i am an oversharer. sometimes i surprise myself with how much i am willing to share. things come out of my mouth and the voice inside of my head says, "seriously did you just say that out loud!?" i don't think anyone has ever, ever confused me with a vague-er. this is a term that i came up with today as i was trying to recap my conversation with my friend bethy.
bethy: well, what did ______ say?
me: idk...there wasn't enough information to get an answer.
bethy: what?
me: ______ is vague, i would like to give you the details, but i have nothing new to report.
bethy: seriously?
me: what is with those vague people? i am an oversharer. those vague, vague-ers drive me crazy, i need more info.
bethy: now she has her head on the counter laughing hysterically at me. vague-er? did you just make that up?
me: yes, what else do you call them?
bethy: idk, i guess a vague-er.
so naturally i text "t-to the-y" because i know he will get a kick out of my new word:
my text: i don't like "vague-ers"....i know i am an oversharer but vague-ers are just annoying.
t-to the -y reply: haha...this took me a second. me either hate them. i'm like a girl...i talk too openly.
bethy is laughing hysterically again. who would've thought that this silly recap of a conversation could bring on such laughter.
oh, i should clarify that an oversharer should not be confused with an individual with "no filter". that is whole different problem all together. i do not have this problem. i can pick my words carefully and tactfully as to not offend someone. so back to oversharer, i honestly don't know how to give an abbreviated version of whatever i am trying to say. my mother says i have been talking her ear off since i started talking. i guess it is a gift that i was born with (insert my big grin).
in addition to being an oversharer, i am also an oral processor. hey dirty minds, get out of the gutter, i did not say oral process server, i said oral processor. meaning that when i am trying to solve a problem or wrap my head around an idea, i have to talk about it. i have to bounce my thoughts off of others, those poor select few that i choose to problem solve with. man they love me, because i know i can be an exhausting person to be around when i am "problem solving" (insert big grin again).
it is hard to talk to a vague-er. i feel like i am trying to coax out the answers. if you asked me how was my day, i would say "good, i had a ton of catch up today, cause i was off yesterday because of the snow and karen has been out all week, but i got it all done and i am ready for monday." if you asked the vague-er that same question their answer would be, "good." then you would say, "oh anything exciting happen?" vageu-er "no, not really." can you see the difference here? i give you all the info in the first response, where the vague-er makes you keep asking more questions, seriously annoying.
ok, so i have heard that you should give just enough information that whoever you are talking to will want to ask more questions. okay i can totally buy into that, but that is not what the vague-er does. the vague-er offers an answer only to the question asked and nothing else. they are kind of like conversation nazis, the bare minimum and nothing more. what in the world is that all about?
so vague-ers, if i am asking i am interested in what you have to say. so spill it. how was your day? tell me the whole day from morning until now. if i get bored i will let you know, well you may notice first because i will start to look around, but either way you will know.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
snow tracks....
it is criminal to disturb the beauty of fresh fallen snow. everything is clean, pure, pristine, the edges are soft and muted. the landscape gently rises and falls reminding me of an old nude portrait where the woman is lounging on a chaise and you can follow the dip of her waist up over the rise of her hips. the vegetation is heavy, seeming to struggle to hold their branches proud and strong. how long will they stay steady before they break or bend enough to release their load and regain their regal stance? is there a secret competition between the young and mature?
crunch, crunch, crunch. my boots make the first tracks in this serene world. it is dark, quiet and calm. there is no sound except for the whisper of a snowflake that crosses my path. i try to minimize my imprint on this pristine land. i walk down the center or the road placing my feet gingerly on the surface. with each sinking step my boots grow heavier making it difficult to pick them back up.
so i stop. stop in the center of a road that seems unfamiliar and absorb the beauty surrounding me. tender wet kisses skim my face before melding into my skin becoming part of me. a foreign cool, crisp, clean air aches in my lungs. i quietly turn to take look at my path. a singular path. i am alone.
i want to drop to my knees and weep. weep for the pain. the pain of my children, the pain of my family, friends, strangers and myself. maybe if i shed all the pain it will melt away with the morning sun and all will be right again. we will be left with peace.
the sky is brightening. dawn is approaching. with the dawn will come the wakening of all of God's creatures. the peaceful serenity will be destroyed.
i wish i could say that this was my snow experience over the past few days, but it isn't. several years ago, in another house, in a different life, i used to get up at 5am and go meet my neighbor for a walk around the block. one morning when i got up, there was new snow and i was the only one up at that point. there were no other tracks anywhere. it was absolutely gorgeous and almost sureal to think that i was the only one who was going to have this experience on that street at that moment in time. my walking partner and i were very quiet that morning. ususally our walks were full of chatter, but this morning we just walked. such an awesome experience. seeing the snow the past couple of days reminded me of this morning walk.
crunch, crunch, crunch. my boots make the first tracks in this serene world. it is dark, quiet and calm. there is no sound except for the whisper of a snowflake that crosses my path. i try to minimize my imprint on this pristine land. i walk down the center or the road placing my feet gingerly on the surface. with each sinking step my boots grow heavier making it difficult to pick them back up.
so i stop. stop in the center of a road that seems unfamiliar and absorb the beauty surrounding me. tender wet kisses skim my face before melding into my skin becoming part of me. a foreign cool, crisp, clean air aches in my lungs. i quietly turn to take look at my path. a singular path. i am alone.
i want to drop to my knees and weep. weep for the pain. the pain of my children, the pain of my family, friends, strangers and myself. maybe if i shed all the pain it will melt away with the morning sun and all will be right again. we will be left with peace.
the sky is brightening. dawn is approaching. with the dawn will come the wakening of all of God's creatures. the peaceful serenity will be destroyed.
i wish i could say that this was my snow experience over the past few days, but it isn't. several years ago, in another house, in a different life, i used to get up at 5am and go meet my neighbor for a walk around the block. one morning when i got up, there was new snow and i was the only one up at that point. there were no other tracks anywhere. it was absolutely gorgeous and almost sureal to think that i was the only one who was going to have this experience on that street at that moment in time. my walking partner and i were very quiet that morning. ususally our walks were full of chatter, but this morning we just walked. such an awesome experience. seeing the snow the past couple of days reminded me of this morning walk.
face value....
there is a huge disadvantage to "taking people at face value"...sometimes they aren't who they say they are. for some reason this always surprises me. i guess i come from the belief that there are more good, honest, well intentioned people than not. isn't that how we should view all people? if we are are always looking for the wrong and negative in people how do we ever trust or love? so i choose, yes i think this is a choice, to believe in other humans.
i also try to connect with every person that i come in contact with, regardless of their social status or their appearance. i have come to find that some people who i would never have thought could bring something valuable or worth while to my life end up having an impact on me. sometimes it is just the fact that they listen, or offer a word of wisdom, or they introduce me to a new opportunity that i would've never had a chance to experience. humans are fascinating creatures, every one of us has value and purpose on this planet.
many of you will not agree with me here, but i do think that every human being here on this planet, even the ones that we (society) has deemed bad, has something to offer. sometimes it is hard to find value in humans that have committed atrocious acts of violence against other humans, but these people fascinate me. i'm not saying that i would like to spend tons of time with someone like this, or that they should get some sort of "free pass" because somewhere in their twisted world they have something to offer, but i do think that somewhere in them there is good. they fascinate me because i wonder where, what, why, how and when that twisted side took over?
so back to "taking people at face value". just for the record i am not drawing on some recent occurence where someone wronged me, this topic came up last week with my boss. he had asked me something, don't really remember what, but ended up saying, "you are very trustworthy of people." "i am, i don't have a reason to distrust someone from the get go." there was some more discussion that ended with him saying, "i wish i had a tape recorder, so when you date some a-hole, i can play this back for you." i chuckled at him and reminded him that i am very selective of who i bring into my life.
i guess this is how i view people, i will trust what you have to say and who you present yourself to be, until or unless you show me something different. if your stories never make sense, or your actions and words are miles apart from each other then i will take note and maybe question you a little more, but that doesn't mean i am going to write you off as a liar.
i have tried many, many times to understand why people do what they do. inevitably i end up dumbfounded, frustrated and sometimes irritated. i think that people do what they need to do for them first without worrying or caring how it will impact others. the impact on others is an after thought. you know what i mean? when you spout off at someone because you feel like you are being treated unfairly. or when you go with what feels good without looking at the whole picture or the consequences of what that may bring. i am guilty of these things, we probably all are guilty of these things. i am not in any way saying this is a good or bad thing, i just think this is how the majority of humans go about their lives.
i guess i should get to why i think this a disadvantage...well it's simple you set yourself up to get hurt. not necessarily physically (thankfully this hasn't ever happened to me), but emotionally you leave yourself open and vulnerable. there is a side of this, being open and vulnerable, that isn't bad....other humans that you encounter get to see exactly who you are the charming and less than favorable, you put it all out there and hope for the best. the not so good side of this is that you sometimes get taken advantage of, you may put yourself in a position that a more suspicious, less trusting person would.
so where does this leave me? do i continue with trusting others because it is how i want to be treated? or do i proceed through life with a little more caution, be a little more suspicious? since i am not so good at being suspicious (and even when i am i never say anything about it), i will continue trusting. i tell my kids all the time "treat each other the way you want to be treated", maybe someday it will sink in, but for now they are typical siblings that do everything in their power to annoy each other. my point is, is that when you put out what you want back it will happen. not everytime, and maybe not the majority of the time, but i just keep believing.
i also try to connect with every person that i come in contact with, regardless of their social status or their appearance. i have come to find that some people who i would never have thought could bring something valuable or worth while to my life end up having an impact on me. sometimes it is just the fact that they listen, or offer a word of wisdom, or they introduce me to a new opportunity that i would've never had a chance to experience. humans are fascinating creatures, every one of us has value and purpose on this planet.
many of you will not agree with me here, but i do think that every human being here on this planet, even the ones that we (society) has deemed bad, has something to offer. sometimes it is hard to find value in humans that have committed atrocious acts of violence against other humans, but these people fascinate me. i'm not saying that i would like to spend tons of time with someone like this, or that they should get some sort of "free pass" because somewhere in their twisted world they have something to offer, but i do think that somewhere in them there is good. they fascinate me because i wonder where, what, why, how and when that twisted side took over?
so back to "taking people at face value". just for the record i am not drawing on some recent occurence where someone wronged me, this topic came up last week with my boss. he had asked me something, don't really remember what, but ended up saying, "you are very trustworthy of people." "i am, i don't have a reason to distrust someone from the get go." there was some more discussion that ended with him saying, "i wish i had a tape recorder, so when you date some a-hole, i can play this back for you." i chuckled at him and reminded him that i am very selective of who i bring into my life.
i guess this is how i view people, i will trust what you have to say and who you present yourself to be, until or unless you show me something different. if your stories never make sense, or your actions and words are miles apart from each other then i will take note and maybe question you a little more, but that doesn't mean i am going to write you off as a liar.
i have tried many, many times to understand why people do what they do. inevitably i end up dumbfounded, frustrated and sometimes irritated. i think that people do what they need to do for them first without worrying or caring how it will impact others. the impact on others is an after thought. you know what i mean? when you spout off at someone because you feel like you are being treated unfairly. or when you go with what feels good without looking at the whole picture or the consequences of what that may bring. i am guilty of these things, we probably all are guilty of these things. i am not in any way saying this is a good or bad thing, i just think this is how the majority of humans go about their lives.
i guess i should get to why i think this a disadvantage...well it's simple you set yourself up to get hurt. not necessarily physically (thankfully this hasn't ever happened to me), but emotionally you leave yourself open and vulnerable. there is a side of this, being open and vulnerable, that isn't bad....other humans that you encounter get to see exactly who you are the charming and less than favorable, you put it all out there and hope for the best. the not so good side of this is that you sometimes get taken advantage of, you may put yourself in a position that a more suspicious, less trusting person would.
so where does this leave me? do i continue with trusting others because it is how i want to be treated? or do i proceed through life with a little more caution, be a little more suspicious? since i am not so good at being suspicious (and even when i am i never say anything about it), i will continue trusting. i tell my kids all the time "treat each other the way you want to be treated", maybe someday it will sink in, but for now they are typical siblings that do everything in their power to annoy each other. my point is, is that when you put out what you want back it will happen. not everytime, and maybe not the majority of the time, but i just keep believing.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
who's team are you on?
the lights have dimmed and there is an excitement in the air. on my right are two wiggly nine year olds. they have on their 3D glasses, they've got their soda, popcorn and candy. their legs still don't touch the ground when seated in their chairs, but they don't care. on my left is a mom and her son. i didn't know they would be there, but i am pleasantly surprised to be able to share this experience with another adult.
throughout the show i cry, i laugh, i hum to myself, i cover my mouth in amazement, i get the chills that only come when you are truly moved. i lean over and ask the mom next to me, "is it crazy that i have tears in my eyes?" "i won't tell" she whispers back. the other mom and i make a couple of snide remarks here and there, but mostly we are enthralled with the show we are watching.
have you guessed what i am talking about yet? well let me give you a couple of more hints; signature color - purple, hair flip, can pull off an all white outfit beautifully, instruments - drums,guitar and piano, 16, an overnight sensation. yep you got it, Justin Bieber. so forget team Edward or team Jacob, i am completely team Bieber. i can't believe i just admitted that! oh my word....
so let's just forget about his music. you may not enjoy it, i know it because of my daughter, she is 9. some of the songs are catchy but honestly i can't understand what he is even saying in some of the songs. i suppose this is because i am not the generation that he is singing to, but his story at the ripe old age of 16 is inspiring. i personally have not had that much drive or determination about anything in my 34 years.
oh geez, i am revealing so much about myself...i like justin bieber and i have no drive. how lame am i? well while i am at it i will add that i can crochet, cross stitch and i have made a snoopy latch hook rug as an adult. i carry around a ping pong ball (that is pink), a giant screw and a clown nose in my purse everyday. i am a sucker for a good musical and i love folk music. so there you go i am a complete dork, but i am comfortable and more than pleased with who i am.
so if you haven't done so already go see the justin bieber movie, matinee only, and if you can find it in 2D go to that one, there is absolutely no need to see in Real 3D.
throughout the show i cry, i laugh, i hum to myself, i cover my mouth in amazement, i get the chills that only come when you are truly moved. i lean over and ask the mom next to me, "is it crazy that i have tears in my eyes?" "i won't tell" she whispers back. the other mom and i make a couple of snide remarks here and there, but mostly we are enthralled with the show we are watching.
have you guessed what i am talking about yet? well let me give you a couple of more hints; signature color - purple, hair flip, can pull off an all white outfit beautifully, instruments - drums,guitar and piano, 16, an overnight sensation. yep you got it, Justin Bieber. so forget team Edward or team Jacob, i am completely team Bieber. i can't believe i just admitted that! oh my word....
so let's just forget about his music. you may not enjoy it, i know it because of my daughter, she is 9. some of the songs are catchy but honestly i can't understand what he is even saying in some of the songs. i suppose this is because i am not the generation that he is singing to, but his story at the ripe old age of 16 is inspiring. i personally have not had that much drive or determination about anything in my 34 years.
oh geez, i am revealing so much about myself...i like justin bieber and i have no drive. how lame am i? well while i am at it i will add that i can crochet, cross stitch and i have made a snoopy latch hook rug as an adult. i carry around a ping pong ball (that is pink), a giant screw and a clown nose in my purse everyday. i am a sucker for a good musical and i love folk music. so there you go i am a complete dork, but i am comfortable and more than pleased with who i am.
so if you haven't done so already go see the justin bieber movie, matinee only, and if you can find it in 2D go to that one, there is absolutely no need to see in Real 3D.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
desert solitaire....edward abbey
i just read Desert Solitaire by Edward Abbey. someone who i admire and respect tremendously recommended this read and it didn't disappoint. i think that is how it goes though, when you truly respect someone for their values, opinions and views, you will naturally enjoy things they like. there is that whole opposites attract thing, but i also think there is a natural magnetic draw between some individuals.
lately, i have taken more time to notice the earth that i, you, we all live in. the foundations of our earth that naturally form here, not what man has created here. im talking about the sky, clouds, sun, mountains, oceans, rivers, valleys and peaks, trees, flowers, rain, animals to insects. i don't care if you come from the belief of evolution or God created our surroundings, that doesn't matter to me, i hold no judgment of your beliefs. our earth is spectacular and i feel priviledged to inhabit it.
