elaine’s christmas card
elaines Christmas card – (related terms: nip) 1. Christmas card with elaine’s picture that accidentally shows her nipple after missing a button on her shirt 2. photo taken by Kramer. 3. sent to hundreds of people including her parents, boss, nana and papa, super in her building, mailman, ten year old nephew, Sister Mary Catherine, Father Chelios, and her boyfriend. 4. quote: “You know your whole life you go through painstaking efforts to hide your nipple and BOOM, suddenly hundreds of people get their own personal shot of it.” 5. episode: The Pick
this was pulled from a website called theseinfelddictionary.com
does anyone remember this episode? i was not a huge seinfeld watcher, but i remember this episode clearly. unfortunately this is fresh in my mind from a recent family picture session. oh yes there is a story here.
recently the kids and i had our pictures taken with one of my absolute favorite photographers ever, kaylee eylander. i met her several years ago through an old neighbor who was operating a boutique in lake stevens. since i've met her kaylee's business has blossomed and i will probably never be able to afford her if i ever get married again, but hey a girl can dream. anyway, like i was saying she took our pictures about a week ago.
so i need to back up a minute to give you some background, this will make my story and the horror much clearer. over the summer my son decided to stop wearing underwear. i know, he is only nine and has decided that free balling is the way to go. seeing as how i am woman and not a man i don't understand this concept. all i can really relate this too is not wearing a bra and i'm thinking that all droopy things need some support.
i discovered this while doing laundry. i was folding at least 82 loads of laundry, when i noticed that ash had at least 15 bottoms but no underwear. i said dude, do you see a problem here? he scanned the piles of folded clothes and said no. i pointed out that he had lots of pants and shorts but no underwear. he simply stated i stopped wearing them. what? he explains i only wear sweats and it's an extra step, so i just stopped wearing them. hmmm....not really sure how i feel about this being his mom, but okay.
if you've ever had pictures taken, finding the perfect outfits is time consuming. in my opinion you don't want to be matchy matchy but coordinated. in an attempt to be thrifty i wanted to use clothes that we already have. so i started laying out options. we went with a gray, cream and purple color scheme. picture day and everyone's clothes are ironed and laid out ready to throw on the last minute.
pictures go off without a hitch. we wore stick on mustaches for part of them, because why not? kaylee took shots of all of us together and then myself with each one of my kids individually. we stood for some sat for others. a typical photo shoot.
at the end of our session i was chatting with kaylee when i noticed something. i was looking at my son, who was dutifully wearing the outfit i picked out for him (jeans, a cream shirt, and his romeos), but his zipper was down. dude your zipper is down. i only got a shrug of the shoulders in return. i'm sure i rolled my eyes at him. we are experts in nonverbal communication. then i asked are you wearing underwear? another shrug of the shoulders with a no.
do you see where i'm going with this?
if you are wearing jeans, sit down. now unzip your pants. what happens? the zipper part opens like a frog mouth. i'm guessing you are wearing underwear, but imagine if you weren't. oh my gosh my family pictures are like elaine's nipple exposing christmas card, instead of a nipple we have a little show happening in my son's pants.
there are several things i know for certain about my son. one being he is very literal. when i tell him go put on your picture outfit it's on my bed, he will put exactly what i put out. i did not have underwear laid out but come on this should be a given, right?
anyway, i haven't seen the pictures but i'm sure if there is a wardrobe malfunction kaylee with photoshop that right out after a few hearty giggles. i think this goes without saying i'm keeping my fingers crossed that there wasn't any photoshopping required.
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