pretty girls like to be treated like shit
this statement is what started the conversation. i did not agree and was quick to share my thoughts and attempt to stamp out this incorrect cliche. i don't think that this is "pretty girl" thing, i think this is a human thing.
i truly believe that we are creatures of habit and get used to being treated a certain way. it isn't so much that we like it, it is just normal and falls within our comfort zone. when we happen to get involved with someone who treats us different it pushes us beyond that comfort zone and we don't know how to receive, process and enjoy it. of course i had examples from my own experiences to share and further my point.
time to share a little story that i haven't shared before. i do in fact have stories that are new. anyway, i was in the process of getting to know someone who i liked but something about him made me really uncomfortable. funny to use like and uncomfortable in the same sentence but bare with me. he was really nice, almost too nice. he went out of his way, really out of his way, to do things for me. although it was really flattering i didn't understand or know how to process it. ultimately i panicked and disappeared. i know, not a very grown up thing to do, but i can't change it now.
time to share a little story that i haven't shared before. i do in fact have stories that are new. anyway, i was in the process of getting to know someone who i liked but something about him made me really uncomfortable. funny to use like and uncomfortable in the same sentence but bare with me. he was really nice, almost too nice. he went out of his way, really out of his way, to do things for me. although it was really flattering i didn't understand or know how to process it. ultimately i panicked and disappeared. i know, not a very grown up thing to do, but i can't change it now.
i am so used to being the one steering that being the passenger proved to be too much. silly? probably. could i have learned to adjust to being the passenger? possibly. i can hear my friend steve in my ear saying heather, it didn't work because all the little things didn't line up. it wasn't because he was too nice. is he right? probably, there were other things that didn't line up, for me, but i never shared them with him. unfair? definitely.
am i contradicting myself? not entirely. it was all so over the top in my eyes. i was so unaccustomed to the way he was treating me that all the other little things seem to be a bigger deal than they might have been. does that make any sense? so i guess the real question is how does one get used to being treated a different way? a healthy positive way.
i can tell you for me i tend to be very teenager-y in my reaction to a man ooh he likes me. he's paying attention to me. he's so dreamy. okay maybe not the dreamy part, but i think you get what i am saying. i want to have all those teenager emotions about "love" because let's face it they feel good, but manage the relationship in a grown up way. in a way that both parties are getting what they need, are being treated with respect and priority, and seriously can't wait to see each other again. is that really too much to ask for?
so back to the original conversation starter, since i seem to have ping ponged all over on this one. i disagree with the statment that pretty girls like to be treated like shit. actually that seems to be a silly thing to say in general, nobody really likes to be treated like shit. i seriously think it is more of just being used to being treated like shit, which in my humble opinion says there are a lot of dudes out there who don't understand how to treat ladies.
am i contradicting myself? not entirely. it was all so over the top in my eyes. i was so unaccustomed to the way he was treating me that all the other little things seem to be a bigger deal than they might have been. does that make any sense? so i guess the real question is how does one get used to being treated a different way? a healthy positive way.
i can tell you for me i tend to be very teenager-y in my reaction to a man ooh he likes me. he's paying attention to me. he's so dreamy. okay maybe not the dreamy part, but i think you get what i am saying. i want to have all those teenager emotions about "love" because let's face it they feel good, but manage the relationship in a grown up way. in a way that both parties are getting what they need, are being treated with respect and priority, and seriously can't wait to see each other again. is that really too much to ask for?
so back to the original conversation starter, since i seem to have ping ponged all over on this one. i disagree with the statment that pretty girls like to be treated like shit. actually that seems to be a silly thing to say in general, nobody really likes to be treated like shit. i seriously think it is more of just being used to being treated like shit, which in my humble opinion says there are a lot of dudes out there who don't understand how to treat ladies.
2 comments:
H to the B... I believe that my gender has set the bar so low that the majority of girls have conformed to being treated like crap. Whether that's a comfort level or otherwise, it seems to be accurate. Treating a girl how she should be treated rarely produces the desired result. In response, good men have adapted to treat women poorly because it's effective. Learned behavior in response to immediate and sustained feedback. To a degree we would be foolish not to adapt. To a higher degree I believe we are idiots to conform to such a displaced sense of self and reality...
dear anon (although i know who this is, big smile on my face right now)...i hear what you are saying. this seems to be a which came first the chicken or the egg type of discussion. women are used to it or men have learned this is what works? i say don't conform...in return i will learn how to love the pampering without being suspicious of intentions.
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