my views of our planet are limited. i am not a world traveler and honestly i am not even a domestic traveler. i have spent most of my life in the pacific northwest, but it hasn't disappointed me in the least. i have always loved the area, again i don't have much to compare it to, but i haven't always paid attention to what is really around me. i tend to live in a tunnel, with my focus on a few certain things and don't necessarily block out the rest but am indifferent.
in my attempts to live in the moment and just be, i am taking note of the beauty i am surrounded by. today is spectacular. it is february, this is typically a month of rainy dreary cold weather, but not today. the sun is shining, the skies are blue and clear, i can see all the mountain ranges. the trees are still bare, but if you look closely small delicate buds are starting to form.
in this book, Edward, describes a heat unlike any i have ever experienced; turn a piece of bread left out into something like toast in thirty minutes. holy cow! i can't even imagine heat like that. now the book is in the desert, duh it's in the title, and i get that the heat is different than what we have here, but i start complaining of being too hot in 75 degree weather. i wonder just how hot it is to dry toast out so quickly? im sure i would be a complete pain in the rear because i would be a whiny little baby, but i would like to experience that someday. he talks about how quiet and calm it is when it is that hot. i wonder if my internal dialogue would be screaming at me "hey crazy lady, get your rear into a freezer!" or would i be able to just be feel the heat, the calm, the stillness around me? wouldn't that be something?
i went for a run today with a good friend. oh a little side note, officially signed up for my first 5K, not really sure what i am thinking because as you know i am NOT a runner, but we are doing it together. anyway, off track again, we were out running last night. it was freezing cold, snow in the forecast, the winds were blowing, and it started to drizzle, but the sky was amazing, bright sun, gray and white clouds, blue sky all right there for us to enjoy. enjoy only if we take the time to do so. staring at that incredible sky helps me to calm my breathing, steady my pace, draw some sort of strength from within that screams at me, "you ARE a runner". i still don't believe that completely, but i did feel good.
so back to the book, i am not that i am person who could "live off the grid". being surrounded by just the great earth, without another soul to talk to, relying on myself and my skills to carry me through each day. although i might like the solitude for a period of time, short period of time, i couldn't do it long term. i have been wanting to go away for the weekend (see how short i'm talking), just me and sit and be. no electronics, no plans, no house to clean, no errands to run, just me. im not even that picky on where it would be, but i do love the beach so maybe someplace by the water. someplace where i can sit, listen to the water rush in and out over the rocks. i really love that sound, it is incredible.
well i think it would have been really cool to meet Edward. im sure he would have had some crass way of telling me how to live in the moment. how to find peace in just being. i do admire those who are so complex and artistic in their ways yet are so simple. thank you book recommender, this was a good read and i may try and tackle another of Edward Abbey's book.
lately, i have taken more time to notice the earth that i, you, we all live in. the foundations of our earth that naturally form here, not what man has created here. im talking about the sky, clouds, sun, mountains, oceans, rivers, valleys and peaks, trees, flowers, rain, animals to insects. i don't care if you come from the belief of evolution or God created our surroundings, that doesn't matter to me, i hold no judgment of your beliefs. our earth is spectacular and i feel priviledged to inhabit it.
my views of our planet are limited. i am not a world traveler and honestly i am not even a domestic traveler. i have spent most of my life in the pacific northwest, but it hasn't disappointed me in the least. i have always loved the area, again i don't have much to compare it to, but i haven't always paid attention to what is really around me. i tend to live in a tunnel, with my focus on a few certain things and don't necessarily block out the rest but am indifferent.
in my attempts to live in the moment and just be, i am taking note of the beauty i am surrounded by. today is spectacular. it is february, this is typically a month of rainy dreary cold weather, but not today. the sun is shining, the skies are blue and clear, i can see all the mountain ranges. the trees are still bare, but if you look closely small delicate buds are starting to form.
in this book, Edward, describes a heat unlike any i have ever experienced; turn a piece of bread left out into something like toast in thirty minutes. holy cow! i can't even imagine heat like that. now the book is in the desert, duh it's in the title, and i get that the heat is different than what we have here, but i start complaining of being too hot in 75 degree weather. i wonder just how hot it is to dry toast out so quickly? im sure i would be a complete pain in the rear because i would be a whiny little baby, but i would like to experience that someday. he talks about how quiet and calm it is when it is that hot. i wonder if my internal dialogue would be screaming at me "hey crazy lady, get your rear into a freezer!" or would i be able to just be feel the heat, the calm, the stillness around me? wouldn't that be something?
i went for a run today with a good friend. oh a little side note, officially signed up for my first 5K, not really sure what i am thinking because as you know i am NOT a runner, but we are doing it together. anyway, off track again, we were out running last night. it was freezing cold, snow in the forecast, the winds were blowing, and it started to drizzle, but the sky was amazing, bright sun, gray and white clouds, blue sky all right there for us to enjoy. enjoy only if we take the time to do so. staring at that incredible sky helps me to calm my breathing, steady my pace, draw some sort of strength from within that screams at me, "you ARE a runner". i still don't believe that completely, but i did feel good.
so back to the book, i am not that i am person who could "live off the grid". being surrounded by just the great earth, without another soul to talk to, relying on myself and my skills to carry me through each day. although i might like the solitude for a period of time, short period of time, i couldn't do it long term. i have been wanting to go away for the weekend (see how short i'm talking), just me and sit and be. no electronics, no plans, no house to clean, no errands to run, just me. im not even that picky on where it would be, but i do love the beach so maybe someplace by the water. someplace where i can sit, listen to the water rush in and out over the rocks. i really love that sound, it is incredible.
well i think it would have been really cool to meet Edward. im sure he would have had some crass way of telling me how to live in the moment. how to find peace in just being. i do admire those who are so complex and artistic in their ways yet are so simple. thank you book recommender, this was a good read and i may try and tackle another of Edward Abbey's book.
adventures in dating.....
im feeling the need to giggle this morning. so far my morning has not been good or great. i had every intention of going to church and then my mood soured and i got frustrated and angry. i yelled at my kids, they didn't do anything, they were just being kids, but i had this wave of emotions without an outlet. so i screamed and hollered, cried by myself in my bedroom, wrote a note to myself regarding the reason i was angry and now i want to laugh. so how am i going to accomplish this, well that is simple, i am going to recap my dating experience over the last year, it always makes me giggle.
so first i must say that i am not a "serial dater" no time; kids, work, friends, family...all takes precedence to dating. however in my limited time i have met some interesting folks, had some interesting adventures and of course some good laughs. in an effort to shield my kiddos from the chaos code names have been given, i will be using those code names here. sometimes the names are just as fun as the adventure. oh and just so you know the fellas are in no particular order, ha!
dart guy: i met him through a mutual friend, there is more to him than darts, actually he is a really great guy and we still get together on occasion (once i beat him at darts that may have to end, just kidding). i was in the middle of my divorce and attempting to date...completely stupid on my part, note to self: you are not ready to date when going through a divorce, don't even attempt it, you just come across as some totally crazy person! so dart guy, really nice, super laid back, attractive, and easy to be around. the only problem with him is that he has so much testosterone (being such a manly man) that everytime i was around him my period would start. ummm....this is NOT supposed to happen, especially since i was on a form of birth control where i didn't have my period and hadn't had it for over a year. it was completely insane. now maybe with some time this would have subsided, but ultimately i wasn't ready and he knew it and we remain friends.
diamond knot guys: another note to self, do NOT under any circumstances go out on a date with a guy from a place that you like to frequent, it just makes the aftermath uncomfortable. the staff at dk is great, the guys are friendly and cute but they are too young. here is what i have discovered about the youngins (under 30), they are just in a different place in life than i am and seem to want different things from a relationship than i do.
my first experience was just lunch (remember i have limited time, this was all i had), super funny guy we laughed the whole entire lunch. a friend text me later that day, well????? ummm too hairy! we laughed hysterically. so im not really into a full beard, it is just too much hair for me; food gets caught in it, it is a lot of maintenace and well they just smell.
then there was face licker, we went to dinner. this was by far the most interesting experience i have ever had. first was the name: me: "what's your name? what? im sure if you spell it i will understand what you are saying." phew i finally understood what he was saying and then my next question is, "is that the name you were born with?" from the get go this was a disaster, he was really late, wanted to make out everywhere (just for the record i am not opposed to kissing, in fact i really like kissing but not everywhere restaurant, car, parking lot, oh my word keep your lips to yourself). then there was dinner, he was nice enough, but the questions he was asking me put me into tears, they weren't negative just brought up stuff that i didn't want to talk about. then he started ragging on my ex, umm hello you don't even know him shut up. then he told me, "all you really need is a good sexual relationship." which i replied, "you are probably right, but i am not interested in what pleases you or anyone else, im focusing on me." so we leave the restaurant, get into my car (he didn't have one) and he licks my face!!! so gross. yeah that didn't work out.
another dk experience has turned out to be a really good friend. sitting at a table with my friend and this short guy sits next to me. i am not ultra tall, but i have an aversion to shorter men, i don't want to be taller than them. so we are chatting and he asks me something about going out sometime and i look at him, "you are too short it is never going to happen." ok that was just rude, but he took in stride. i have now become his wing man, and he checks in with his latest conquest for my opinion. most of the time they are half his age and i just laugh at him, but it is very entertaining.
so this height thing brings me to my next adventure 6-10. first time we got together was for brunch. i wore the tallest shoes i own knowing that there was no way on earth i would be taller than him. had a really nice time at brunch. prior to brunch i had only seen him in my office. he canceled on me the next two times and then we ended up going to the ocean for the weekend. i purposely wore flat shoes all weekend, just to see how tall tall is. well it is really really tall. so i have not discounted him because he is too tall, but so far the timing just hasn't worked.
then there is t-to the-y. now this is a guy that i have a super fun time with, we have done some amazing things together. always have a super good time, laugh until our tummies ache, eat great food, see good shows (well i was sitting and staring at the giant butt in my face, but it sounded great), but there hasn't been a romantic connection. my best girlfriends are always asking, "are you sure there isn't anything there? you guys seem to get along great, you always have fun, lots in common, what's the issue?" if he wants to chime in here i will let him tell you the issue....haha. it is a really good story and i would love to share the exact words, but since he doesn't recall saying them i probably shouldn't. we are coming up on our 1yr. anniversary and will spend it together. see this is how silly he is, 1yr anniversary of our friendship and adventure together through life. gotta love a friend like that.
crane guy: i met him once at greenlake, where we sat and talked for hours out in the sun, that was a really good afternoon. really interesting guy. funny coincidence his daughter and mine have the same name. wouldn't that be crazy??? everynow and then crane guy shoots me a text, we make plans to go get a beer and then the day comes and goes without a word. i don't know...i have stopped trying to figure him out. crane guy...what is your deal?
dating is crazy. as you can see i tend to just go out and break bread with someone and then that is it. the few who i remain in contact with have become good friends. i think you know right from the get go if there is something worth pursuing or not. i do love meeting new people, i think humans are fascinating.
well i feel better, which was my goal. time to get something done today.
cheers
so first i must say that i am not a "serial dater" no time; kids, work, friends, family...all takes precedence to dating. however in my limited time i have met some interesting folks, had some interesting adventures and of course some good laughs. in an effort to shield my kiddos from the chaos code names have been given, i will be using those code names here. sometimes the names are just as fun as the adventure. oh and just so you know the fellas are in no particular order, ha!
dart guy: i met him through a mutual friend, there is more to him than darts, actually he is a really great guy and we still get together on occasion (once i beat him at darts that may have to end, just kidding). i was in the middle of my divorce and attempting to date...completely stupid on my part, note to self: you are not ready to date when going through a divorce, don't even attempt it, you just come across as some totally crazy person! so dart guy, really nice, super laid back, attractive, and easy to be around. the only problem with him is that he has so much testosterone (being such a manly man) that everytime i was around him my period would start. ummm....this is NOT supposed to happen, especially since i was on a form of birth control where i didn't have my period and hadn't had it for over a year. it was completely insane. now maybe with some time this would have subsided, but ultimately i wasn't ready and he knew it and we remain friends.
diamond knot guys: another note to self, do NOT under any circumstances go out on a date with a guy from a place that you like to frequent, it just makes the aftermath uncomfortable. the staff at dk is great, the guys are friendly and cute but they are too young. here is what i have discovered about the youngins (under 30), they are just in a different place in life than i am and seem to want different things from a relationship than i do.
my first experience was just lunch (remember i have limited time, this was all i had), super funny guy we laughed the whole entire lunch. a friend text me later that day, well????? ummm too hairy! we laughed hysterically. so im not really into a full beard, it is just too much hair for me; food gets caught in it, it is a lot of maintenace and well they just smell.
then there was face licker, we went to dinner. this was by far the most interesting experience i have ever had. first was the name: me: "what's your name? what? im sure if you spell it i will understand what you are saying." phew i finally understood what he was saying and then my next question is, "is that the name you were born with?" from the get go this was a disaster, he was really late, wanted to make out everywhere (just for the record i am not opposed to kissing, in fact i really like kissing but not everywhere restaurant, car, parking lot, oh my word keep your lips to yourself). then there was dinner, he was nice enough, but the questions he was asking me put me into tears, they weren't negative just brought up stuff that i didn't want to talk about. then he started ragging on my ex, umm hello you don't even know him shut up. then he told me, "all you really need is a good sexual relationship." which i replied, "you are probably right, but i am not interested in what pleases you or anyone else, im focusing on me." so we leave the restaurant, get into my car (he didn't have one) and he licks my face!!! so gross. yeah that didn't work out.
another dk experience has turned out to be a really good friend. sitting at a table with my friend and this short guy sits next to me. i am not ultra tall, but i have an aversion to shorter men, i don't want to be taller than them. so we are chatting and he asks me something about going out sometime and i look at him, "you are too short it is never going to happen." ok that was just rude, but he took in stride. i have now become his wing man, and he checks in with his latest conquest for my opinion. most of the time they are half his age and i just laugh at him, but it is very entertaining.
so this height thing brings me to my next adventure 6-10. first time we got together was for brunch. i wore the tallest shoes i own knowing that there was no way on earth i would be taller than him. had a really nice time at brunch. prior to brunch i had only seen him in my office. he canceled on me the next two times and then we ended up going to the ocean for the weekend. i purposely wore flat shoes all weekend, just to see how tall tall is. well it is really really tall. so i have not discounted him because he is too tall, but so far the timing just hasn't worked.
then there is t-to the-y. now this is a guy that i have a super fun time with, we have done some amazing things together. always have a super good time, laugh until our tummies ache, eat great food, see good shows (well i was sitting and staring at the giant butt in my face, but it sounded great), but there hasn't been a romantic connection. my best girlfriends are always asking, "are you sure there isn't anything there? you guys seem to get along great, you always have fun, lots in common, what's the issue?" if he wants to chime in here i will let him tell you the issue....haha. it is a really good story and i would love to share the exact words, but since he doesn't recall saying them i probably shouldn't. we are coming up on our 1yr. anniversary and will spend it together. see this is how silly he is, 1yr anniversary of our friendship and adventure together through life. gotta love a friend like that.
crane guy: i met him once at greenlake, where we sat and talked for hours out in the sun, that was a really good afternoon. really interesting guy. funny coincidence his daughter and mine have the same name. wouldn't that be crazy??? everynow and then crane guy shoots me a text, we make plans to go get a beer and then the day comes and goes without a word. i don't know...i have stopped trying to figure him out. crane guy...what is your deal?
dating is crazy. as you can see i tend to just go out and break bread with someone and then that is it. the few who i remain in contact with have become good friends. i think you know right from the get go if there is something worth pursuing or not. i do love meeting new people, i think humans are fascinating.
well i feel better, which was my goal. time to get something done today.
cheers
Saturday, February 19, 2011
dating....stinks!
dating. dating as an adult. dating as an adult with kids. all of it is strange and something i never ever wanted to be a part of. i find myself in this strange place that i have no idea how to navigate. do i go north, south, east, west i just don't know. it seems safer to just be by myself, although i don't want to be.
