just as well. thank you J, it was nice to see you old friend. 

an enhanced happy...

i am ridiculously happy.  you should be prepared for an overload of mushy-gushy, sappy posts for awhile.

so i started this, just those two sentences, on march twenty-seventh.  ridiculously happy really isn't how i'm currently feeling and i'm not full of mush-gushy, sappy thoughts, but life isn't terrible.  sure i'm having crazy dreams; two nights ago i was playing catch with my pet alligator.  the alligator was jumping around my living room like a chihuahua.  it was really weird.  oh and my son is struggling a bit with school, but we will turn that around.  my last quarter of school looks like a doozy, hopefully i can keep my GPA up.  and my heart feels bruised, but bruises always heal, right?

often times i've said happiness is a choice. i can recall several times i have said this to people who are in the dumps.  sorry about that, what a terrible thing to say. when you are in the throws of sadness it is hard to think of anything happy, but it is possible.  it is all about changing your perspective. instead of focusing, in my case obsessing, about the things that are going wrong, you have to start thinking about all the things that are right.

i feel like i have to do this exercise a lot, but every time i do i definitely feel better about things.  so here goes nothing...

first and foremost i have the best friends and family any guy, gal, land creature (minus sloths i don't like those), sea creature, or alien could ask for.  they share in my misery (for a second), share their true and honest opinions (some of those opinions are like taking a fist to the gut), then encourage me to pick myself up and rejoin my life.

not just life in general, but my life.  

you wanna know why?  

my life rocks!   

how is it not possible to be happy about wonderful people?  

but wait there is more...

i am in good health.  we often take our health for granted.  shoot, i have a sister who is missing a finger and mother who has battled and won her battle with cancer.  every day i wake up without any major aches or pains. that is definitely something to be happy about because i know lots of people, my age, just trying to get through the day with minimal pain.  i just started my "soft training" for a marathon i am registered to run the end of september.  a marathon?!  yep, i'm going to cross it off the bucket list this year.

besides being in good health, i am aging well.  i know looks aren't everything, but heck it helps my overall ego to be able to look in the mirror and say not too shabby, flo. 

i have the ability to go on tons of adventures.  i get out there and do things, except riding bicycles i don't really care for that so much.  i have a ticket to go see a comedy show, i just have to pick which one.  i will be sitting in a large comfy booth all by myself but i don't care, i'm going to laugh my sides out.  i'm going to hike more this year.  i have the shoes, the packs, and the will it is time to explore a little more.  i do need some new ideas, so if you have any throw them my way. 

changing your perspective is hard.  i will probably still falter and have a down day here and there, but overall things aren't so bad.  time to rejoin my life. 

you're not strong enough...

have you ever had a dream that you woke up so terrified you checked your body just to make sure you are in one piece and unscathed?  there aren't too many things that i'm really afraid of: outliving my children is one, dolls is another, using a microphone is definitely up there, and being forced to have sex is near the top.  i don't think too often about outliving my children, but occasionally it crosses my mind especially if i am watching a movie with that plot.  i live with a scary doll, i don't ever disturb her, but i am always aware that she is in my attic.  i have had to use a microphone a couple of times in the past couple of months and it makes me want to vomit every time.  i don't usually put myself questionable positions where i could possibly be raped, but i had a dream about that very thing just the other night...

____________________________________________________________

it started off very normal.  i was hanging out with someone i knew, at their place, to watch a movie. we got settled on the couch, turned on the movie, and i promptly dozed off.

this is where dreams get weird, i don't know how i got there, but the next "scene" we were in his bed.  i was wearing a tank top and a pair of his boxers. 

we were just sleeping, he rolled over to cuddle, when his hands started wandering.  i told him to cut it out, but he kept on with his exploration.  i grabbed his hand and again say "cut it out."  then he grabbed my hands, jumped on top of me, and said "what's the matter? it will feel good."

dreams are strange in the sense that you get to watch yourself react or not react. i could see the fear in my eyes. i watched myself struggle and wrestle trying to get out from underneath his weight. i could hear myself pleading with this friend i've known and trusted.

he was able to pin me down with one hand and use the other hand to do as he pleased.  he laughed at my resistance and said, "you're not strong enough." even though i was thrashing around, telling him to stop, and fighting mercilessly, i was basically helpless.

he finally stopped and asked to just cuddle.  he wrapped his arms around me in a caring embrace, but i was rigid with fear. once he fell asleep i got out from his embrace and left.

