bullseye...

 

on sunday night i was out with my friend watching football and warming up to play a round of darts, or two.  i was feeling pretty good about my dart skills.  during warm up i was the hitting the bullseye left and right.  some friends arrived, the trashy bar food we ordered was masking the smell of stale beer, and the cups were full.  there was an easy, carefree attitude in the air.  a perfect way to end a pleasant weekend.  then i received a text that shattered my carefree mood.

have you ever received a message that stops you in your tracks?   there is that moment where you think this must be a joke.  then you read it again and think oh my word this is real!  well i had one of those moments. 

the text required that i quickly make it home, leave my friends, and prepare for operation cuddle.  it is unnerving to walk through a door and not know what you are going to find. 

peyton? ashton?

 

no response.  immediately i thought the text was a joke and i was irritated that i had fell for it.  i climbed the steps, entered the kids room and found them curled up together reading.  for once there was no arguing between them, they were relying on each other for comfort and support.  i sat on the edge of the bed and operation cuddle commenced. 

 

there are moments in life when i know exactly why i am here on this earth.  my role as mom is the hardest most fulfilling experience i have ever had.  most of the time i go through my day like it's no big deal, but then there are those days that i can feel the difference i am making in my kid's lives.  for all the grumbling and sassy back talk they dish out, i know that they count on me to take the wheel and guide them through life.  lucky for them, i will rise to the challenge over and over again to take that burden from them.

 

the news and our judicial system is riddled with story after story of parents who forget where their priority should lay; kids dying, kids being neglected, and parents paying the price. i could've been that parent the other night. i could've received the text and said ah they will be fine. let me kick your ass in a round or two. 

 

i think sometimes it is hard, as a parent, to put your own selfish needs and wants aside in order to be the best parent you can for your kids.  becoming a parent didn't mean that i stopped wanting, desiring or dreaming.  on the contrary, being restricted by obligations has made me desire more, want more for myself and live in a dreamland to escape the reality of motherhood.  at some point my time will come, but for now it's about my kids.  i'm okay with that.

 

p.s.  the graphic above isn't one of my throws, but i have hit the bullseye three consecutive times and have a picture to prove it.  my picture just isn't as beautiful as that shot.