i was asked the other day, are you dating yet? no. why not? the answer is easy and complicated. first and foremost i am not interested in introducing random "joe's" into my kids lives. i think it would be irresponsible of me and unfair to them if i always had a different flavor of the week. i would rather save myself the grief and save my children from all that chaos and confusion. my kids have seen me with their dad and J. J was the first "love interest" i was comfortable introducing to my kids and i think if the circumstances that led him to leave hadn't happened he would still be here. they still ask about him and i have no answers to give them. it is confusing not only for them but for me too. i do not like lying to my kids, so when they ask about J i say, "i just don't know, but we aren't going to judge." it's the best i've got.
second, i have no idea how to date. geez i was involved with my ex for 15 years. i know how to be completely immersed in someone's life. i don't expect that kind of relationship right from the get go, but i don't know what the expectations or "rules of engagement" are. it is very confusing. for instance, is a full face lick, yes lick chin to scalp, a new way of saying, "i'm into you we should date?" i seriously hope not because i just about pucked! i have tried the whole on-line thing. it stinks! you can't get a feel for who someone is over a computer. i would rather meet someone out and about in their environment, something a little more organic rather than technologic. the other thing about on-line stuff is that it moves really quick. which brings me to my third reason...
i just don't have time. this may seem completely stupid, but i'm serious. i have one night a week off, thursdays. sometimes i spend that night by myself and recharge, other times i meet up with friends at one of my favorite places DK and just shoot the breeze, catch up, laugh, be social. then i have every other weekend (a typical visitation schedule), but those fill up fast and not with dates. i remember being asked out once and he asked when i had time, " well let's see, how about brunch on a sunday 3 weeks from now." i mean come on who wants that? if i am going to date, i want to see them more than 4 times a month, and not to be disrespectful to you men, but i don't want to tie up all my free time (right now) with a guy. i suppose i could have more time, but i don't get babysitters so i can go on a date with some random dude. i guess i look at it as telling my kids, "i'm leaving you to meet a stranger, who may or may not become a part of your life too". i would rather they just don't know (see first reason).
the whole thing in reason number one came up recently. i met my kids for roller skating. earlier in the day my good friend, a guy friend, asked if i could do lunch, said i couldn't i was going skating with the kids wanna come, sure i will meet you there. ok sounds harmless. well i forgot that my kids had never met said friend, i only see him when they aren't around. when i got to the skate deck, he was already there and my kids were already skating. i hit the deck with my friend and my daughter from across the rink yells, "mom, are you here with a guy!?" oh my goodness, she is so embarassing sometimes. she comes closer and i introduce them and she seems ok with the answer. well later on that night, she is crying. it started with i want to stay up late and watch tv in my bed...ummm no and then the waterworks. we sit and chat and she eventually says, "i don't like seeing you with other guys."
sometimes i think it would be so much easier to just get back together with my ex. my kids wouldn't have so many questions, i wouldn't feel like i've hurt them beyond repair, i wouldn't have to date, but NO that is not a viable solution. i would still end up in the same place i am today, just later down the road. later down the road equals...i will be much older, with more baggage, my kids would still have questions and this time they would be "why did you stay so long if you were so unhappy?", my ex would still feel blindsided and blame me.
this is definitely not a good solution. so what is a girl to do? i guess just the same thing i have been doing. i take care of my kids, because they are my first priority. i create my own happiness and not rely on others to do it for me. i continue to meet new people when i am out and about and maybe just maybe the right person will come along.
i was asked the other day, are you dating yet? no. why not? the answer is easy and complicated. first and foremost i am not interested in introducing random "joe's" into my kids lives. i think it would be irresponsible of me and unfair to them if i always had a different flavor of the week. i would rather save myself the grief and save my children from all that chaos and confusion. my kids have seen me with their dad and J. J was the first "love interest" i was comfortable introducing to my kids and i think if the circumstances that led him to leave hadn't happened he would still be here. they still ask about him and i have no answers to give them. it is confusing not only for them but for me too. i do not like lying to my kids, so when they ask about J i say, "i just don't know, but we aren't going to judge." it's the best i've got.
second, i have no idea how to date. geez i was involved with my ex for 15 years. i know how to be completely immersed in someone's life. i don't expect that kind of relationship right from the get go, but i don't know what the expectations or "rules of engagement" are. it is very confusing. for instance, is a full face lick, yes lick chin to scalp, a new way of saying, "i'm into you we should date?" i seriously hope not because i just about pucked! i have tried the whole on-line thing. it stinks! you can't get a feel for who someone is over a computer. i would rather meet someone out and about in their environment, something a little more organic rather than technologic. the other thing about on-line stuff is that it moves really quick. which brings me to my third reason...
i just don't have time. this may seem completely stupid, but i'm serious. i have one night a week off, thursdays. sometimes i spend that night by myself and recharge, other times i meet up with friends at one of my favorite places DK and just shoot the breeze, catch up, laugh, be social. then i have every other weekend (a typical visitation schedule), but those fill up fast and not with dates. i remember being asked out once and he asked when i had time, " well let's see, how about brunch on a sunday 3 weeks from now." i mean come on who wants that? if i am going to date, i want to see them more than 4 times a month, and not to be disrespectful to you men, but i don't want to tie up all my free time (right now) with a guy. i suppose i could have more time, but i don't get babysitters so i can go on a date with some random dude. i guess i look at it as telling my kids, "i'm leaving you to meet a stranger, who may or may not become a part of your life too". i would rather they just don't know (see first reason).
the whole thing in reason number one came up recently. i met my kids for roller skating. earlier in the day my good friend, a guy friend, asked if i could do lunch, said i couldn't i was going skating with the kids wanna come, sure i will meet you there. ok sounds harmless. well i forgot that my kids had never met said friend, i only see him when they aren't around. when i got to the skate deck, he was already there and my kids were already skating. i hit the deck with my friend and my daughter from across the rink yells, "mom, are you here with a guy!?" oh my goodness, she is so embarassing sometimes. she comes closer and i introduce them and she seems ok with the answer. well later on that night, she is crying. it started with i want to stay up late and watch tv in my bed...ummm no and then the waterworks. we sit and chat and she eventually says, "i don't like seeing you with other guys."
sometimes i think it would be so much easier to just get back together with my ex. my kids wouldn't have so many questions, i wouldn't feel like i've hurt them beyond repair, i wouldn't have to date, but NO that is not a viable solution. i would still end up in the same place i am today, just later down the road. later down the road equals...i will be much older, with more baggage, my kids would still have questions and this time they would be "why did you stay so long if you were so unhappy?", my ex would still feel blindsided and blame me.
this is definitely not a good solution. so what is a girl to do? i guess just the same thing i have been doing. i take care of my kids, because they are my first priority. i create my own happiness and not rely on others to do it for me. i continue to meet new people when i am out and about and maybe just maybe the right person will come along.
Friday, February 18, 2011
pajamas are not pants...
it's friday and this is the day i talk about clothes. i have tons of other stuff i want to talk about, but i am trying to stay focused. i have a big beef about what some people think is acceptable clothing for a public appearance. now im not talking red carpet event, just your average joe going to the mini mart for a case of Pabst or your run down tired mom dropping off kids at a birthday party. i see this so often it just drives me crazy, you know what i am talking about....pajama bottoms as pants. they are NOT pants!!!
so i will admit that i have committed this offense on a number of occasions. however none of these occasions was because i was too lazy to put on real clothes. every year my kid's school has an event called "snuggle up and read", you are supposed to come in your pj's and blankets and listen to the stories that are being read that night in the gym. i wear my pj's there, but one time i had to stop for gas on the way home. i was really embarrassed to get out of my car and pump gas in my pj's. maybe i shouldn't be, because so many people do it, but i was. so arrest me if you want, but this is not a regular practice of mine and i will tell you why.
when i was a new mom i had a pair of coordinating sweatsuits for every day of the week. i couldn't find the time to wear my grown up clothes so i wore sweats everywhere. after awhile i was noticing that i was a complete slug. i was never really motivated to do anything, but encourage the "pancake butt" while i enjoyed the mindless shows on tv. my sweats were comfy but they were not motivating me to move. dude, it is important to move and be active and to be productive.
so my slow transformation from a sweatpant clad, unmotivated slob to put together mom on the go began. first step is to take a freaking shower before the babes get up, because let's face it once they are up it is difficult to find the time to shower. step two, do not under any circumstances put on elastic waist pants and matching hoodie. it is just as easy to put on a pair of jeans and a simple tshirt. okay i suppose there are a couple of extra steps you have to zip and button , but im thinking that this is a less than 30 second process, totally manageable.
im not sure about you, but i do not feel attractive, sexy or desireable in freaking sweats or pajamas for that matter. well some pajamas, but i don't think we call them pajamas because they aren't meant for sleeping in...focus heather focus. ok where was i? oh yeah, putting on real clothes made me realize that i am a woman with curves, some bigger than others, and that just because i am now toting around kiddos doesn't mean that i should hide my body.
the other thing that happened when i started putting on real clothes is pretty cool, i started doing more. my house was getting and staying clean, i was getting dinner on the table, i was seeing my friends, and that "pancake butt" well it was filling back out. i really think that humans are more productive when they are dressed for the day, whether that be a suit to the office or the uniform you are required to wear. i know when i am on a "dress down friday" i am not nearly as productive as a regular work day. if i wait until 3 o'clock in the afternoon to shower, my day is shot and i get absolutely nothing done.
as with every friday i have to list my clothes...i must admit im getting closer to group that i don't wear as often.
Monday: dress with short sleeve tshirt bodice and silky dot skirt, black ribbed cardigan with sash belt, black tights and pumps.
Wednesday: black and white kaleidoscope print dress, black tights and red boots
Thursday: olive green skirt, black turtleneck, black boots and tights with a scarf made with love from shreddie (love you shreddie)
Friday: purple medallion print dress with black pumps and tights
so ladies and fellas, get dressed! the rest of us don't want to see you in your pj's...just sayin'
so i will admit that i have committed this offense on a number of occasions. however none of these occasions was because i was too lazy to put on real clothes. every year my kid's school has an event called "snuggle up and read", you are supposed to come in your pj's and blankets and listen to the stories that are being read that night in the gym. i wear my pj's there, but one time i had to stop for gas on the way home. i was really embarrassed to get out of my car and pump gas in my pj's. maybe i shouldn't be, because so many people do it, but i was. so arrest me if you want, but this is not a regular practice of mine and i will tell you why.
when i was a new mom i had a pair of coordinating sweatsuits for every day of the week. i couldn't find the time to wear my grown up clothes so i wore sweats everywhere. after awhile i was noticing that i was a complete slug. i was never really motivated to do anything, but encourage the "pancake butt" while i enjoyed the mindless shows on tv. my sweats were comfy but they were not motivating me to move. dude, it is important to move and be active and to be productive.
so my slow transformation from a sweatpant clad, unmotivated slob to put together mom on the go began. first step is to take a freaking shower before the babes get up, because let's face it once they are up it is difficult to find the time to shower. step two, do not under any circumstances put on elastic waist pants and matching hoodie. it is just as easy to put on a pair of jeans and a simple tshirt. okay i suppose there are a couple of extra steps you have to zip and button , but im thinking that this is a less than 30 second process, totally manageable.
im not sure about you, but i do not feel attractive, sexy or desireable in freaking sweats or pajamas for that matter. well some pajamas, but i don't think we call them pajamas because they aren't meant for sleeping in...focus heather focus. ok where was i? oh yeah, putting on real clothes made me realize that i am a woman with curves, some bigger than others, and that just because i am now toting around kiddos doesn't mean that i should hide my body.
the other thing that happened when i started putting on real clothes is pretty cool, i started doing more. my house was getting and staying clean, i was getting dinner on the table, i was seeing my friends, and that "pancake butt" well it was filling back out. i really think that humans are more productive when they are dressed for the day, whether that be a suit to the office or the uniform you are required to wear. i know when i am on a "dress down friday" i am not nearly as productive as a regular work day. if i wait until 3 o'clock in the afternoon to shower, my day is shot and i get absolutely nothing done.
as with every friday i have to list my clothes...i must admit im getting closer to group that i don't wear as often.
Monday: dress with short sleeve tshirt bodice and silky dot skirt, black ribbed cardigan with sash belt, black tights and pumps.
Wednesday: black and white kaleidoscope print dress, black tights and red boots
Thursday: olive green skirt, black turtleneck, black boots and tights with a scarf made with love from shreddie (love you shreddie)
Friday: purple medallion print dress with black pumps and tights
so ladies and fellas, get dressed! the rest of us don't want to see you in your pj's...just sayin'
Thursday, February 17, 2011
jealousy injures us with the dagger of self doubt.....
i have a knot in my stomach, an ache in my heart, i can feel my chest constrict and i have to swallow the sobs that are trying to escape, blink back the tears that are brimming my lids, but alas a few have crested their banks and are making a slow steady journey down the contours of my face.
what spurred this on? jealousy...oooh i don't like you jealousy. to try and ease my anxiety and understand this emotion i am looking at it deeper. first stop wikipedia: an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness and disgust. it is not to be confused with envy. yep, i am feeling jealous. i do not have the emotions of anger or disgust, but i do have sadness associated with my jealousy.
i can feel it sneaking up to my door, scratching ever so softly to pique my curiosity. if i open the door to investigate it will consume me. the crazy voice in my head is having a hay day, "open it. what are you afraid of? you weren't enough." the sane voice says, "believe in yourself, you are strong and worthy." honestly i want to tell them both to, "HUSH!! leave me be." just in case you think i am total crazy person who should be in a padded room, i don't really hear voices, but if i did i am sure this is what they would say.
my second stop is http://www.quotegarden.com/. i love words and how different they sound strung together in interesting ways. i am not a girl who has the imagination or eloquence to write beautiful, meaningful, artistic thoughts so i like to read what others say. there is a lot written about jealousy, here are few of my favorites;
he that is not jealous is not in love. ~st. augustine
the jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves. ~william penn, some fruits of solitude 1693
jealousy injures us with the dagger of self doubt. ~terri guillemets
jealousy would be far less torturous if we understood that love is a passion entirely unrelated to our merits. ~paul eldridge
jealousy is always born with love, but does not always die with it. ~Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld, maxims
and then lastly this: jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. ~jennifer james
this last one is hitting home for me today, there is more to what jennifer said, but the first part is what spoke to me. i am thankful for the words that are shared with me because i do not believe that they are shared with everyone, but i am jealous, jealous of the interaction that those who have made the inner circle get.
i am trapped in the stronghold of your talons. i try to escape but your grip has pierced my skin. as you soar higher and farther away, a trail of scarlet drops marks my path home. i can break free, but at what cost? are we too high to survive the fall? will i be able to drag my broken skeleton back to safety, security, peace? will the harsh red open gashes in my flesh heal? or maybe those wounds will be infected with doubt and anger which will eventually harden to stone unable to be softened. have we traveled too far? will i lose my way, unable to find the path? for now the risk is too high and i rest comfortably in the pain of your grip.
the dark cloud of jealousy has passed and revealed the bright blue calm of acceptance.
what spurred this on? jealousy...oooh i don't like you jealousy. to try and ease my anxiety and understand this emotion i am looking at it deeper. first stop wikipedia: an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness and disgust. it is not to be confused with envy. yep, i am feeling jealous. i do not have the emotions of anger or disgust, but i do have sadness associated with my jealousy.
i can feel it sneaking up to my door, scratching ever so softly to pique my curiosity. if i open the door to investigate it will consume me. the crazy voice in my head is having a hay day, "open it. what are you afraid of? you weren't enough." the sane voice says, "believe in yourself, you are strong and worthy." honestly i want to tell them both to, "HUSH!! leave me be." just in case you think i am total crazy person who should be in a padded room, i don't really hear voices, but if i did i am sure this is what they would say.
my second stop is http://www.quotegarden.com/. i love words and how different they sound strung together in interesting ways. i am not a girl who has the imagination or eloquence to write beautiful, meaningful, artistic thoughts so i like to read what others say. there is a lot written about jealousy, here are few of my favorites;
he that is not jealous is not in love. ~st. augustine
the jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves. ~william penn, some fruits of solitude 1693
jealousy injures us with the dagger of self doubt. ~terri guillemets
jealousy would be far less torturous if we understood that love is a passion entirely unrelated to our merits. ~paul eldridge
jealousy is always born with love, but does not always die with it. ~Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld, maxims
and then lastly this: jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. ~jennifer james
this last one is hitting home for me today, there is more to what jennifer said, but the first part is what spoke to me. i am thankful for the words that are shared with me because i do not believe that they are shared with everyone, but i am jealous, jealous of the interaction that those who have made the inner circle get.