____________________________________________________________

i woke up in a panic, sweating, and gasping for breath.  i still had my eighteen layers of clothes on, but i checked my wrists and legs for bruises anyhow.  there weren't any.  the fear i felt in my dream was real and carried through to the moment i opened my eyes.  i sat in my bed and cried, alone and scared.  i'm not even sure when i fell back to sleep, but i woke up with my alarm so i must have at some point.

this is the closest i have ever been to a scenario like this and it was absolutely terrifying. even more terrifying than i could have imagined.  i'm pretty sure those words "you're not strong enough" will send a chill down my spine anytime i hear them.

#foreversingle reigns...

it has been a long time since i've jumped into something with two feet.  really jumped in.  stripped down with no hiding places.  i've never been skinny dipping, no it is not on my bucket list, but jumping into a relationship this way was liberating and scary.

ah, you caught the "was" didn't you?  sigh.  for one glorious month, i was higher than cloud nine, but those eternally sunny skies turned gray and i started plummeting towards the ground.  big risks either lead to big rewards or big failures, this was somewhere in the middle.

it is no secret that i have been on lots of dates.  that sounds terrible, but i'm always hopeful that the right guy is just around corner.  how are you supposed to know if you don't actually meet people, right?  anyway, back to these dates, i have met nice men, handsome men, funny men, completely ridiculous men, and a handful of jackasses.  there always seems to be something lacking. sometimes that isn't apparent the first or second meeting, but with enough conversation and face to face time it is generally me who puts an end to things.

anyway, what i wanted to talk about was what i learned from my latest escapade. although it didn't last long and i crashed hard, i am thankful for the experience.

i have had this looming feeling that there might not be the right guy out there for me.  when you date and nothing really materializes you start to feel like something is seriously wrong with yourself.  it was amazing to feel like i was exactly what he was looking for; that my baggage wasn't too heavy, that my kids weren't a burden, and that my silly quirk personality was perfect.  that i was enough.  it has been years since i have felt that way and i couldn't get enough of it.

i am generally a happy person. i almost always have a giant cheesy grin spread across my face.  for that one month my happy was enhanced.  it has been so long since i was around someone who made me feel like a teenager crushing on her first boyfriend.  i felt like i was skipping everywhere.  there are people in the world who never get to experience that kind of happy, i am thankful that for a short period of time i got to feel that way.

i learned that my kids should see me in a loving happy relationship and that they feed off that energy. yes, i introduced him to my kids.  yes, that is really out of character for me, but it felt right. i have kept my kids miles away from any type of relationship i have entered for the past few years. they are getting older and i have wondered if shielding them is really in their best interest.  this is not to say that i'm going to start bringing around random men, and maybe i did jump the gun just a bit introducing them to him, but maybe they are old enough to be apart of that part of my life.  there is something beneficial about my kids seeing me with a man that enhances my happy.

meeting him and sharing my life with him has made me realize that i should keep an open mind and not get discouraged.  it just wasn't the right time for him and i.  i am hopeful that the right man is out there for me and that our paths just haven't crossed at the right time yet.  for now, i get to employ my favorite hashtag #foreversingle.

on the same page...

i've never been one of those people who believe in love at first sight.  lust at first sight? absolutely. love? no.  i do however believe that certain people click. sometimes that happens instantaneously. it's not love, but it is something to pay attention to.  i am currently in that pay attention mode.

