it will be my birthday in a few days. i love my birthday, it is a day that is all about me. i really don't mind getting older. i must say it is better than being ashes in an urn or buried in a fancy box that no one really gets to see. i could do without the slow progression of wrinkles, sagging, and grays but whatever. i think i am aging pretty well. i don't get carded at the movies or when purchasing alcohol so i don't look super young anymore, but there are some ladies who are my age that look twice my age. drugs and alcohol really wreak havoc on your appearance, just another reason to say no.
anyway, this time last year i was dating matt. we were still in our honeymoon phase, boy did that fizzle out fast. anyway, i was scrolling through "drafts" (blog posts that i never finished) and there was one about my birthday:
i had a heck of a time sleeping last night. i was hot then cold, my legs were unsettled, my feet kept cramping, i had a kiddo in my bed (i don't sleep well with my kids in my bed), i kept looking at the clock watching every minute creep by. at exactly midnight i got a text from matt wishing me a happy birthday. he is so sweet. then i must've drifted off for a while because i was startled awake by another text at 5:30...happy birthday!!!
this was as far as i got, because by the end of the day i was pissed. i was madder than a rooster in a cock fight. i should've paid attention to the signs, and looking back it was a pretty obvious sign, but you have to remember that i was in the honeymoon phase. that phase where you give tons of allowances, grace periods, or excuse behavior you wouldn't normally tolerate. first i should give you a little history.
matt was, i guess he will always be, younger than me. not by much, two years. when i had met matt, he causally said that when i turned 35 i would be too old for him. during the weeks leading up to my birthday he kept saying it's too bad this all has to end. i always blew him off, chalking it up to a somewhat skewed sense of humor.
so my birthday came, i got the text at midnight and that was it. i didn't hear from him the rest of the day. at first i thought it was kind of funny, and to be honest i was expecting some sort of shenanigans, but that faded quickly. by the end of the day i was fuming. it wasn't until midday the following day that i heard from him, but the message took me completely by surprise. he broke up with me, via text, stating that we lived too far apart and didn't want to ruin my birthday with this disappointing news. funny that even though he said he didn't want to ruin my birthday he did just that.
here we are a year later. an unsuccessful dating experience under my belt, a few more wrinkles, a little squishier and turning another year older. i have definitely learned a lot about trying to incorporate a man into my already complicated life, but it hasn't deterred me from trying. adding a new member, and maybe extra kiddos, is a delicate dance that requires immense patience and stellar communication.
hopefully this birthday will come and go without any major disappointments. i do not see anything earth shattering on the horizon so i should be safe.
cheers!
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