i am trapped in the stronghold of your talons. i try to escape but your grip has pierced my skin. as you soar higher and farther away, a trail of scarlet drops marks my path home. i can break free, but at what cost? are we too high to survive the fall? will i be able to drag my broken skeleton back to safety, security, peace? will the harsh red open gashes in my flesh heal? or maybe those wounds will be infected with doubt and anger which will eventually harden to stone unable to be softened. have we traveled too far? will i lose my way, unable to find the path? for now the risk is too high and i rest comfortably in the pain of your grip.
the dark cloud of jealousy has passed and revealed the bright blue calm of acceptance.
reflection...who do you see?
how often do you stare at yourself in the mirror? when you see your reflection are you seeing your true self? do you see who you want to be? do you see all the imperfections, that only you can see? do you see the beauty of who you are? when your face is stripped bare do you see yourself differently? when you have your "face on" do you see a more confident you?
on my new adventure, discovering what i want, what i don't want, who i want to be i find myself staring at myself in the mirror. looking for a clue as to who i am, what defines me, what do others see? if i look at all the features of my face individually i like what i see. for 34 almost 35 it isn't too bad, thanks mom and dad for good genes.
my forehead is not too big, average in size i suppose. it is forever marked with a smallish scar. an accident i encountered when i was really little in a laundr-o-mat. i can still remember getting the stitches. my forehead is adorned with strong, sometimes manicured eyebrows, they are dark and full, but no unibrow. my eyebrows are not talented, i cannot make one go up, they move together in unison.
i love eyes, the windows to your soul. my eyes are green, mom calls them goose poop, but i prefer green. they are bright and big, hopeful and sad, inquisitive and longing. lashes are long, i have to curl them so they don't stick straight out and put on the darkest mascara i can find to make them visible, but overall they are good. i have crow's feet at the corners of my eyes. i am not worreid about the wrinkles. i wear them proudly. they are a badge of honor that reflects the smile, the warmth, the happiness that i find everyday.
my cheekbones are high. i always dress them with blush, just on the apples, like a porcelain doll. maybe this is my attempt at looking innocent and demure or just a beauty tip to look youthful. you decide...
i have a rather largish nose with the "thaler hump" in the bridge. the hump is not my favorite, but it is part of my family heritage and i display it with honor. i am not one who tries to diminish its prominence with fancy make up tips, it is a part of me.
i have full lips, the bottom one is fuller than the top, thanks to years of breathing through my mouth. yes i was one of those disgusting trolls that breathed through their mouth, but i had a really good reason for doing so. one of my nostrils was blocked with a bone spur for many years and well you just can't breath adequately through one nostril. they are a naturally pink hue that doesn't require lining or color, just a little chapstick and some gloss.
top this all off with a strong jaw line and square-ish chin. my chin is embellished with a squiggly scar from a trip over my handlebars that ended with me crash landing into the pavement with my chin...ummm not sure what i was doing with my hands, but there was definitely a short from brain to hands that day.
individually these are all good adequate features. nothing spectacular but nothing to be ashamed of either. when i see them all together i am pleased. there is joy, hope and love that exudes from my reflection. this is not just the face that i share with the world to see, it is who i am. sometimes the angle of my jaw reflects the pain and struggles that i have faced, but i have learned to love the glimpse of that pain. it reminds me that i am strong and i am dealing and rising.
on my new adventure, discovering what i want, what i don't want, who i want to be i find myself staring at myself in the mirror. looking for a clue as to who i am, what defines me, what do others see? if i look at all the features of my face individually i like what i see. for 34 almost 35 it isn't too bad, thanks mom and dad for good genes.
my forehead is not too big, average in size i suppose. it is forever marked with a smallish scar. an accident i encountered when i was really little in a laundr-o-mat. i can still remember getting the stitches. my forehead is adorned with strong, sometimes manicured eyebrows, they are dark and full, but no unibrow. my eyebrows are not talented, i cannot make one go up, they move together in unison.
i love eyes, the windows to your soul. my eyes are green, mom calls them goose poop, but i prefer green. they are bright and big, hopeful and sad, inquisitive and longing. lashes are long, i have to curl them so they don't stick straight out and put on the darkest mascara i can find to make them visible, but overall they are good. i have crow's feet at the corners of my eyes. i am not worreid about the wrinkles. i wear them proudly. they are a badge of honor that reflects the smile, the warmth, the happiness that i find everyday.
my cheekbones are high. i always dress them with blush, just on the apples, like a porcelain doll. maybe this is my attempt at looking innocent and demure or just a beauty tip to look youthful. you decide...
i have a rather largish nose with the "thaler hump" in the bridge. the hump is not my favorite, but it is part of my family heritage and i display it with honor. i am not one who tries to diminish its prominence with fancy make up tips, it is a part of me.
i have full lips, the bottom one is fuller than the top, thanks to years of breathing through my mouth. yes i was one of those disgusting trolls that breathed through their mouth, but i had a really good reason for doing so. one of my nostrils was blocked with a bone spur for many years and well you just can't breath adequately through one nostril. they are a naturally pink hue that doesn't require lining or color, just a little chapstick and some gloss.
top this all off with a strong jaw line and square-ish chin. my chin is embellished with a squiggly scar from a trip over my handlebars that ended with me crash landing into the pavement with my chin...ummm not sure what i was doing with my hands, but there was definitely a short from brain to hands that day.
individually these are all good adequate features. nothing spectacular but nothing to be ashamed of either. when i see them all together i am pleased. there is joy, hope and love that exudes from my reflection. this is not just the face that i share with the world to see, it is who i am. sometimes the angle of my jaw reflects the pain and struggles that i have faced, but i have learned to love the glimpse of that pain. it reminds me that i am strong and i am dealing and rising.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
stomach pains, cat fights and memories
my bags are packed again and im off! ok i am still not a great packer. i just can't figure out what to bring, but i think i might be getting better at this packing thing. so this time i am off to portland for the weekend to visit a good friend who has moved there and i am traveling with two of my oldest friends. not oldest as in they are in their 80's, old as in i have known both of them since i was in 6th grade. it is crazy to have people in your life you have known that long, they know absolutely everything there is to know and surprisingly enough you still learn more.
our adventure is going to start from arlington, yep i know this is the wrong direction from my house, but arlington it is. we decide to take the Honda. it's white and zippy, gets better gas mileage and well heath has offered to drive so ummmm....yeah lets go. i take the backseat. i haven't sat in a backseat in a long time. i always seem to be driving. you sure do get a different perspective from the backseat, more to come. we hit the open road, well highway 9 and heath says, "well, we are off and none of us know where we are going?" ha! all we know is that we are going to portland to see our friend keri. sometimes the small details get missed.
the first "discussion" begins. discussion is in paranthesis because the two front seat passengers, driver heather and co-pilot hope have an interesting way of communicating with each other. they both have strong personalities and freely express their opinions. to the outside viewer you might think that they are arguing, but never fear this is just how they talk to each other, it's all good. so the discussion is about where to eat and get gas. hope definitely doesn't want to get gas in lk. stevens too expensive and heather is not a fan of having to stop once we get on the freeway and so it begins, the playful back and forth banter between friends that act more like sisters. i enjoy my view of the proceedings from the backseat not really caring where we go, my only request is that we don't eat mcdonalds. for some reason mcdonalds always gives me diarrhea and i really don't want to crap my pants en route because we couldn't get to a potty fast enough. im not hard to please, this is a simple request, one that benefits not just me but the other passengers in the car.
after a mile of discussion the pilot and co-pilot decide that lk. stevens is the best option. we pull through taco bell, seriously one of my least favorites but it brings back great memories of high school and then to get gas. the next discussion ensues, did we take the right vehicle. the honda was decided because it gets better gas mileage than the expedition (hope's rig), just for the record i didn't offer to drive my car it is old and dirty and i just didn't have time to clean it all out and spruce her up for visitors. so as we are driving to get gas heather informs us that the honda takes supreme. haha... this is so funny, we take the smaller car because of gas mileage and probably spend just as much because it takes the best. again its the small details that get missed. hope and myself go inside the gas station to get some road munchies. for those of you who know me well, i got the big bag of pepperoni sticks, i love my meat. so as we are checking out the register lady says to me, "have a nice trip with your meat." ha! strange statement but funny and i started to giggle. i am easily amused by others and myself.
ok now we are on the road. let's set the scene, we have our economy car fueled up with the most expensive gas one can buy, our gut bombs that we are going to consume so we don't pass out from hunger, waters, sodas, licorice, and of course my meat! time to play the tunes. heather has put together a road trip playlist for our travels. heather primarily listens to country, hope can't stand country. do you kind of see how this trip is going? ha! it isn't as bad as what you might think. heather's playlist does not include any country, but me who listens to folk music alot (ok you can stop laughing at me now), has never heard most of these songs, but as a music lover i rock out anyway. it is surprising how many ways you can say "watermelon" and still sound like you are singing the words to a song!
so i quickly realize that there is something new about heather. when i met heather in 6th grade we didn't drive and when in high school although we were friends, she wasn't someone that i hung out with all the time. as adults, she has moved around a bit and well there just hasn't been that many opportunities where i have been in a car with her. heather is a crazy driver! she tailgates and speeds up and slams on the brakes and is in and out of lanes weaving all over the darn highway and to top it all off, she has a mild case of turrets. heather stands all of about 5'4", she is petite, i may be adding height here, but i don't think she will mind. when she is about to change lanes, she grips that steering wheel as if it might jump out of her hands and she has to secure it, raises both of her elbows and then the profanity starts streaming out of her mouth, "move over f@#$wad"!! this is the funniest thing i have ever witnessed in my life and the whole trip down i am giggling in the backseat at the sight of this. sorry heath, your secret is out.
the drive to portland is LOOOOONG! driving there on a friday afternoon/early evening makes it even LOOONGER! but i am in good company, we have crazy music i have never heard before, i have the pilot and co-pilot "discussing" things, and ive got my meat. as we are nearing chehalis i am reminded of a friend i met about this time last year. Joe. oh Joe, he is a beautiful man. seriously a fantastic specimen of the male race. i spent a weekend with him last year, it was memorable, you can fill in the blanks. quick story about getting to joe's. this is the first time i was going to physically meet him, lots of phone calls/emails, but he lives in chehalis not just a cup of coffee here and there type of friend. anyway, he meets me at the library and i follow him to his house. he takes me down this 2 mile dirt road in the middle of BFE. i would be lying if i said i wasn't a little concerned, but i have shared all his info. with a good friend and well i am an easy truster of humans. anyway, he parks, i get out look around and say, "ummm....there is NO house here." "oh yeah, we have to hike in, i don't have a road to my house." "are you kidding me? do you see that i am in work clothes should i change?" "nah, it is an easy walk." i am in a pencil skirt, heels and sweater, thankfully he carries my bag. so off we go walking through the woods, we cross a bridge, there are chickens in the grass, it is a gorgeous day, when we come to a creek with no bridge. i look at him, "so what now?" "well we have to jump it?" wtf, i am in heels and pencil skirt, but umm ok. "well give me a minute while i figure out how to navigate this without missing and falling ass first into the creek." so i do the mini step run and leap with two feet and land safely on the other side. his place is gorgeous, it sits on a high cliff above a gorgeous river, it is peaceful, serene, secluded; no one will hear me if he goes psycho. anyway, joe is a wonderful man, he was a complete gentleman and well i hadn't thought about him in a while. joe wharton..google him girls, he is gorgeous.
we finally make it portland, yahoo! there is keri, yahoo!! it is almost 9pm. we drag all of our crap upstairs into her cute apartment and off to hit the town. keri lives in this area of portland that is so stinking cute. the main block is littered with boutiques, cafes, pubs, two starbucks (one is the biggest i have ever seen), and salons. if you are going to live in a foreign town, this is one to move to. you are bound to meet people quickly with so much to see and so many places to go. we end up at a place called "matador", yep you guessed it a mexican joint. i wanted to know if they passed out capes, big fat no. a little disappointed, i kind of wanted a cape. anyway, this restaurant is pretty cool, nice ambience, big crowd of folks, there is one big downfall, the staff is just rude! first of all we are waiting to be seated and even though we are making eye contact nobody seems to be helping us..seriously? then our server, well she is just not friendly, she doesn't come back to check on us and takes our chips and salsa when she picks up our plates. really? i thought chips and salsa just kind of hung out on the table until you left, but apparently that is not the case in portland.
after our interesting time at matador, which by the way my prawns were so freaking hot i could barely eat them, i seriously thought my head was going to explode or at least i was going to breath fire across the table at keri, we strolled around to some bar/pub. when we walked in it smelled like smoked meat, ummm hello i loved it, the other girls did not, we didn't stay. continued to a place called muu muu's. we didn't actually eat anything here, but apparently this place mashes all your food into a roll of some sort (burger and fries) and you eat the whole concoction together..weird!! at muu muu's this guy and his friend sit with us. the friend, can't recall his name is sitting next to heather and he is a "spitter". heather who does not have a high tolerance for a spit shower is beyond irritated with him and he reads it pretty quickly and well they do not exchange a word the rest of the time we are there. we are texting each other about the spitting and well seriously i just can't stop laughing. this is also where we get to see this old photo of heather in her "singlet". i am not sure i have ever laughed so hard in my life (stomach pains). the singlet will come up between us over and over again throughout the weekend, where heather swears up and down that hope borrowed it and hope insists that she did not EVER borrow it.
bring on saturday, we get a lot accomplished today. breakfast at starbucks, which is just below keri's place. this would be a complete disaster for me if i lived that close to starbucks, then cleaned up and off to go shop. we all got a little something at victoria's secret! sorry not sharing. then lunch. we were wanting to go to pf changs but when we got there it was closed due to a mechanical fire! wow! plan b, off to henry's. super cute place with more beer on tap than i have ever seen and a build your own sausage. i would eat here all the time, good thing it is almost 4 hours away. then off to get pedi's. its a girls weekend of course we got our nails done. keri brought us all a pair of flip flops, well my feet are much larger than keri's and well my feet hung off both ends, but they were dry :) back to keri's to get dressed for our night out on the town. we had to wait 30 minutes for a cab (busy night in portland) so while we were waiting we took pictures. tons of pictures of just how crazy and silly we are. so much fun.
we went to couture, a place keri heard about. we got there and it echoed, nobody was there. our server who you would think would've been delighted that someone had shown up, was not at all thrilled to have us. until...heather says to him, "do you like your job?" well his attitude completely changed and he was a peach. this place was dead then pretty cool and then turned sour really fast. so off to ladies night at the beauty bar. ummm...this place was disgustingly gross and we walked in and walked out. back in the cab, we figured we would go back to muu muu's and night cap. somewhere on the way home things went drastically wrong.
the thing about knowing someone for 20+ years is that we fight like sisters sometimes. we will just say that our very loose tongued cab driver did not help the situation. somehow we ditched our cab, there were some words exchanged and the four us were walking home. now i am not a confrontational person and chose to walk the center line of the street. i have never done this before and well why not, it was late and there were no cars. i suggested "hugging it out" and well that didn't go over so well. we walked quite a ways, probably a good thing since a healthy amount of alcohol had been consumed that day, and made it home safely, but not in better spririts.
sunday morning; patched up the hurt feelings over some coffee, packed up our gear and headed home. it was sad to leave keri, knowing that she was now alone again in her new digs. it was sad to see heather leave knowing she had another 3+ hours drive to make it home safely, and she too is going to a place where her friend base is not. i got home with lofty ideas of cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry and ended up in bed by 630. hope i am sure turned on the mom switch interacted with her family and then was off to play her sunday night soccer game, she is super mom.
all in all we had a great weekend. we laughed so hard we were crying and our stomachs hurt. we got on each others nerves enough to scream and holler and walk home in the middle of the night. we made more memories and continue to be friends and we can't wait for our next adventure together. thank you ladies for a wonderful weekend and being my life long friend.
our adventure is going to start from arlington, yep i know this is the wrong direction from my house, but arlington it is. we decide to take the Honda. it's white and zippy, gets better gas mileage and well heath has offered to drive so ummmm....yeah lets go. i take the backseat. i haven't sat in a backseat in a long time. i always seem to be driving. you sure do get a different perspective from the backseat, more to come. we hit the open road, well highway 9 and heath says, "well, we are off and none of us know where we are going?" ha! all we know is that we are going to portland to see our friend keri. sometimes the small details get missed.