for those single folk out there, do you have basic guidelines that help narrow down the field?  for instance: age, distance, kids/no kids, smoker, drinker, 420 friendly, height?  the list could really go on and on.  my basic guidelines, which have really been my set in stones, are age, distance, and kids.  i admittedly have turned a blind eye to anyone who didn't fit the bill.

imagine my surprise when my path randomly crossed a man's path that didn't fit the bill, but we clicked. instantly. the first time our eyes connected i thought this is someone i'm meant to know.  i know, i get all amped up about men, but this is different. the reason it is different is because we are on the same page.  usually it is just me, or it is just him, but rarely is it both of us on the same page at the same time.

not too long ago, i was having a discussion with a single man friend about dating in general.  i had said to him, and i have always believed this, "when you meet the right person, you will know."  he quickly countered with, "i've thought i met the right gal, but that didn't pan out."  i knew what he meant.  if you've followed my adventures from the beginning you will come across post after post of i've met him, only to be followed up with a false alarm, he wasn't the one.  

let me share with you how on par we are.  last week we were out to dinner, just sitting there chatting about the day when i said, "i wrote you a note today." he froze, "that is so weird, i wrote you a note today."  i pulled mine out of my purse, he pulled his out of his pocket and we swapped.  after a few minutes of just staring at each other, we opened and read them.

the body of our notes said nearly the same thing.  in our own words of course, but we had written each other the same sentiments.  the rest of the evening was spent eating, laughing, and learning more about each other.

despite the fact that he doesn't "fit" the criteria, we fit together.  he lives forever and a day away and he's outside my age range (by a smidge), but it doesn't phase me because i'm crazy about him.  we are making it work, which doesn't really feel like work. things are falling into place, just as imagined they would when the right person enters your life.

my anti valentines day...

phew, i made it through another valentine's day weekend.  it started off great.  friday i was with my bestie, bethy, helping her move in to her new place and my daughter wanted an extra mom day so she spent the night.  my beauty and i had cinnamon rolls in the morning then she went off to her dad's house and i ran some much needed errands before stopping in at the blazing onion to get a little home work done.

instead of watching a ridiculously romantic movie on the night of love, i opted for annabelle, a creepy doll movie.  i really don't like dolls and happen to have a scary doll in my attic.  she was there before i moved in and i have never moved her.  the last time i looked she was face down in the southwest corner of my attic. the entrance to my attic is a small door at the top of my stairs.  i barricaded it prior to turning on the movie just in case my doll decided to come watch.

whenever i share that i have a scary doll in my attic, i get one of two questions:

1. do you want me to remove it?
2. why haven't you gotten rid of it?

have you people never watched a scary doll movie?  the first rule about scary dolls is to never, under any circumstances, touch them.  the moment you make contact with them they come to life and start their evil ways.  if for some reason my scary doll was removed from my attic, she would retaliate in some way.  i'm really not needing that kind of excitement in my life right now.

there are nights when i lie in my bed, under the covers, and listen to the sounds of my house. sometimes i hear things that make me stop and tilt my right ear, which seems to hear better, towards the sound.  i listen to the rustling for a few minutes before i hear the familiar double thud of my cat coming down the stairs.  but for a small second, i think she (i haven't named her) is coming to get me.

at least once a month i wake up with inexplicable bruises on my leg.  i sleep alone, on the left side of a queen size bed, like i'm in a coffin.  i sleep on my back with my arms either at my sides or folded across my torso.  my left leg, the one closest to the edge of the bed is always the one with bruises.  i have no idea what happens while i'm sleeping, but it's probably her, the scary doll in my attic.  my kids tell me i should put up a camera, similar to paranormal activity, but i don't really want to know.

