just friends...

 

as they laid in bed legs entwined, feet touching, bodies pressed together, his arm draped across her torso she asked, "is this what friends looks like?" 

 

is there anything more devastating than hearing i think we should be just friends? well maybe i should back up a few steps. let's say you met someone that unexpectedly knocked your socks off, so you jumped into this whirlwind romance and then heard i think we should be just friends? does that change anything for you?

 

as you know i have been spending time with a certain fella, then came the sucker punch and two weeks later we are still...i don't know, friends?  we still talk (but not as much as before), we still see each other (even less than the limited time before), we still enjoy being around each other, but the romantic piece that was before has been shelved.   logically shelving the romantic piece is wise, but keeping that lock box with my passion secured is easier said than done.

 

how does one flip the switch from romantically involved to platonic friends?  can it even be done? 

 

i really don't think it can.  i think the best you, or me specifically, can do is turn off your head and just feel.  be in the moment, without trying to anticipate what will happen tomorrow.  for all i know i could get hit by a bus tomorrow and would've missed out on sharing a moment when i had the chance.  i don't want to miss out.  i want to enjoy every moment as they come. 

 

truth be told, i liked how things were before the sucker punch.  in a perfect world i would have unlimited time to nourish a romantic relationship, unlimited time to devote to my children, friends and family, unlimited time to see my passions and dreams come to fruition.  unfortunately that is only in my dreamland.  in the real world there isn't enough time for any one thing and i spread my time thinly across the board making the best of what i have. 

 

so maybe at this stage just friends is right where i need to be?  i still can't wrap my head around it completely, but i'm getting there.  when i am in the same physical space i want more than what i am getting, but truly enjoy every moment of his company.  when we are apart my head is focused on the task at hand (getting lunches ready, solving sibling rivalry, laundry, scrubbing the toilet and world peace).  when it is just me, in the shroud of darkness, i am wishing that his warm body was next to mine.