the first "discussion" begins. discussion is in paranthesis because the two front seat passengers, driver heather and co-pilot hope have an interesting way of communicating with each other. they both have strong personalities and freely express their opinions. to the outside viewer you might think that they are arguing, but never fear this is just how they talk to each other, it's all good. so the discussion is about where to eat and get gas. hope definitely doesn't want to get gas in lk. stevens too expensive and heather is not a fan of having to stop once we get on the freeway and so it begins, the playful back and forth banter between friends that act more like sisters. i enjoy my view of the proceedings from the backseat not really caring where we go, my only request is that we don't eat mcdonalds. for some reason mcdonalds always gives me diarrhea and i really don't want to crap my pants en route because we couldn't get to a potty fast enough. im not hard to please, this is a simple request, one that benefits not just me but the other passengers in the car.
after a mile of discussion the pilot and co-pilot decide that lk. stevens is the best option. we pull through taco bell, seriously one of my least favorites but it brings back great memories of high school and then to get gas. the next discussion ensues, did we take the right vehicle. the honda was decided because it gets better gas mileage than the expedition (hope's rig), just for the record i didn't offer to drive my car it is old and dirty and i just didn't have time to clean it all out and spruce her up for visitors. so as we are driving to get gas heather informs us that the honda takes supreme. haha... this is so funny, we take the smaller car because of gas mileage and probably spend just as much because it takes the best. again its the small details that get missed. hope and myself go inside the gas station to get some road munchies. for those of you who know me well, i got the big bag of pepperoni sticks, i love my meat. so as we are checking out the register lady says to me, "have a nice trip with your meat." ha! strange statement but funny and i started to giggle. i am easily amused by others and myself.
ok now we are on the road. let's set the scene, we have our economy car fueled up with the most expensive gas one can buy, our gut bombs that we are going to consume so we don't pass out from hunger, waters, sodas, licorice, and of course my meat! time to play the tunes. heather has put together a road trip playlist for our travels. heather primarily listens to country, hope can't stand country. do you kind of see how this trip is going? ha! it isn't as bad as what you might think. heather's playlist does not include any country, but me who listens to folk music alot (ok you can stop laughing at me now), has never heard most of these songs, but as a music lover i rock out anyway. it is surprising how many ways you can say "watermelon" and still sound like you are singing the words to a song!
so i quickly realize that there is something new about heather. when i met heather in 6th grade we didn't drive and when in high school although we were friends, she wasn't someone that i hung out with all the time. as adults, she has moved around a bit and well there just hasn't been that many opportunities where i have been in a car with her. heather is a crazy driver! she tailgates and speeds up and slams on the brakes and is in and out of lanes weaving all over the darn highway and to top it all off, she has a mild case of turrets. heather stands all of about 5'4", she is petite, i may be adding height here, but i don't think she will mind. when she is about to change lanes, she grips that steering wheel as if it might jump out of her hands and she has to secure it, raises both of her elbows and then the profanity starts streaming out of her mouth, "move over f@#$wad"!! this is the funniest thing i have ever witnessed in my life and the whole trip down i am giggling in the backseat at the sight of this. sorry heath, your secret is out.
the drive to portland is LOOOOONG! driving there on a friday afternoon/early evening makes it even LOOONGER! but i am in good company, we have crazy music i have never heard before, i have the pilot and co-pilot "discussing" things, and ive got my meat. as we are nearing chehalis i am reminded of a friend i met about this time last year. Joe. oh Joe, he is a beautiful man. seriously a fantastic specimen of the male race. i spent a weekend with him last year, it was memorable, you can fill in the blanks. quick story about getting to joe's. this is the first time i was going to physically meet him, lots of phone calls/emails, but he lives in chehalis not just a cup of coffee here and there type of friend. anyway, he meets me at the library and i follow him to his house. he takes me down this 2 mile dirt road in the middle of BFE. i would be lying if i said i wasn't a little concerned, but i have shared all his info. with a good friend and well i am an easy truster of humans. anyway, he parks, i get out look around and say, "ummm....there is NO house here." "oh yeah, we have to hike in, i don't have a road to my house." "are you kidding me? do you see that i am in work clothes should i change?" "nah, it is an easy walk." i am in a pencil skirt, heels and sweater, thankfully he carries my bag. so off we go walking through the woods, we cross a bridge, there are chickens in the grass, it is a gorgeous day, when we come to a creek with no bridge. i look at him, "so what now?" "well we have to jump it?" wtf, i am in heels and pencil skirt, but umm ok. "well give me a minute while i figure out how to navigate this without missing and falling ass first into the creek." so i do the mini step run and leap with two feet and land safely on the other side. his place is gorgeous, it sits on a high cliff above a gorgeous river, it is peaceful, serene, secluded; no one will hear me if he goes psycho. anyway, joe is a wonderful man, he was a complete gentleman and well i hadn't thought about him in a while. joe wharton..google him girls, he is gorgeous.
we finally make it portland, yahoo! there is keri, yahoo!! it is almost 9pm. we drag all of our crap upstairs into her cute apartment and off to hit the town. keri lives in this area of portland that is so stinking cute. the main block is littered with boutiques, cafes, pubs, two starbucks (one is the biggest i have ever seen), and salons. if you are going to live in a foreign town, this is one to move to. you are bound to meet people quickly with so much to see and so many places to go. we end up at a place called "matador", yep you guessed it a mexican joint. i wanted to know if they passed out capes, big fat no. a little disappointed, i kind of wanted a cape. anyway, this restaurant is pretty cool, nice ambience, big crowd of folks, there is one big downfall, the staff is just rude! first of all we are waiting to be seated and even though we are making eye contact nobody seems to be helping us..seriously? then our server, well she is just not friendly, she doesn't come back to check on us and takes our chips and salsa when she picks up our plates. really? i thought chips and salsa just kind of hung out on the table until you left, but apparently that is not the case in portland.
after our interesting time at matador, which by the way my prawns were so freaking hot i could barely eat them, i seriously thought my head was going to explode or at least i was going to breath fire across the table at keri, we strolled around to some bar/pub. when we walked in it smelled like smoked meat, ummm hello i loved it, the other girls did not, we didn't stay. continued to a place called muu muu's. we didn't actually eat anything here, but apparently this place mashes all your food into a roll of some sort (burger and fries) and you eat the whole concoction together..weird!! at muu muu's this guy and his friend sit with us. the friend, can't recall his name is sitting next to heather and he is a "spitter". heather who does not have a high tolerance for a spit shower is beyond irritated with him and he reads it pretty quickly and well they do not exchange a word the rest of the time we are there. we are texting each other about the spitting and well seriously i just can't stop laughing. this is also where we get to see this old photo of heather in her "singlet". i am not sure i have ever laughed so hard in my life (stomach pains). the singlet will come up between us over and over again throughout the weekend, where heather swears up and down that hope borrowed it and hope insists that she did not EVER borrow it.
bring on saturday, we get a lot accomplished today. breakfast at starbucks, which is just below keri's place. this would be a complete disaster for me if i lived that close to starbucks, then cleaned up and off to go shop. we all got a little something at victoria's secret! sorry not sharing. then lunch. we were wanting to go to pf changs but when we got there it was closed due to a mechanical fire! wow! plan b, off to henry's. super cute place with more beer on tap than i have ever seen and a build your own sausage. i would eat here all the time, good thing it is almost 4 hours away. then off to get pedi's. its a girls weekend of course we got our nails done. keri brought us all a pair of flip flops, well my feet are much larger than keri's and well my feet hung off both ends, but they were dry :) back to keri's to get dressed for our night out on the town. we had to wait 30 minutes for a cab (busy night in portland) so while we were waiting we took pictures. tons of pictures of just how crazy and silly we are. so much fun.
we went to couture, a place keri heard about. we got there and it echoed, nobody was there. our server who you would think would've been delighted that someone had shown up, was not at all thrilled to have us. until...heather says to him, "do you like your job?" well his attitude completely changed and he was a peach. this place was dead then pretty cool and then turned sour really fast. so off to ladies night at the beauty bar. ummm...this place was disgustingly gross and we walked in and walked out. back in the cab, we figured we would go back to muu muu's and night cap. somewhere on the way home things went drastically wrong.
the thing about knowing someone for 20+ years is that we fight like sisters sometimes. we will just say that our very loose tongued cab driver did not help the situation. somehow we ditched our cab, there were some words exchanged and the four us were walking home. now i am not a confrontational person and chose to walk the center line of the street. i have never done this before and well why not, it was late and there were no cars. i suggested "hugging it out" and well that didn't go over so well. we walked quite a ways, probably a good thing since a healthy amount of alcohol had been consumed that day, and made it home safely, but not in better spririts.
sunday morning; patched up the hurt feelings over some coffee, packed up our gear and headed home. it was sad to leave keri, knowing that she was now alone again in her new digs. it was sad to see heather leave knowing she had another 3+ hours drive to make it home safely, and she too is going to a place where her friend base is not. i got home with lofty ideas of cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry and ended up in bed by 630. hope i am sure turned on the mom switch interacted with her family and then was off to play her sunday night soccer game, she is super mom.
all in all we had a great weekend. we laughed so hard we were crying and our stomachs hurt. we got on each others nerves enough to scream and holler and walk home in the middle of the night. we made more memories and continue to be friends and we can't wait for our next adventure together. thank you ladies for a wonderful weekend and being my life long friend.
Monday, February 14, 2011
commercialized love...
valentine's day......i would be lying if i said that this fru fru holiday came and went like just any other day. it is not one of my favorites. just as my thoughts on new year's resolutions, if something, in this case someone is important to you, you should let them know that everyday. you certainly shouldn't need a holiday with mass produced cards, jacked up prices on flowers, and a box of crappy chocolate to tell that someone special that you love them. in my opinion, february 14th shouldn't be the day that you show your special someone how much you really care about them.
i have my valentine's day decorations up and my holiday themed towels pulled out for the month. we have purchased valentine's and signed them for the big celebration at school. oh yeah, i too participate in the shenanigans of valentine's day for my children. i think it is important for my kids that i make a big deal out of the holidays, but i think that is a different subject becuse the purpose behind it isn't the same. now i am getting off track of what i really wanted to talk about.
we, the genearl public, are bombarded with ways to show that special someone just how much we care about them by buying meaningless trinkets. a piece of jewelry, yes it is pretty, but i don't want it. a bouquet of flowers, they are stunning and smell good but they die. chocolate, yum what girl doesn't love chocolate? but really a box of Whitman's chocolates isn't my favorite candy, if you are going to buy me candy how about the one i really like (chocolate covered gummi bears)? a piece of lingerie, oooh la la, sexy, beautiful maybe this fulfills a fantasy of your beau, but get it for me on a random monday just because it is monday, not because society is telling you to. taking me out to dinner...i love to go out to dinner, but waiting in a lobby just to be packed into a restaurant with every other couple isn't really my idea of an intimate moment with my partner. do these things really tell your sweetheart that you love them that you will always love them? i don't think so, they are just things.
my beef with this holiday is that you are told over and over again of what you should be "receiving" and when you don't get it there is a feeling of being let down. the let down isn't isolated to just the single community. my ex was not big into holidays of any kind. our first valentine's day married i had bought him something (not valentine's day related, it was something he needed and i knew he wouldn't purchase himself) and he looked at me, "i didn't think we had to celebrate holidays anymore." i don't recall that being in our vows or in any handbook on the etiquette of marriage, but this kind of set a precedent of how our marraige was going to go. i know right now i am contradicting myself because at the time this is what i wanted, i wanted to be acknowledged not just on valentine's day but on every day, i would've taken valentine's day as the only day.
there is also this sort of crazy competition amongst women on what we have received. i got a dozen long stemmed red roses, i got a diamond ring, i got this....oh my word this list could go on forever. then there is the girl who received a note on a napkin with a dandelion picked from the front yard, and she doesn't want to share with her girlfriends what she got. why? because her beau didn't live up to the expectation of the rest of the world. if she is brave enough to share this with her girlfriends without embellishing what she received well then she gets the look of pity. "are you kidding me? that is what he got you?" now her internal dialogue goes something like this, "well shit, i was feeling really special, although it isn't spectacular it is from his heart, and my friends have now made me feel like i didn't get enough." seriously, this just needs to stop. love should not be gauged by how extravagant of a gift we have received! if you feel loved and special than it shouldn't really matter what the gift is, if you get a gift at all.
now i was just sharing my thoughts on this sappy, love oozing holiday with my boss and he had a different view that i suppose i haven't taken into account. his thought is that we should take this holiday as a day to reconnect. that maybe you have slipped in sharing your love, or maybe you aren't a person who easily shares their thoughts, or maybe your relationship has been strained and you want to change that. as much as i want to agree with him, i still ask, "but why wait for a specific day?" if you are truly feeling that way then does your internal dialogue really say, "self, you are slipping away from your partner, you could be doing more and i know just the day to get started...valentine's day."? gosh i hope not.
if you feel like today should be an extension of the love you share every other day than fine by all means you should celebrate, but why do we do it with a preprinted card and a box of chocolate other than the simple fact that it is convenient. write your sweetheart a message from your heart even if it is simply "i love you" on a piece of scrap paper. if you mean it, truly mean it from the depths of your soul, from the very core of who you are then it will mean far more than the mushy garbage on a mass produced card. if you must give flowers, follow the words of Edward Abbey "for me i hold no preferences among flowers, so long as they are wild, free, spontaneous" not a bouquet of flowers that has been germinated and forced to grow in a greenhouse for our enjoyment. now i get that we all aren't super creative and can't write a poem or even design a card, but it shouldn't have to be that complicated. whatever you share today; an embrace, a whispered "i will always love you", a heart drawn on the foggy mirror in the bathroom, even just a look you share with your love of acceptance and understanding, it should be done from your heart.
now that i have gone off on my tirade, i should say this. it isn't any of my business what you give your sweetheart. and really, who am i to judge that what you give isn't from your heart? i don't know your relationship, i haven't walked in your shoes and therefore i shouldn't be judging you. in all fairness i am not actually judging you, i am simply saying how i feel about this day of celebration.
my idea of a perfect valentine's day is really simple. it doesn't involve candy, flowers or anything "heart" related, just a day with my special someone and my kids. we would do something that we all enjoyed and would strengthen our commitment to each other and this great earth that we are priviledged to inhabit. i personally would like to take a walk today and listen to the sounds around me, take in the scent of the outdoors, feel the rain or sun on my face, be free of the pressures of society and just be. my perfect day should end in a mass of jumbled up legs and arms in the family bed. no electronics today just the melodic sound of our voices, our breaths in and out, the warmth of our bodies being shared with each other. a reminder of our strength and love as a family, a united team encouraging growth as individuals and together.
this may seem like a lofty and unattainable dream, but i think it can be achieved. i think that sharing your love with someone can be done without purchasing anything. i think that we, as a society, should not be pressured into "out doing" the next and subscribing to convenient love. it frustrates me to no end that we have been brainwashed into believing that to be a good partner on this day, valentine's day, february 14th you have to buy trinkets to show your love. i know that i am not in the majority in my thinking of this holiday and i am ok with that. i don't expect anyone else to agree with me, this is just me.
i have my valentine's day decorations up and my holiday themed towels pulled out for the month. we have purchased valentine's and signed them for the big celebration at school. oh yeah, i too participate in the shenanigans of valentine's day for my children. i think it is important for my kids that i make a big deal out of the holidays, but i think that is a different subject becuse the purpose behind it isn't the same. now i am getting off track of what i really wanted to talk about.
we, the genearl public, are bombarded with ways to show that special someone just how much we care about them by buying meaningless trinkets. a piece of jewelry, yes it is pretty, but i don't want it. a bouquet of flowers, they are stunning and smell good but they die. chocolate, yum what girl doesn't love chocolate? but really a box of Whitman's chocolates isn't my favorite candy, if you are going to buy me candy how about the one i really like (chocolate covered gummi bears)? a piece of lingerie, oooh la la, sexy, beautiful maybe this fulfills a fantasy of your beau, but get it for me on a random monday just because it is monday, not because society is telling you to. taking me out to dinner...i love to go out to dinner, but waiting in a lobby just to be packed into a restaurant with every other couple isn't really my idea of an intimate moment with my partner. do these things really tell your sweetheart that you love them that you will always love them? i don't think so, they are just things.