anyway, back to the movie.  to the untrained eye, it probably looked like i was going to have a romantic evening at home, because i settled into my couch with chocolate covered gummi bears, a bottle of red wine, and my favorite fluffy white blanket.  i took a deep breath and pressed play. the beginning wasn't terrible, the music was creepy but i only jumped a few times.  however, it wasn't long before i had the hood of my sweatshirt on and pulled almost closed in front of my eyes. somehow i managed to sit through the entire movie.

i'm not sure that this is going to be a new tradition of mine.  in the past six months or so i have been stepping outside of my comfort zone, but i would much rather watch a scary movie nestled into the side of a burly man.  this way i can shield my face from the scary stuff and maybe get a little squeeze of reassurance.  *wink* 

my thirties in a nutshell...

as i am approaching the last year of my thirties, i thought it would be fun to recap what i've learned in my thirties.  when i turned thirty, i remember feeling that i was a real grown up.  thirty was the mile marker for me.  boy did i have a lot to learn about being a grown up.  i was in store for a roller coaster of grown-up-ness.

in my early thirties i was married and a mother to small children.  i learned that i really loved being a homemaker.  it was a job that i excelled at.  it was my favorite job and by far the hardest job to date. 

it wasn't too far into my thirties that i learned i could do unthinkable things.  i learned that i could ignore my values and principles, could lie to my friends and family, and do things that just weren't me.  unfortunately this was a terrible thing to learn about myself.  thankfully this lesson didn't land me in jail, but it did cause me to hit rock bottom and rediscover my true self.

i learned that i love beer, mainly craft beers but i'm down with a good ol' rainier.

i learned that one should never try to wax their nether regions on their own.

i learned that having a cat doesn't make me your cliché cat lady, but I suppose I still have time.

i learned that getting outside of my comfort zone won't kill me.

i learned that i should never drink tequila.

i learned that once you go black you can go back.

i learned that i am a better runner than i claim to be.

i learned that i know a shit ton of words.

i learned that i'm completely comfortable being the token single friend.

i learned that there are some terrible kissers out there.

i learned that i like having my nails polished.

i learned that i really like having matching bras and panties, although I only have them for special occasions.

i learned that i really love and need my girlfriends.

i learned that i can get along with anyone, unless that other person is an a**hole.

i learned that despite all my feet dragging, leggings can be worn as pants.

i learned that bicycle seats and i don't get along.

i learned that no matter how often or how much you clean, old dingy houses stay old dingy houses.

i learned that laughter really does cure a lot.

i learned that i can work on my car when i follow the manual.

i learned that i love football.

i learned that i can go to a bar, dinner, the movies, and all sorts of places by myself and nobody looks at me too strangely. 

i learned to speak my mind even if it isn't what someone wants to hear.

the best lesson i learned is that i am a quirky, 

often times random, 

sometimes funny, 

awesome gal!

i (heart) genuine folks...

there are certain types of people that i love in this world.  they happen to be the ones that aren't pretentious, that aren't grossed out by bodily functions, and the ones that are genuine.  it just so happens, i got to spend some of my weekend with this type of person.

i was supposed to go to moses lake over the weekend, with my girlfriends from school.  i had my bags packed and everything, but something came up which kept me home.  total bummer.  i love my time with my girlfriends.  especially the gals i have known for 20+ years.  it's a no holds bar, don't have to pretend you're something you're not, sometimes a cat fight type of adventure.

instead of moping around like the loser who didn't get to go, i had a fun adventure of my own.  a mexican meal, good conversation, and nightcap kind of adventure.

we met at a mexican restaurant neither of us had been to before.  i text i will find a place in the bar. which was met with i don't know if there is a bar?  i replied it's a mexican restaurant, there is always a bar. boy was i wrong.  not only wasn't there a bar, but i was led through a maze of hallways into the belly of the building, to a tiny table for two, set against an arbitrary wall, in the middle of a walkway. the waitstaff said is this okay?  i looked around at my other options, which nonexistent, and said yeah, this will be fine.  i have to say, i've never been to a mexican restaurant that didn't have a bar and if i wasn't in a restaurant i may have been concerned following a stranger through a real life maze of hallways.

