trimming my badonka donk...

nelly and rita are at it again.  nelly is in the lead at this point.  i really don't like her.  she turns me into this ultra insecure, sniveling woman.  i want to punch her in the nose. 

i am fighting back.  in an effort to quiet nelly and rita's sparring i have been running.  last summer when i was having issues with matt i did the same thing.  i have to be careful when i decide to run when i am spinning, i lose track of where i am.  there was a time last year that i took off on the centennial trail, by the time i realized i had been out there a while and stopped it had been an hour and i was miles from where i started.  ugh!  i ended up walking back and could hardly move the next day.

there is something about running that is mind clearing, even if it is only temporary.  keeping my shoulders down, placing my feet on the pavement with purpose, and controlling my breathing gives my mind some focus.  my favorite music is quietly encouraging me along.  i am out in this great earth and drawing energy from my environment. 

besides structuring my thoughts for a small segment of time, i get to shed my protective winter layer.  we are heading in to a warmer weather season so i need to trim my badonka donk.  this is a term my sister uses all the time referring to ones behind.  as you know, because i seem to talk about it a lot, mine is like a jello mold that has been sitting in the sun.  it is slowly losing its shape and sliding towards my thighs.  in addition to trimming my badonka donk, i am firming up the rest my jiggly jello physique.

i have one other line of defense.  i am reading a self help book.  this isn't something i usually buy into because i feel that i am who i am.  there isn't much hope in changing myself, but this book was recommended by a couple of friends and so i am absorbing the message with an open  mind.  the premise of the book loving what is, is questioning your negative thoughts by asking a series of questions and then turning the statement around on yourself. 

i admit that this book has an interesting perspective.  i think that there is probably great power in questioning your thoughts.  analyzing whether the thought is true beyond a reasonable doubt or just a thought that you think should or shouldn't be.  discovering how you react to the thought and how you treat the person who delivered it is quite depressing.  the last step of turning this thought around on yourself and seeing if you could be doing what you are expecting of the other person is definitely eye opening. 

halfway through this book, i have found myself completing the assignments, sobbing, and attempting to focus on what is instead of what i want to be.  if you have read any of my past posts you will know that i have often struggled with this.  i don't believe i am alone.  i think this is a very human thing to do.  we all have hopes, desires, aspirations, and dreams.  when those things don't pan out it is easy to lose focus. 

so there you go.  i am arming myself with tools to quiet nelly even for a short time.  she will always pipe up luring me to negativity, but hopefully i can shorten the time she takes hold.  in shedding my winter layer and trimming my badonka donk i am getting physically stronger and feeling better about myself.