my beef with this holiday is that you are told over and over again of what you should be "receiving" and when you don't get it there is a feeling of being let down. the let down isn't isolated to just the single community. my ex was not big into holidays of any kind. our first valentine's day married i had bought him something (not valentine's day related, it was something he needed and i knew he wouldn't purchase himself) and he looked at me, "i didn't think we had to celebrate holidays anymore." i don't recall that being in our vows or in any handbook on the etiquette of marriage, but this kind of set a precedent of how our marraige was going to go. i know right now i am contradicting myself because at the time this is what i wanted, i wanted to be acknowledged not just on valentine's day but on every day, i would've taken valentine's day as the only day.
there is also this sort of crazy competition amongst women on what we have received. i got a dozen long stemmed red roses, i got a diamond ring, i got this....oh my word this list could go on forever. then there is the girl who received a note on a napkin with a dandelion picked from the front yard, and she doesn't want to share with her girlfriends what she got. why? because her beau didn't live up to the expectation of the rest of the world. if she is brave enough to share this with her girlfriends without embellishing what she received well then she gets the look of pity. "are you kidding me? that is what he got you?" now her internal dialogue goes something like this, "well shit, i was feeling really special, although it isn't spectacular it is from his heart, and my friends have now made me feel like i didn't get enough." seriously, this just needs to stop. love should not be gauged by how extravagant of a gift we have received! if you feel loved and special than it shouldn't really matter what the gift is, if you get a gift at all.
now i was just sharing my thoughts on this sappy, love oozing holiday with my boss and he had a different view that i suppose i haven't taken into account. his thought is that we should take this holiday as a day to reconnect. that maybe you have slipped in sharing your love, or maybe you aren't a person who easily shares their thoughts, or maybe your relationship has been strained and you want to change that. as much as i want to agree with him, i still ask, "but why wait for a specific day?" if you are truly feeling that way then does your internal dialogue really say, "self, you are slipping away from your partner, you could be doing more and i know just the day to get started...valentine's day."? gosh i hope not.
if you feel like today should be an extension of the love you share every other day than fine by all means you should celebrate, but why do we do it with a preprinted card and a box of chocolate other than the simple fact that it is convenient. write your sweetheart a message from your heart even if it is simply "i love you" on a piece of scrap paper. if you mean it, truly mean it from the depths of your soul, from the very core of who you are then it will mean far more than the mushy garbage on a mass produced card. if you must give flowers, follow the words of Edward Abbey "for me i hold no preferences among flowers, so long as they are wild, free, spontaneous" not a bouquet of flowers that has been germinated and forced to grow in a greenhouse for our enjoyment. now i get that we all aren't super creative and can't write a poem or even design a card, but it shouldn't have to be that complicated. whatever you share today; an embrace, a whispered "i will always love you", a heart drawn on the foggy mirror in the bathroom, even just a look you share with your love of acceptance and understanding, it should be done from your heart.
now that i have gone off on my tirade, i should say this. it isn't any of my business what you give your sweetheart. and really, who am i to judge that what you give isn't from your heart? i don't know your relationship, i haven't walked in your shoes and therefore i shouldn't be judging you. in all fairness i am not actually judging you, i am simply saying how i feel about this day of celebration.
my idea of a perfect valentine's day is really simple. it doesn't involve candy, flowers or anything "heart" related, just a day with my special someone and my kids. we would do something that we all enjoyed and would strengthen our commitment to each other and this great earth that we are priviledged to inhabit. i personally would like to take a walk today and listen to the sounds around me, take in the scent of the outdoors, feel the rain or sun on my face, be free of the pressures of society and just be. my perfect day should end in a mass of jumbled up legs and arms in the family bed. no electronics today just the melodic sound of our voices, our breaths in and out, the warmth of our bodies being shared with each other. a reminder of our strength and love as a family, a united team encouraging growth as individuals and together.
this may seem like a lofty and unattainable dream, but i think it can be achieved. i think that sharing your love with someone can be done without purchasing anything. i think that we, as a society, should not be pressured into "out doing" the next and subscribing to convenient love. it frustrates me to no end that we have been brainwashed into believing that to be a good partner on this day, valentine's day, february 14th you have to buy trinkets to show your love. i know that i am not in the majority in my thinking of this holiday and i am ok with that. i don't expect anyone else to agree with me, this is just me.
Friday, February 11, 2011
keri blouse to coffee date
week 4. wow has it already been 4 weeks? what is that saying..."time flies when you are having fun." well i guess i am having fun, because it seems like i just started this. so i need to start by saying that this has been a really challenging week for me personally, which you know that translates into emotionally. i have been up and down, left and right, forwards and backwards but through it all i looked fantastic. dressing myself is something i can do and most of the time i do it well.
you know how music will remind you of a time or place, whether it be a good memory or bad, it stirs something inside of you? well i get that same thing with clothes. there were a few things that i wore this week that transported me to a time in my life that was fabulous and i missed.
the blouse that i wore on monday, reminds of my girl keri. the last time i had worn this blouse, keri and i had gone to my favorite pub, Diamond Knot Brewery in Mukilteo. a little blip about this pub, they brew their own beer, it is fantastic! my favorite is the Brown, but some of their seasonal brews are fantastic. it is kind of a dive; brick walls, uneven floor, a little dingy, but they give you bowl after bowl of peanuts and you get to throw the shells on the floor! i love that. they have really good pizza, i like the carnivore all meat no veggies, thin crust! i can eat the whole thing, but would rather share. the clientele is very eclectic anywhere from a boeing exec., an island commuter, your local muk., old to young it is very diverse and laid back. it is just a really cool place. so anyway, keri and i sat at the bar and shot the breeze with the staff and anybody who sat next to us. funny story, one of my fave conversations with keri and i still giggle when i think about it. we were chatting with the then manager, chris, and i am not sure how it came up, but i said OUT LOUD, "we are butt girls." keri started saying, "NO NO NO, you NEVER say that out loud!!" ha! clearly this statement has a meaning other than what i was trying to say. i was simply saying that we have better rears than chests, true statement. well we laughed our rears off and whenever i see keri it comes up.
my whole outfit on thursday made me think of J. it was the exact same outfit i had worn when we first had coffee. it was my first time wearing it since that day. if i had time i might have gone to the same coffee shop and if possible would've sat in the same spot and just had a moment. he was on my mind all day. that was a really good day, from the day i got up until i fell asleep to his words. it was filled with the excitement of something new, butterflies of being a little nervous, and the warm fuzzies of daydreaming about what might be headed my way. he sent me the nicest, sweetest message i think i have ever received afterwards. that was a really good day. (sigh)
see what i mean? clothes give me the same memories that music give to others. love it.
ok, outfits of the week:
Monday: pink wool A-line skirt, silky top w/purple and pink swirls (keri blouse), brown leather boots and belt, floral patterned nude hose (yep one of the new pair)
Wednesday: honeycomb patterned wool green and teal skirt, white zip blouse, carmel/tobacco colored vest and boots, teal tights (another new pair..these were fun i loved them)
Thursday: black and white bow pencil skirt, blakc cami, green cardigan, black tights and pumps (coffee date outfit)
Friday: black CAbi After 5 dress, hot pink t-shirt, black and white space dyed cardigan, black tights and booties.
you know how music will remind you of a time or place, whether it be a good memory or bad, it stirs something inside of you? well i get that same thing with clothes. there were a few things that i wore this week that transported me to a time in my life that was fabulous and i missed.
the blouse that i wore on monday, reminds of my girl keri. the last time i had worn this blouse, keri and i had gone to my favorite pub, Diamond Knot Brewery in Mukilteo. a little blip about this pub, they brew their own beer, it is fantastic! my favorite is the Brown, but some of their seasonal brews are fantastic. it is kind of a dive; brick walls, uneven floor, a little dingy, but they give you bowl after bowl of peanuts and you get to throw the shells on the floor! i love that. they have really good pizza, i like the carnivore all meat no veggies, thin crust! i can eat the whole thing, but would rather share. the clientele is very eclectic anywhere from a boeing exec., an island commuter, your local muk., old to young it is very diverse and laid back. it is just a really cool place. so anyway, keri and i sat at the bar and shot the breeze with the staff and anybody who sat next to us. funny story, one of my fave conversations with keri and i still giggle when i think about it. we were chatting with the then manager, chris, and i am not sure how it came up, but i said OUT LOUD, "we are butt girls." keri started saying, "NO NO NO, you NEVER say that out loud!!" ha! clearly this statement has a meaning other than what i was trying to say. i was simply saying that we have better rears than chests, true statement. well we laughed our rears off and whenever i see keri it comes up.
my whole outfit on thursday made me think of J. it was the exact same outfit i had worn when we first had coffee. it was my first time wearing it since that day. if i had time i might have gone to the same coffee shop and if possible would've sat in the same spot and just had a moment. he was on my mind all day. that was a really good day, from the day i got up until i fell asleep to his words. it was filled with the excitement of something new, butterflies of being a little nervous, and the warm fuzzies of daydreaming about what might be headed my way. he sent me the nicest, sweetest message i think i have ever received afterwards. that was a really good day. (sigh)
see what i mean? clothes give me the same memories that music give to others. love it.
ok, outfits of the week:
Monday: pink wool A-line skirt, silky top w/purple and pink swirls (keri blouse), brown leather boots and belt, floral patterned nude hose (yep one of the new pair)
Wednesday: honeycomb patterned wool green and teal skirt, white zip blouse, carmel/tobacco colored vest and boots, teal tights (another new pair..these were fun i loved them)
Thursday: black and white bow pencil skirt, blakc cami, green cardigan, black tights and pumps (coffee date outfit)
Friday: black CAbi After 5 dress, hot pink t-shirt, black and white space dyed cardigan, black tights and booties.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
mish mash
i have too many things to say and not one cohesive thought. for instance....i am done with my "beauty spot" smack dab in between my eyes. i have to say at least it isn't blocking my peripheral vision anymore. yes i am talking abou the zit on my forehead. i picked my son up this evening for a big bear hug and he looked at my face then leaned to the right and then to the left and said, "mom, your zit is almost gone." or maybe this, i picked up my daughter and she says to me, "mom i never noticed that your butt is so squishy." "ummm...thanks sis." guess i need to keep running. kids they are just so honest, sometimes i don't need to hear what they have to say.
or maybe that i am sooooooooooooo excited to go to portland this weekend. yes, im going to portland. with who? well with some of my oldest friends, 6th grade hillcrest babes! we rock!! three of us, maybe four are headed down to the newest portlander. all of us under one roof, in a sweet town, sure to be a good time. i just love these girls. i wish we could see each other more often, but with one in portland, one in moses lake, one in arlington (ok that is not that far away, but we are both mommies) well we just don't get together enough. but here is the best part when we are together we have a blast, it isn't awkward because time has passed or takes a while to warm up, we just pick back up like we were together the day before. i love that i have friends like this. friends that i am comfortable with and they have been through everything with me; puberty, boyfriends, marriages, divorces, kids, everything. you don't have to worry about putting on your public face, you can fart and burp and puke for hours in the toilet because you drank too much (this was me the last time we got together, not going to happen again). the best.
or that i despise making lunches. from the first week of kindergarten with my daughter 4 years ago, i can't stand it. i dread doing it every morning. i get that it isn't hard and it really doesn't take that much time, but ugh, i just can't stand it. sandwiches, not my favorite, i personally don't really like sandwiches, unless i am at Port of Subs or Quiznos. my son eats a plain peanut butter sandwich every single day. the only way he switches it up is if we happen to have hot dog buns and then he wants a "peanut butter dog". P she is more difficult with lunches, she always wants something different; tuna, turkey, pb&j, pb and honey, cheese and crackers, pita and hummus. seriously it is so obnoxious, make your own stinking lunch! chips, fruit, veggies, drink, oh my gosh...it just drives me crazy!!
or this, my son is reading. i am so proud of him. he is that kid who waits and waits and waits to do something, because he isn't going to show you he can do it until he knows for sure that he can. reading...he hasn't been reading and it has been frustrating to me, but i don't push it. then all of sudden he brings me a book and says, "can i read this to you?" "sure buddy" and there he goes, reads it front to back no mistakes and super proud of himself. i looked at him with astonishment wondering when did this happen? he sat tonight at the table reading his Star Wars book. when he read something that he didn't know before he would giggle and say, "cool", i just love it. he is an awesome kid.
sis and i played a card game. blink. do you know this game? it is quick, a speed game, where you divide the deck and you have to match color, number or shape any of the three. whoever gets through their deck the fastest wins. well i won all rounds. no i do not go easy and let her win, she has beat me fair and square before. so anyway, on our last game i asked her, "do you want to play again?" she said, "i've been smoked, i'm good for tonight." ahhh she is a good player, i don't have her by very many cards.
or the fact that i got to talk to my best guy friend ive ever had for hours. another one of these friends that i know are always there but that i don't talk to often. i am a 100% positive that if i found myself in some sort of trouble i could call him and he would come get me. no questions asked. i may have to hear about it the rest of my life, but that is the price you have to pay sometimes. he is a special friend who will always have a secure place in my life regardless of the fact that he always misses my birthday, never says merry christmas, often is too busy to say hi, but i just love the guy and it doesn't matter.
so yep, a mish mash of thoughts. this how my mind works most of the time. i am surprised i get anything accomplished, but i do.
or maybe that i am sooooooooooooo excited to go to portland this weekend. yes, im going to portland. with who? well with some of my oldest friends, 6th grade hillcrest babes! we rock!! three of us, maybe four are headed down to the newest portlander. all of us under one roof, in a sweet town, sure to be a good time. i just love these girls. i wish we could see each other more often, but with one in portland, one in moses lake, one in arlington (ok that is not that far away, but we are both mommies) well we just don't get together enough. but here is the best part when we are together we have a blast, it isn't awkward because time has passed or takes a while to warm up, we just pick back up like we were together the day before. i love that i have friends like this. friends that i am comfortable with and they have been through everything with me; puberty, boyfriends, marriages, divorces, kids, everything. you don't have to worry about putting on your public face, you can fart and burp and puke for hours in the toilet because you drank too much (this was me the last time we got together, not going to happen again). the best.
or that i despise making lunches. from the first week of kindergarten with my daughter 4 years ago, i can't stand it. i dread doing it every morning. i get that it isn't hard and it really doesn't take that much time, but ugh, i just can't stand it. sandwiches, not my favorite, i personally don't really like sandwiches, unless i am at Port of Subs or Quiznos. my son eats a plain peanut butter sandwich every single day. the only way he switches it up is if we happen to have hot dog buns and then he wants a "peanut butter dog". P she is more difficult with lunches, she always wants something different; tuna, turkey, pb&j, pb and honey, cheese and crackers, pita and hummus. seriously it is so obnoxious, make your own stinking lunch! chips, fruit, veggies, drink, oh my gosh...it just drives me crazy!!
or this, my son is reading. i am so proud of him. he is that kid who waits and waits and waits to do something, because he isn't going to show you he can do it until he knows for sure that he can. reading...he hasn't been reading and it has been frustrating to me, but i don't push it. then all of sudden he brings me a book and says, "can i read this to you?" "sure buddy" and there he goes, reads it front to back no mistakes and super proud of himself. i looked at him with astonishment wondering when did this happen? he sat tonight at the table reading his Star Wars book. when he read something that he didn't know before he would giggle and say, "cool", i just love it. he is an awesome kid.
sis and i played a card game. blink. do you know this game? it is quick, a speed game, where you divide the deck and you have to match color, number or shape any of the three. whoever gets through their deck the fastest wins. well i won all rounds. no i do not go easy and let her win, she has beat me fair and square before. so anyway, on our last game i asked her, "do you want to play again?" she said, "i've been smoked, i'm good for tonight." ahhh she is a good player, i don't have her by very many cards.
or the fact that i got to talk to my best guy friend ive ever had for hours. another one of these friends that i know are always there but that i don't talk to often. i am a 100% positive that if i found myself in some sort of trouble i could call him and he would come get me. no questions asked. i may have to hear about it the rest of my life, but that is the price you have to pay sometimes. he is a special friend who will always have a secure place in my life regardless of the fact that he always misses my birthday, never says merry christmas, often is too busy to say hi, but i just love the guy and it doesn't matter.
so yep, a mish mash of thoughts. this how my mind works most of the time. i am surprised i get anything accomplished, but i do.
by george
48 George Washingtons silently walk into the gymnasium. they have been practicing all week, not one of them cracks a smile or even turns towards the audience. they know exactly where they are supposed to be, quietly placing their chairs, the same ones they sit in at their desks in the classroom, on the floor and take their seats. still no major sounds, just the georges adjusting in their chairs and the audience shifting around trying to see their george. a few clicks from a camera and now some of the georges start to get up.
the audience is anxious. i see several moms and dads look to their neighbors and smile. i am sitting with my ex and our son is between us and we share a smile. i am thankful that he was able to make it, i know that our daughter will be thrilled that he came. our son is so excited to have both his parents on either side of him. it is a comforting feeling to know that we are both there sharing this moment of our daughter's life. it is important for our children to see that we both love them tremendously and can put our differences aside even if it is for just a few moments to support them.
a group of 6 maybe 7 georges form a line in front of all the sitting georges and wait. the audience quiets and its showtime. "Welcome to a celebration of this nation's first President, George Washington." my george is part of this opening act. she is standing perfectly still, very stoic and george-like. she is holding her notecard and waiting for her turn to speak. the microphone is passed to her and she is instantly red. oh she is just like her mother. although she is a complete goofball and will make a spectacle of herself anywhere, put the spotlight directly on her, and she freezes. she reads her card flawlessly and passes the microphone to the next george. the opening act is done and the georges take their seats.