i sat at this strange little table waiting for my friend watching the endless waitstaff blur past me, a little girl get serenaded by a mariachi band, and a family share a meal, when a booth, tucked away in a private little alcove opened up.  i had just swapped tables when my friend showed up.  after filling our tummies with some delicious grub and cerveza, sharing some good laughs, and engaging our minds in thought provoking conversation, it was time to change venues.

we went from a crazy maze mexican joint to an old man's clubhouse.  we bellied up to a classic american style bar surrounded by dead animals hanging on beautiful wood paneled walls, and hand crafted wood sculptures.  this place had a very cabin-y feel.  my friend even said we are in a man cave.  we each ordered a beer and sat at the counter while the staff started to close up.

as our conversation continued, my friend says look at me and smile.  a little perplexed i do as instructed, i'm really good at following directions.  as i'm sitting there with my big goofy grin spread across my face, my friend starts reaching towards me and says hold still.  i really didn't know what to expect, it isn't everyday someone tells you to smile, hold still, and is reaching towards your face. turns out i had food stuck in my teeth which my friend plucked it out of my teeth with their fingers. of course i did, why wouldn't i?  i always seem to find myself in some sort of embarrassing scenario.

so my adventure wasn't as exciting as my trip to moses would have been, but my company was awesome.  a genuine person without a hidden agenda, who isn't weirded out that my beer made me really burp-y or that i had food in my teeth. despite the fact that i didn't get to hang with my girlfriends, i was able to salvage a potentially bummer weekend.  thank you friend for the exceptional company.

S3...

today is national  satisfied staying single day!  since it is the week of valentine's day, one of my least favorite holidays ever devised, i thought i would make you aware of the lesser known holiday of S3. according to daysoftheyear.com here is the purpose of S3 of:

“No one to walk with, but I’m happy on the shelf”, sang Fats Waller. If that’s you, there’s a perfect day to celebrate. And you don’t have to be “through with flirting”, either…

Seen by many as the antidote to Valentine’s Day, the international day of the singleton may be a strange occasion to mark. But Satisfied Staying Single Day, or S3, is less about chasing a dream of happily-ever-after, and more about living life in the moment – a cause that even couples can embrace. And unlike St Valentine, with his cutesy satin hearts and overpriced roses, S3 remains reassuringly un-commercial.

i'm not going to so far as to say i am satisfied staying single, because i still date and i am still looking for that special someone to share my life with, but i do have to admit the longer i am single the less of a priority it becomes.  i am at the point where i don't need anyone to take care of me, i don't want to have more kids, and i don't need a daddy for my kiddos.  basically this leaves me in the position where i can be picky about who i entangle with. 

last year i spent the valentine's weekend in portland with the girls.  out of the many trips i've taken to portland that was by far one of my favorites and most memorable.  you may remember that was the weekend i split my pants wide open.

this year i plan on helping my friend move into her new house.  i am a little jealous, i can't wait for the day i announce i am moving into a new place.  i plan on seeing some other friends, hopefully catching up on the lastest happenings.  and on the actual eve of valentine's day you will most likely find me watching a movie on my couch, eating chocolate covered gummi bears, and maybe drinking a red wine from the bottle, just because i can.

underoos and granny panties...

last week on the radio, i heard a snippet from TLC's: My Strange Addiction about a young man (31) who is addicted to dating older women.  at first i didn't think much of it, there are tons of people who prefer to date older people, but as i kept listening my face started to scrunch up.  i guess this young man won't date anyone under 60. he is quoted as saying,

 'I love everything about older women. I love the smell, I love the feel, I love the mentality,' he says enthusiastically in a preview of the show. 

uh, okay.  the segment was over and i carried on with my day.  no harm, no foul.

