i was unloading the dishwasher. frustrated that i am the only one who thinks to do this, but also keeping myself busy so they wouldn't see my glossy eyes. glossy from tears. i didn't want them to go. not today. not any day really, but especially not today. i peeked over my shoulder and saw my two beautiful children both engrossed in their kindle fires. i wish they were actually reading, but both were playing some weird zombie game.
then there was the knock. that familiar knock on my door. i can count on that knock every thursday evening. my heart stopped for just a moment. i took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in my throat. blinked my eyes several times holding off tears that i was sure were going to crest at any moment. i didn't want them to go. not today.
my buddy came and wrapped his scrawny arms around my waist and gave me a giant squeeze. i love you mom. he says those words because he loves me, i am his mom, but sometimes they are said out of habit. he is leaving and that is expected. he looked at me and said have a good night. you too, was all i could say without him seeing me struggling to keep my composure. he turned and left to give his blankie a hug goodbye.
i'm not sure if he sensed that i was going to have a hard night, but he stopped at the door, turned around, looked me in my glossy eyes and said, i love you mom. this time it wasn't habit, this time he wanted me to hear him. he said it different, he looked at me different. his message was full of love. i love you too buddy.
i think we have all heard that little boys love their mammas. that they will always love their mammas. i definitely feel the love from my son. he is thoughtful, protective, sweet and silly. he opens my car door in the mornings, is the last one to say i love you at night, and always wants one more hug and kiss when i drop him off at school.
i soak up his love like a sponge. please don't wring me out. i would rather be so saturated that i am dripping his love on those around me than wrung out dry.
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