48 four foot somethings take center stage, each reciting their factoid about George Washington. each george has on their paper bag wig with the white poly fiberfill glued to the bag to look like hair, complete with a pony tail. some of them are in the basic black pants and white shirt, this was the uniform we were asked to put them. one george is in his athletic shorts that he wears year round, another george has added epaulets to his jacket, and another george has on a red bolero jacket over her white blouse. they are the cutest things ever.
for some you can tell this was their first real experience public speaking. i always feel like i am going to vomit when i have to do it, not my forte, but they all do a fabulous job. some hold their notecards just in case they forget a line, and some are just so comfortable having all those eyes on them. my george's factoid comes at towards the end. my george was out riding his horse at the ripe old age of 67 got strep throat because he was out too long and died. i remember gasping when she read me her part the first time. i was thinking, "what you die?" and then "i didn't know that was how George died, interesting."
it was a great night. one of those ones you look forward to as a parent. being able to see the growth in this group of students is an incredible thing to witness. i feel very honored and priviledged to be a part, whether it is the little girl who is a regular at our house or just a familiar smile once a week from an adult who cares, of these kids lives. making my own kiddos day by sitting with their father is something that i hope will continue. being at ease with my own emotions sitting next to my ex was a triumphant moment for me.
the audience is anxious. i see several moms and dads look to their neighbors and smile. i am sitting with my ex and our son is between us and we share a smile. i am thankful that he was able to make it, i know that our daughter will be thrilled that he came. our son is so excited to have both his parents on either side of him. it is a comforting feeling to know that we are both there sharing this moment of our daughter's life. it is important for our children to see that we both love them tremendously and can put our differences aside even if it is for just a few moments to support them.
a group of 6 maybe 7 georges form a line in front of all the sitting georges and wait. the audience quiets and its showtime. "Welcome to a celebration of this nation's first President, George Washington." my george is part of this opening act. she is standing perfectly still, very stoic and george-like. she is holding her notecard and waiting for her turn to speak. the microphone is passed to her and she is instantly red. oh she is just like her mother. although she is a complete goofball and will make a spectacle of herself anywhere, put the spotlight directly on her, and she freezes. she reads her card flawlessly and passes the microphone to the next george. the opening act is done and the georges take their seats.
48 four foot somethings take center stage, each reciting their factoid about George Washington. each george has on their paper bag wig with the white poly fiberfill glued to the bag to look like hair, complete with a pony tail. some of them are in the basic black pants and white shirt, this was the uniform we were asked to put them. one george is in his athletic shorts that he wears year round, another george has added epaulets to his jacket, and another george has on a red bolero jacket over her white blouse. they are the cutest things ever.
for some you can tell this was their first real experience public speaking. i always feel like i am going to vomit when i have to do it, not my forte, but they all do a fabulous job. some hold their notecards just in case they forget a line, and some are just so comfortable having all those eyes on them. my george's factoid comes at towards the end. my george was out riding his horse at the ripe old age of 67 got strep throat because he was out too long and died. i remember gasping when she read me her part the first time. i was thinking, "what you die?" and then "i didn't know that was how George died, interesting."
it was a great night. one of those ones you look forward to as a parent. being able to see the growth in this group of students is an incredible thing to witness. i feel very honored and priviledged to be a part, whether it is the little girl who is a regular at our house or just a familiar smile once a week from an adult who cares, of these kids lives. making my own kiddos day by sitting with their father is something that i hope will continue. being at ease with my own emotions sitting next to my ex was a triumphant moment for me.
Monday, February 7, 2011
once a week i volunteer in my kid's classes at school. one because i have to, they attend a school that requires parent participation and we have an assigned work day in the classroom. two because i absolutely love being in school with my kids, if it wasn't required i would still be there. i love their school. here is my quick shout out to MCEP.
Marysville Cooperative Education Program: is a public school within the Marysville school district that is housed at Quil Ceda Elementary. we follow the same curriculum as any other marysville grade school, but there is a huge focus on parent involvement. there are a few requirements: you have to put in two and half hours of volunteer time per kid per week, attend a mandatory monthly parent meeting and attend two field trips per kid during the school year. so there are the basics. here is my thought on a school like this, from your child's first day of school you are showing and telling them that their education is important. you are wanting to see your child succeed and are willing to sacrifice to help them be successful. i personally believe that this is a HUGE message to the children of this program.
unfortunately our school has a poor reputation as being a school for the priviledged or rich kids. this is completely false. i am a single mother who works (outside of the home), i give up a day of work (and pay) to be a part of this program. a good portion of the parents of this school work outside of the home, some are two parent homes, single parent homes, blended families what have you. we are just a group of parents who want to be involved in our kids education. i could go on and on about our school, but funny things happen at school and i just have to share!
so tuesdays are my work day. i spend the first half of the day in my son's classroom, he is in 1st grade and the second half of the day in my daughter's 3rd grade classroom. i am the parent who sits on the floor during general instruction time or a lesson, i raise my hand to answer the questions (sometimes i even get called on), i sit at an empty work station (there always seems to be a kid missing) and do the work that is assigned. i am a 34 year old woman repeating elementary school! i am a complete disruption to the poor teachers that get my kids in their class, but i am disruption most places i go.
in 1st grade the writing assignment is a multiple day project, but today was list 5 facts about me. so true to form, i am participating, well that is what i call it. "Mrs. Wolff read mine." i scan her card (they are writing their facts on notecards), 1st grade penmanship/grammar is atrocious. the words are misspelled (a huge pet peeve of mine), the sentences jump around, oh my word it is just torture to read their work, but this cherubs work is pretty good. so i scan her card and read it out loud to her, changing her facts to something totally off the wall and ridiculous. i can see her over the card and her mouth has dropped open, her precious eyes are popping out of her head behind her glasses (which now they look enormous but still precious), and she has thrown her hands up in the air in disbelief. she whips her curly head around to get some assistance from her teacher who is across the room, but the teacher is giggling (the teacher and i are really good friends), this is just another day with flo in the classroom. i hand her card back and give her a huge hug, "those are great facts. thank you for sharing them with me." hee hee another bites the dust. ok ok this may be cruel, but we are halfway through the year and by now i have spent enough time with these kids that i know which ones i can mess with and they are used to my antics.
so i am standing next to this other kiddo who is working very hard on his paper. now this kid is very quiet, not sure if i have ever had a conversation with him, but he is always on task, turns in his work and doesn't create any chaos in the classroom. he looks up at me and says, " i really like your hair today." "wow, thanks." "it looks different than usual" "yep, it is curly, i have naturally curly hair. i iron it everyday." you could tell that he was pondering what i was saying, tyring to make sense of this crayz idea of "ironing your hair" and he says, "well i like it this way." oh my goodness i wanted to take him home. nothing like a 7 year old to make your day.
i just love being in class with the little critters. sometimes they drive me absolutely insane and i can't wait to get out of there and other days i don't want to leave. i couldn't imagine being a teacher, having to manage a classroom everyday and attempt to teach them something, praying that it is sinking in. i commend the teachers for the time, patience and joy they bring to each of the kid's lives. i do think it is an absolute priviledge to be in school with my kids and thank you to the teachers that put up with my antics at school. you know i was a really good student and never made trouble, not sure why i do now? hmmmm.....
Marysville Cooperative Education Program: is a public school within the Marysville school district that is housed at Quil Ceda Elementary. we follow the same curriculum as any other marysville grade school, but there is a huge focus on parent involvement. there are a few requirements: you have to put in two and half hours of volunteer time per kid per week, attend a mandatory monthly parent meeting and attend two field trips per kid during the school year. so there are the basics. here is my thought on a school like this, from your child's first day of school you are showing and telling them that their education is important. you are wanting to see your child succeed and are willing to sacrifice to help them be successful. i personally believe that this is a HUGE message to the children of this program.
unfortunately our school has a poor reputation as being a school for the priviledged or rich kids. this is completely false. i am a single mother who works (outside of the home), i give up a day of work (and pay) to be a part of this program. a good portion of the parents of this school work outside of the home, some are two parent homes, single parent homes, blended families what have you. we are just a group of parents who want to be involved in our kids education. i could go on and on about our school, but funny things happen at school and i just have to share!
so tuesdays are my work day. i spend the first half of the day in my son's classroom, he is in 1st grade and the second half of the day in my daughter's 3rd grade classroom. i am the parent who sits on the floor during general instruction time or a lesson, i raise my hand to answer the questions (sometimes i even get called on), i sit at an empty work station (there always seems to be a kid missing) and do the work that is assigned. i am a 34 year old woman repeating elementary school! i am a complete disruption to the poor teachers that get my kids in their class, but i am disruption most places i go.
in 1st grade the writing assignment is a multiple day project, but today was list 5 facts about me. so true to form, i am participating, well that is what i call it. "Mrs. Wolff read mine." i scan her card (they are writing their facts on notecards), 1st grade penmanship/grammar is atrocious. the words are misspelled (a huge pet peeve of mine), the sentences jump around, oh my word it is just torture to read their work, but this cherubs work is pretty good. so i scan her card and read it out loud to her, changing her facts to something totally off the wall and ridiculous. i can see her over the card and her mouth has dropped open, her precious eyes are popping out of her head behind her glasses (which now they look enormous but still precious), and she has thrown her hands up in the air in disbelief. she whips her curly head around to get some assistance from her teacher who is across the room, but the teacher is giggling (the teacher and i are really good friends), this is just another day with flo in the classroom. i hand her card back and give her a huge hug, "those are great facts. thank you for sharing them with me." hee hee another bites the dust. ok ok this may be cruel, but we are halfway through the year and by now i have spent enough time with these kids that i know which ones i can mess with and they are used to my antics.
so i am standing next to this other kiddo who is working very hard on his paper. now this kid is very quiet, not sure if i have ever had a conversation with him, but he is always on task, turns in his work and doesn't create any chaos in the classroom. he looks up at me and says, " i really like your hair today." "wow, thanks." "it looks different than usual" "yep, it is curly, i have naturally curly hair. i iron it everyday." you could tell that he was pondering what i was saying, tyring to make sense of this crayz idea of "ironing your hair" and he says, "well i like it this way." oh my goodness i wanted to take him home. nothing like a 7 year old to make your day.
i just love being in class with the little critters. sometimes they drive me absolutely insane and i can't wait to get out of there and other days i don't want to leave. i couldn't imagine being a teacher, having to manage a classroom everyday and attempt to teach them something, praying that it is sinking in. i commend the teachers for the time, patience and joy they bring to each of the kid's lives. i do think it is an absolute priviledge to be in school with my kids and thank you to the teachers that put up with my antics at school. you know i was a really good student and never made trouble, not sure why i do now? hmmmm.....
relationships
relationships. relationships are hard on all levels. whether it be an intimate relationship with a partner, the relationship with your children, the relationship with your boss, a relationship with God, a relationship with your best friend, relationships with your parents/siblings or a relationship with a one time close friend that has turned sour. i find that it is hard to meet the needs and expectations of all these different types of relationships and still make sure that you are getting what you need and not compromising yourself too much for the health of the relationship.
these days i seem to be struggling with many of the relationships in my life. i don't think there will ever be a time when it is "easy sailing" and everything will work just as i think it should. relationships take work everyday to build trust and understanding. when we stop working at our relationships and assume that the other person knows exactly where they fit in your life i think is where the breakdown comes.
if you have been following this then you are well aware of J. this is a relationship that i would like to pick back up again. i have done my best to be supportive of his situation, i have faltered along the way by being doubtful, untrusting, and insecure. unfortunately with past relationships i come with a bag that has many negative words embossed on all sides. for all the times that i have failed, i have regrouped, reread the words he has shared and grabbed my other bag that is not embossed with negative. if that "negative nora" in my head would stop secretly switching the bags and just keep her trap shut, i would be golden. so i know that this sounds completely crazy, but i just can't shake him. i have tried, but he has touched my life in a way that is not easy to forget. i no longer sit in my bed sobbing, praying that he will come back, or praying that he will call/text, or look at pictures. instead i am at a point of acceptance. i accept that he may never come back (although i would welcome him if he ever did) and i take the little interaction that we have and am grateful for just that.
trying to mend a relationship that has gone sour is tricky. at one time i considered this person one of my very best friends. i couldn't imagine a day going by without an interaction of some sort. when it ended, it was abrupt. i felt it was unwarranted and i was given no warning. i think to mend this relationship the expectations of both parties needs to be clear. what are the rules of engagement? im not sure if you can ever go back to that level when one party (and both may feel this way, but i can only speak for me) feels that they were treated unfairly. although i am open to renewing the relationship i can't ever see it being what it used to be.
my relationships with my parents is always tricky. in this chapter in my life, i have found a voice. i am for the first time disagreeing with their opinions and making what i need a priority. i understand that this is different for them and not a "behavior" i am used to showing them, but it is about time. i am not a girl who likes confrontation, especially with my family. i have this sense of responsibility to them to not make waves. it is just the four of us here in washington (my mom, dad and sis) but i have spent most of my adult life making sure that everyone is happy and i am needing to make sure that i am happy too. i hope that when my children become adults i can remember that they are grown ups, they are going to make mistakes and although i have an opinion it may not be welcomed.
i was asked the other day, "why haven't i seen you at church lately?" i haven't been to church since October. this is a tough question to answer because the answer isn't acceptable. i could give you all sorts of excuses; i was out late the night before, my kids were being lazy, i was out of town, the list could truly go on and on, but the truthful answer is, i don't want to go. i grew up attending church on sundays and i have introduced my children to the community of church, but i have never felt that you have to attend a place of worship to have a relationship with God.
my ex, this is a very strange relationship one that i don't know how to navigate at all. there is still so much emotion, it's been 18+ months since we separated, but it is still emotional. i would like to get to a point where we can be friendly without resentment or anger. i know that i can get to that point, but i know that i am not there yet. everyday i seem to get closer but i am still a ways away from the finish line.
my poor friends, the ones that i share my life with, the ones who listen to me snivel and pout and say "why me?" when i already know the answers. the ones that i laugh and cry and hate and love with. although i know they love me unconditionally and are always there with open arms, a snot rag or two, a beer if i need one, a gentle but firm grip of the shoulders and shake me until im silly, i should nurture those relationships more. they are turly my saving grace, i would be completely lost without them, and yet i feel like i don't show them enough how much i appreciate, love and cherish their time, support and love. i cannot show them this with things, i have to do.
i actually started this last week and reading through it i sound like i am whining. oh poor me...this was really not my intention. gosh do i always sound so poor me? geez i hope not. i am not a victim of circumstance and i don't want anyone to fix things for me. i will stand on my own two feet and work through whatever comes my way. sometimes it seems like the pile of things to deal with is enormous and i guess that is where i am at right now. i am grateful that i even have relationships to work on, to love and nurture and sometimes to let go.
these days i seem to be struggling with many of the relationships in my life. i don't think there will ever be a time when it is "easy sailing" and everything will work just as i think it should. relationships take work everyday to build trust and understanding. when we stop working at our relationships and assume that the other person knows exactly where they fit in your life i think is where the breakdown comes.
