commercialized love...

valentine's day......i would be lying if i said that this fru fru holiday came and went like just any other day.  it is not one of my favorites. just as my thoughts on new year's resolutions, if something, in this case someone is important to you, you should let them know that everyday.  you certainly shouldn't need a holiday with mass produced cards,  jacked up prices on flowers, and a box of crappy chocolate to tell that someone special that you love them.  in my opinion, february 14th shouldn't be the day that you show your special someone how much you really care about them. 

i have my valentine's day decorations up and my holiday themed towels pulled out for the month. we have purchased valentine's and signed them for the big celebration at school.  oh yeah, i too participate in the shenanigans of valentine's day for my children.  i think it is important for my kids that i make a big deal out of the holidays, but i think that is a different subject becuse the purpose behind it isn't the same.  now i am getting off track of what i really wanted to talk about.

we, the genearl public, are bombarded with ways to show that special someone just how much we care about them by buying meaningless trinkets.  a piece of jewelry, yes it is pretty, but i don't want it.  a bouquet of flowers, they are stunning and smell good but they die.  chocolate, yum what girl doesn't love chocolate?  but really a box of  Whitman's chocolates isn't my favorite candy, if you are going to buy me candy how about the one i really like (chocolate covered gummi bears)?  a piece of lingerie, oooh la la, sexy, beautiful maybe this fulfills a fantasy of your beau, but get it for me on a random monday just because it is monday, not because society is telling you to.  taking me out to dinner...i love to go out to dinner, but waiting in a lobby just to be packed into a restaurant with every other couple isn't really my idea of an intimate moment with my partner.  do these things really tell your sweetheart that you love them that you will always love them?  i don't think so, they are just things.

my beef with this holiday is that you are told over and over again of what you should be "receiving" and when you don't get it there is a feeling of being let down.  the let down isn't isolated to just the single community.  my ex was not big into holidays of any kind.  our first valentine's day married i had bought him something (not valentine's day related, it was something he needed and i knew he wouldn't purchase himself) and he looked at me, "i didn't think we had to celebrate holidays anymore."  i don't recall that being in our vows or in any handbook on the etiquette of marriage, but this kind of set a precedent of how our marraige was going to go. i know right now i am contradicting myself because at the time this is what i wanted, i wanted to be acknowledged not just on valentine's day but on every day, i would've taken valentine's day as the only day.

there is also this sort of crazy competition amongst women on what we have received.  i got a dozen long stemmed red roses, i got a diamond ring, i got this....oh my word this list could go on forever. then there is the girl who received a note on a napkin with a dandelion picked from the front yard, and she doesn't want to share with her girlfriends what she got. why?  because her beau didn't live up to the expectation of the rest of the world.  if she is brave enough to share this with her girlfriends without embellishing what she received well then she gets the look of pity.  "are you kidding me?  that is what he got you?"  now her internal dialogue goes something like this, "well shit, i was feeling really special, although it isn't spectacular it is from his heart,  and my friends have now made me feel like i didn't get enough."  seriously, this just needs to stop.  love should not be gauged by how extravagant of a gift we have received!  if you feel loved and special than it shouldn't really matter what the gift is, if you get a gift at all.

now i was just sharing my thoughts on this sappy, love oozing holiday with my boss and he had a different view that i suppose i haven't taken into account.   his thought is that we should take this holiday as a day to reconnect.  that maybe you have slipped in sharing your love, or maybe you aren't a person who easily shares their thoughts, or maybe your relationship has been strained and you want to change that.  as much as i want to agree with him, i still ask, "but why wait for a specific day?"  if you are truly feeling that way then does your internal dialogue really say, "self, you are slipping away from your partner, you could be doing more and i know just the day to get started...valentine's day."?  gosh i hope not.

if you feel like today should be an extension of the love you share every other day than fine by all means you should celebrate, but why do we do it with a preprinted card and a box of chocolate other than the simple fact that it is convenient.  write your sweetheart a message from your heart even if it is simply "i love you" on a piece of scrap paper.  if you mean it, truly mean it from the depths of your soul, from the very core of who you are then it will mean far more than the mushy garbage on a mass produced card.  if you must give flowers, follow the words of Edward Abbey "for me i hold no preferences among flowers, so long as they are wild, free, spontaneous" not a bouquet of flowers that has been germinated and forced to grow in a greenhouse for our enjoyment.  now i get that we all aren't super creative and can't write a poem or even design a card, but it shouldn't have to be that complicated.  whatever you share today; an embrace, a whispered "i will always love you", a heart drawn on the foggy mirror in the bathroom, even just a look you share with your love of acceptance and understanding, it should be done from your heart.  

now that i have gone off on my tirade, i should say this.  it isn't any of my business what you give your sweetheart. and really, who am i to judge that what you give isn't from your heart?  i don't know your relationship, i haven't walked in your shoes and therefore i shouldn't be judging you.  in all fairness i am not actually judging you, i am simply saying how i feel about this day of celebration. 

my idea of a perfect valentine's day is really simple.  it doesn't involve candy, flowers or anything "heart" related, just a day with my special someone and my kids.  we would do something that we all enjoyed and would strengthen our commitment to each other and this great earth that we are priviledged to inhabit.  i personally would like to take a walk today and listen to the sounds around me, take in the scent of the outdoors, feel the rain or sun on my face, be free of the pressures of society and just be.  my perfect day should end in a mass of jumbled up legs and arms in the family bed.  no electronics today just the melodic sound of our voices, our breaths in and out, the warmth of our bodies being shared with each other.  a reminder of our strength and love as a family, a united team encouraging growth as individuals and together.

this may seem like a lofty and unattainable dream, but i think it can be achieved.  i think that sharing your love with someone can be done without purchasing anything.  i think that we, as a society, should not be pressured into "out doing" the next and subscribing to convenient love.  it frustrates me to no end that we have been brainwashed into believing that to be a good partner on this day, valentine's day, february 14th you have to buy trinkets to show your love.  i know that i am not in the majority in my thinking of this holiday and i am ok with that.  i don't expect anyone else to agree with me, this is just me.