intense hostility...

there are two things in this world that i absolutely hate.  i know hate is a really strong word, but hate is exactly what i mean.  webster defines hate as intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger or sense of injury.  yes, i think hate is exactly the word i am looking for. 

so what could they be?  what are the two things that i absolutely hate?  well i will tell you.  deviled eggs and scouring the bathtub.  i hate both of these things more than i can explain, but i am going to try and explain my disdain so that maybe you can understand. 

let's start with deviled eggs.  being the good midwestern girl that i am, i should really like deviled eggs.  deviled eggs grace every celebration table in the midwest.  you will always find them at a potluck, buffet, or any other large gathering.  there is even a special serving dish for this favorite of many. 

i will admit that the presentation is delightful.  the egg is split in half, the hotdog way or lengthwise if you are over the age of 8.  the white part is pristine white, with a glisteny or dewy look to it with a perfect scoop taken from the middle.  that perfect scoop is filled with a fluffy cloud like dollop of the brightest cheeriest yellow.  the yolk has always reminded me of pudding and to be honest a savory pudding would be 100 times better than the yolk.  a lot of times a sprinkling of terra cotta red is sprinkled on top of the yellow.  yes the presentation is delightful.

here's my issue with deviled eggs.  one, i don't like the yolks once they turn into a solid.  it doesn't matter if you mash it up and mix it with other things, once it turns into a solid i hate it.  two, you mix it with mayonnaise.  i can't think of a grosser thing than mayonnaise. it's an ixnay on miracle whip too.  so with those two things combined the hard yolk and the mayonnaise, when i bring this delicacy to my mouth my gag reflex kicks in and my hand stops midair.  i cannot physically put that darn thing in my mouth.  may sound silly but it's true. 

i suppose if i was stranded on an island and by some horrible twist of fate the only food was deviled eggs and my choice was to eat the egg or die, i would most likely find a way to eat the egg.  i would most likely wait it out for as long as i could and then choke one or two down, but i'm not sure if i could ever find a way to enjoy it.  however, i am not in danger of dying by starvation so i will let my reflex kick in and pass on the deviled eggs. 

now we are on to scouring the tub.  i honestly can't think of anything worse than cleaning the bathtub.  i admittedly put it off, which means when i finally get to it, it is a chore from h-e-double hockey sticks.  when i sit back and look at this task logically it isn't much different than scouring the sink and that task i don't mind so much.  however, the tub is at least ten times bigger, but feels one hundred times bigger than the sink. 

there are many reasons why i hate scouring the tub.  first i can't figure out the best way to clean it.  i know a lot of people who clean the tub while they are showering...this seems like a good idea, but i can't seem to figure this out.  when i shower, i want to shower, stand in that hot stream of water until the water gets cold, not clean.  this means i am sitting on the edge of the tub dressed and sweating because it is so much work to clean the tub.  second, it never seems to be really clean.  i scrub and scrub and scrub and there is some weird shadow of scum that doesn't seem to want to leave the tub. 

i swear like a sailor while i am scrubbing the tub.  profanities flow from my mouth like water from a faucet.  obviously this means i have to clean my tub when the kids are not home.  i curse at my tub like i'm trying to scare it into submission and just be clean f*@# you stupid tub.  okay so i need a little work in scaring the tub through my curse words, but you get the idea.

i think i hate scouring the tub more than deviled eggs because i have to scour the tub on a somewhat regular basis.  i can choose not to eat deviled eggs, but if i chose not to scour i would have a science project of epic proportion on my hands.  so if you ever plan on visiting my house, please give me a heads up so i can properly clean the m&*(^%r  f%$#ing shower.