if you have been following this then you are well aware of J. this is a relationship that i would like to pick back up again. i have done my best to be supportive of his situation, i have faltered along the way by being doubtful, untrusting, and insecure. unfortunately with past relationships i come with a bag that has many negative words embossed on all sides. for all the times that i have failed, i have regrouped, reread the words he has shared and grabbed my other bag that is not embossed with negative. if that "negative nora" in my head would stop secretly switching the bags and just keep her trap shut, i would be golden. so i know that this sounds completely crazy, but i just can't shake him. i have tried, but he has touched my life in a way that is not easy to forget. i no longer sit in my bed sobbing, praying that he will come back, or praying that he will call/text, or look at pictures. instead i am at a point of acceptance. i accept that he may never come back (although i would welcome him if he ever did) and i take the little interaction that we have and am grateful for just that.
trying to mend a relationship that has gone sour is tricky. at one time i considered this person one of my very best friends. i couldn't imagine a day going by without an interaction of some sort. when it ended, it was abrupt. i felt it was unwarranted and i was given no warning. i think to mend this relationship the expectations of both parties needs to be clear. what are the rules of engagement? im not sure if you can ever go back to that level when one party (and both may feel this way, but i can only speak for me) feels that they were treated unfairly. although i am open to renewing the relationship i can't ever see it being what it used to be.
my relationships with my parents is always tricky. in this chapter in my life, i have found a voice. i am for the first time disagreeing with their opinions and making what i need a priority. i understand that this is different for them and not a "behavior" i am used to showing them, but it is about time. i am not a girl who likes confrontation, especially with my family. i have this sense of responsibility to them to not make waves. it is just the four of us here in washington (my mom, dad and sis) but i have spent most of my adult life making sure that everyone is happy and i am needing to make sure that i am happy too. i hope that when my children become adults i can remember that they are grown ups, they are going to make mistakes and although i have an opinion it may not be welcomed.
i was asked the other day, "why haven't i seen you at church lately?" i haven't been to church since October. this is a tough question to answer because the answer isn't acceptable. i could give you all sorts of excuses; i was out late the night before, my kids were being lazy, i was out of town, the list could truly go on and on, but the truthful answer is, i don't want to go. i grew up attending church on sundays and i have introduced my children to the community of church, but i have never felt that you have to attend a place of worship to have a relationship with God.
my ex, this is a very strange relationship one that i don't know how to navigate at all. there is still so much emotion, it's been 18+ months since we separated, but it is still emotional. i would like to get to a point where we can be friendly without resentment or anger. i know that i can get to that point, but i know that i am not there yet. everyday i seem to get closer but i am still a ways away from the finish line.
my poor friends, the ones that i share my life with, the ones who listen to me snivel and pout and say "why me?" when i already know the answers. the ones that i laugh and cry and hate and love with. although i know they love me unconditionally and are always there with open arms, a snot rag or two, a beer if i need one, a gentle but firm grip of the shoulders and shake me until im silly, i should nurture those relationships more. they are turly my saving grace, i would be completely lost without them, and yet i feel like i don't show them enough how much i appreciate, love and cherish their time, support and love. i cannot show them this with things, i have to do.
i actually started this last week and reading through it i sound like i am whining. oh poor me...this was really not my intention. gosh do i always sound so poor me? geez i hope not. i am not a victim of circumstance and i don't want anyone to fix things for me. i will stand on my own two feet and work through whatever comes my way. sometimes it seems like the pile of things to deal with is enormous and i guess that is where i am at right now. i am grateful that i even have relationships to work on, to love and nurture and sometimes to let go.
Friday, February 4, 2011
my baggage is embossed...
being a 34 divorced single mother i come with baggage. i would like to think that anyone in their 30's (divorced, never been married, married, kids no kids) comes with baggage, i don't want to be alone here. sometimes you get LOTS of baggage, you've paid an extra $50.00 to check 2 bags and you are bringing a carry on, other times you get a little baggage, maybe just the toiletries bag. i don't know too many people who fall in the toiletries bag category, but for those of you who do...bravo!
i have one bag. i might be able to carry it on, if i bat my eyelashes at the guy ticket checker, but more than likely i would have to check my bag. my bag at the moment is full, but check back next year i'm positive it will be just a carry on. i haven't had to unzip the expando part so i'm not doing too bad. my bag is leather (i like a nice carmel colored leather) and it is embossed. it is embossed with a couple token negative words....doubt and untrusting. they are small and infrequent but they are deep. the rest of the space on my bag is embossed with positive words....hopeful, love, happiness, deserving, strong, joy, safe and secure. the inside of my bag is lined with another set of words....lifetime, forever, husband, children, peace, and future. these words are hard to see, but i am making my way to them.
i have been told, "i think you are afraid to be alone." i don't really understand that. i am not afraid to be alone. first of all i could never be alone i have two ratchets under my feet all the time. in case you don't know ratchets, this is a word i use to describe my kids, used in the most loving way known to mankind. when i do have a moment of solitude it is blissful and welcomed. i am comfortable with me, i know my strengths and my weaknesses. i am aware of what i can give and how much i can put up with. i simply don't want to be alone. i do not see my future as just being me. i want to share my life with another human being. so why does that get interpreted into "i think you are afraid to be alone"? gosh i wish i knew.
i like the inside of my bag. there is a description of marriage by Rainer Maria Rilke that i love. the point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. a merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. but once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility to always see each other as a whole and before an immense sky. i just think this is so awesome.
my failed marriage has brought on the bulk of the weight in my bag and those two lovely words: doubt and untrusting. i put a ton of faith into a person who wasn't able to deliver. he is not a bad person, on the contrary he is a really good person, with good intentions and a good heart, but what i needed from him he wasn't able to do. i made his repeated failures ok for many years, which brings me to those two token words.
somehow this is bringing me to J. yes i know why, it is because this is a relationship (well it was a relationship, not sure what anyone would call it right now) that i am struggling with. i am doubting that he will be back although he has given me NO indication that he won't, except for the simple fact that he isn't. i don't always doubt, most of the time i am sure he will be, but it clearly isn't the time for us to pursue a relationship. sometimes the timing just isn't right, life happens and although you want badly for things to be different it doesn't change the reality that is.
oh crap there is that want thing, laura would be disappointed in me. i am really trying to let go of the want. wanting things that are beyond my control. instead create the life, the happiness and joy that i want instead of trying to get it from someone or something else. want...it is hard to not want.
i wonder what other people's bags look like and what they are filled with. i know i am not the only who has a bag. sometimes i wish that security would come along and just throw all of it away "sorry ma'am but you can't bring full sized bottles of crap.", but i know that isn't the solution. as hard as it is to sort through the contents it is proving to be worth it.
i have one bag. i might be able to carry it on, if i bat my eyelashes at the guy ticket checker, but more than likely i would have to check my bag. my bag at the moment is full, but check back next year i'm positive it will be just a carry on. i haven't had to unzip the expando part so i'm not doing too bad. my bag is leather (i like a nice carmel colored leather) and it is embossed. it is embossed with a couple token negative words....doubt and untrusting. they are small and infrequent but they are deep. the rest of the space on my bag is embossed with positive words....hopeful, love, happiness, deserving, strong, joy, safe and secure. the inside of my bag is lined with another set of words....lifetime, forever, husband, children, peace, and future. these words are hard to see, but i am making my way to them.
i have been told, "i think you are afraid to be alone." i don't really understand that. i am not afraid to be alone. first of all i could never be alone i have two ratchets under my feet all the time. in case you don't know ratchets, this is a word i use to describe my kids, used in the most loving way known to mankind. when i do have a moment of solitude it is blissful and welcomed. i am comfortable with me, i know my strengths and my weaknesses. i am aware of what i can give and how much i can put up with. i simply don't want to be alone. i do not see my future as just being me. i want to share my life with another human being. so why does that get interpreted into "i think you are afraid to be alone"? gosh i wish i knew.
i like the inside of my bag. there is a description of marriage by Rainer Maria Rilke that i love. the point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. a merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. but once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility to always see each other as a whole and before an immense sky. i just think this is so awesome.
my failed marriage has brought on the bulk of the weight in my bag and those two lovely words: doubt and untrusting. i put a ton of faith into a person who wasn't able to deliver. he is not a bad person, on the contrary he is a really good person, with good intentions and a good heart, but what i needed from him he wasn't able to do. i made his repeated failures ok for many years, which brings me to those two token words.
somehow this is bringing me to J. yes i know why, it is because this is a relationship (well it was a relationship, not sure what anyone would call it right now) that i am struggling with. i am doubting that he will be back although he has given me NO indication that he won't, except for the simple fact that he isn't. i don't always doubt, most of the time i am sure he will be, but it clearly isn't the time for us to pursue a relationship. sometimes the timing just isn't right, life happens and although you want badly for things to be different it doesn't change the reality that is.
oh crap there is that want thing, laura would be disappointed in me. i am really trying to let go of the want. wanting things that are beyond my control. instead create the life, the happiness and joy that i want instead of trying to get it from someone or something else. want...it is hard to not want.
i wonder what other people's bags look like and what they are filled with. i know i am not the only who has a bag. sometimes i wish that security would come along and just throw all of it away "sorry ma'am but you can't bring full sized bottles of crap.", but i know that isn't the solution. as hard as it is to sort through the contents it is proving to be worth it.
muffin top
i am in my 3rd week of my clothing challenge. i have to admit that i really do love a challenge and this is a good one. i have yet to wear even the same article of clothing (shoes definitely don't count i just don't have that many shoes, but i do have a lot). i had to buy something. now before you throw the big "YOU LOSE" card at me, hear me out. i have to wear hosiery for work, it is part of the dress code. so the other day i put a hole through my last pair of plain black tights. i do have one other pair, but they are a huge pain in the rear. the waistband on them is lace. i'm not sure whose great idea this was, but a lace waistband is just plain stupid! although it looks pretty, it does not stay up, the most obnoxious thing in the world. i hold on to them as a back up, in a pinch, when i am running late and my favorite pair is in the wash or what have you.
so with my persmission from the challenge givers, i bought new tights last night. in my excitement to make a purchase i bought 6 pairs! i really wanted to get the Vera Wang tights from Kohls because they are by far the best ones i have ever had. i will share my tight story in a minute. i just didn't want to spend the money, i am kinda cheap when it comes to certain things. so i got 2 pairs of black (a plain and a patterned), 1 gray, 1 teal pair (not practical at all, but i was caught up in the moment), a nude pair with a floral pattern (these seemed interesting and i thought i could rock these) and then a pair of purple thigh highs. excessive? i think not.
i got dressed with a little extra kick to my step. i was excited to put something together with my new purchases. i picked the thigh highs. now i haven't worn thigh highs, outside of the bedroom, since i got married. i love them, they are really beautiful. the top of the leg is lace with a rubber backing. i put my stockings on and go look in the mirror. oh my word it is horrific! i have a muffin top and not just one but two on my thighs! this is terrible. i am adjusting in the mirror and well there is just no getting around the muffin top. now i am not a heavy girl, but i carry my weight where millions of other women do, through my butt and thighs. i weighed myself this morning and i topped out at 129lbs and i am 5'8" in the morning ( i love to say that, i stand just a little taller in the morning and well by the evening i am probably more around 5'7 1/2"). so as you can see i am not a big girl, but i do have some extra "winter weight" through my legs. ugh! guess i need to keep running.
so i promised a story about my vera wang tights, here you go. falling is funny. i laugh at other people who fall (especially my kids after i make sure they are ok) and of course i laugh at myself. i know it is kind of mean, but it is just funny to me. so last spring i was walking into work. now to get into the office i have to walk down an alley. the actual alley is sloped and paved. i was wearing a skirt, my black vera wang tights, and my flat black riding boots. i almost made it to the door and all of a sudden my left foot starts skating down the alley. i said out loud, "oh crap, i'm going down." and down i went. in an attempt to not fall on my ass, i put my right now down. correction is tried to pile drive the cement with my knee. ummm....not such a good plan it hurt bad. i get up and hobble into the office doing the laugh/cry. so damage report: i totally ruined the front of my boot, took a whole layer off the toe, my knee was bleeding (in fact i have a scar from this incident), but the tights not a snag, hole or any evidence at all that they had just been through a war with the pavement and won. definitely worth the money, they rock!!
outfits for the week:
Monday: leopard print shirt dress, black cardigan sweater with peplum, black tights and black pumps.
Wednesday: gray turtleneck, unionbay jean skirt, gray tights, red boots and red scarf
Thursday: the maggie skirt (from CAbi), turquoise long sleeve tshirt with button detail at cuff and neck, my favorite boots of all time Biviel knee high carmel colored boots, and a wide braided leather belt.
Friday: brown corduroy skirt, purple long sleeve cowl neck tshirt, purple thigh highs (muffin top and all), brown booties and a red scarf. scarf was an addition at the last minute in honor of National Wear Red Day.
to all my CAbi ladies, i love that you are doing this with me. i know you are clothes hounds like me and it is good to go through the piles and see what you have, what you can get rid of, and what you love. i am finding that there are things that i am in need of (shocking i know) and things that i just can't stand.
cheers
H
so with my persmission from the challenge givers, i bought new tights last night. in my excitement to make a purchase i bought 6 pairs! i really wanted to get the Vera Wang tights from Kohls because they are by far the best ones i have ever had. i will share my tight story in a minute. i just didn't want to spend the money, i am kinda cheap when it comes to certain things. so i got 2 pairs of black (a plain and a patterned), 1 gray, 1 teal pair (not practical at all, but i was caught up in the moment), a nude pair with a floral pattern (these seemed interesting and i thought i could rock these) and then a pair of purple thigh highs. excessive? i think not.
i got dressed with a little extra kick to my step. i was excited to put something together with my new purchases. i picked the thigh highs. now i haven't worn thigh highs, outside of the bedroom, since i got married. i love them, they are really beautiful. the top of the leg is lace with a rubber backing. i put my stockings on and go look in the mirror. oh my word it is horrific! i have a muffin top and not just one but two on my thighs! this is terrible. i am adjusting in the mirror and well there is just no getting around the muffin top. now i am not a heavy girl, but i carry my weight where millions of other women do, through my butt and thighs. i weighed myself this morning and i topped out at 129lbs and i am 5'8" in the morning ( i love to say that, i stand just a little taller in the morning and well by the evening i am probably more around 5'7 1/2"). so as you can see i am not a big girl, but i do have some extra "winter weight" through my legs. ugh! guess i need to keep running.
so i promised a story about my vera wang tights, here you go. falling is funny. i laugh at other people who fall (especially my kids after i make sure they are ok) and of course i laugh at myself. i know it is kind of mean, but it is just funny to me. so last spring i was walking into work. now to get into the office i have to walk down an alley. the actual alley is sloped and paved. i was wearing a skirt, my black vera wang tights, and my flat black riding boots. i almost made it to the door and all of a sudden my left foot starts skating down the alley. i said out loud, "oh crap, i'm going down." and down i went. in an attempt to not fall on my ass, i put my right now down. correction is tried to pile drive the cement with my knee. ummm....not such a good plan it hurt bad. i get up and hobble into the office doing the laugh/cry. so damage report: i totally ruined the front of my boot, took a whole layer off the toe, my knee was bleeding (in fact i have a scar from this incident), but the tights not a snag, hole or any evidence at all that they had just been through a war with the pavement and won. definitely worth the money, they rock!!
outfits for the week:
Monday: leopard print shirt dress, black cardigan sweater with peplum, black tights and black pumps.
Wednesday: gray turtleneck, unionbay jean skirt, gray tights, red boots and red scarf
Thursday: the maggie skirt (from CAbi), turquoise long sleeve tshirt with button detail at cuff and neck, my favorite boots of all time Biviel knee high carmel colored boots, and a wide braided leather belt.
Friday: brown corduroy skirt, purple long sleeve cowl neck tshirt, purple thigh highs (muffin top and all), brown booties and a red scarf. scarf was an addition at the last minute in honor of National Wear Red Day.
to all my CAbi ladies, i love that you are doing this with me. i know you are clothes hounds like me and it is good to go through the piles and see what you have, what you can get rid of, and what you love. i am finding that there are things that i am in need of (shocking i know) and things that i just can't stand.
cheers
H
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)