over the weekend i found myself sitting in a bar tapping away on my computer.  by the way, when did i become the nerdy girl sitting in the corner of bar on her computer with readers perched on her nose?  will have to ponder that another time.  anyway, the bar was pretty empty some fellas sitting at the bar, a larger group of fellas by the dart boards, some couples sitting at tables, an older lady sitting alone at the other end of the bar, and myself in the corner.

the door opened and a young man, probably in his mid to late twenties came through. despite the ring through his nose, gauges in his ears, and overall unkept look, you could tell he was pretty cute.  he walked straight to the restroom and scanned the room when he came out.

sometimes i play this little game with myself about where people will sit.  silly i know, but i love watching people.  since, i already knew the layout of the space and who was sitting where, i figured he would sit by the other single fellas at the bar.  my thinking was that he would have something to talk with those fellas about: football, cars, or maybe work opportunities.  this young man didn't do that, he took me completely by surprise.  he sat right next to the older lady sitting solo at the end of the bar.

i've never met the lady, but the bar staff knew her on a first name basis, so i'm guessing she is a regular.  she was definitely older; white hair, wrinkles, looked like she could be a member of the red hat society, but she wasn't wearing the hat. she is your quintessential grandmotherly woman.

so here is this twenty something guy who sits right next to the bar matriarch and starts chatting her up.  they shook hands as the exchanged pleasantries.  i was definitely intrigued and couldn't take my eyes off the show.  he was very intimate, in a stranger chatting up a stranger kind of way, with her; leaning in close, touching her arm, making some serious eye contact, etc.

it was all very fascinating and i instantly wondered if he had heard the radio broadcast that i had.  or maybe he watched the actual program.  or maybe he is just a friendly guy who finds the older crowd easier to interact with.  whatever his reasons, he sat with that woman until she left before turning his attention to another table with ladies older than me.

i lost interest in watching him after that, but i do wonder what makes this young man choose to sit with the older ladies of the room?  is this a trend with younger men that i wasn't really aware of?  i took a stab at dating a significantly younger man, of consenting age, but it wasn't for me and i've been on a date with a man who was much older than i and that wasn't really my thing either.  clearly the laws of attraction baffle me.

broken in half...

i love when i receive a gift that the giver has put some effort in to.  something that is just for me. maybe i've asked for it or maybe they think i will love it, or maybe they know i will never get it for myself, but really want it.  whatever the case, if you have put some thought into it, chances are i am going to love it.  the following story will explain just how much i cherish the act of gift giving. 

two years ago for my birthday, my dad and stepmom, sam, gave me a cute jewelry box on my birthday.  in the box was a really pretty cross necklace.  i don't recall ever asking for such a necklace, but my dad proudly said, "you asked for one of those sideways cross necklaces when we were christmas shopping."  hmmm...okay.  so i put it on and haven't taken it off.  my necklace and i have been through a lot the past two years. 

had some great trips to portland:

watched some football:

done quite a bit of running: 

spent time with friends: 

beer tasting with my buddy kent

aquafest 

a night with the girls and too much tequila

my sista and i at "the cabin"

leavenworth

leavenworth

shreddie and i in leavenworth

went on adventures with my kids:

sushi date

afternoon at the beach

deception pass

goofing off

a chilly day at the waterslides

3D movies

camping at lk. wenatchee

zoo fun

 had some overall good times: 

poking fun at a dumb holiday

just another day at work

won tickets to the mariners game, thank you DK

   

pouring beer at a festival for DK

holding babies

and spent lots of time in the sun:  

 

but all of that has ended.  last night i had on a hoodie and was trying to change into my cozies. somehow, i hooked my fingers underneath the chain while i pulling my hoodie off and snapped the necklace in two.  i found it lying on the floor in a sad heap of chain.  "oh no!" passed my lips while i picked up my beloved necklace.

i know it can be fixed, but i am feeling a little naked today.  i have instinctively reached for it several times today, but i come up empty handed. times to get my necklace fixed and have some more adventures.