i am not dumb...

why do people assume i'm dumb?

i know that when i am having a conversation face to face with someone i do not sound intelligent.  i often times sound like a teenage valley girl.  i insert a lot of "ums" and "likes".  i use words like cool, awesome, no way, and shut up are you kidding?  i have said this many times i am not the best oral communicator.  when i am having a conversation on the fly my word choice can sound dumb, but i'm not dumb.

i also know that i am a huge goofball and tend to be lighthearted and airy through conversation.  i am uncomfortable in super serious conversations, so i tend to make a ton of jabs, strange faces, or insert funny diversions to lighten things up.  this doesn't always sit well with others and i'm guessing it comes across as flippant, but i am not dumb.

i am pretty observant and intuitive.

i am a watcher of behavior patterns.

what does watcher of behavior patterns mean?  i think when you are interacting with someone you quickly fall into a pattern.  it could be a hello at the same time everyday.  when that hello is absent, i think it is natural for the mind to go red flag, something is off.  or if you are sharing a physical space with someone the way they carry themselves through the house is pretty consistent.  let's say your partner follows the same routine every morning quietly going about their business and then one morning they are stomping heavy, being loud, or purposely creating a scene so you pay attention.  again, i think it's natural for the mind to say  something is off. 

i don't think i am over paranoid.  i do my best to give the benefit of the doubt, but when i specifically say i'm getting a weird vibe, is everything okay?  what do you have to gain by lying?  i am giving you the opportunity to share.  now i get that it might not be the right time for that person to share, we all have our own time frame to feel safe and ready, but in that instance it seems like it would make more sense to say i'm not ready to discuss it yet, but i will be instead of everything is fine.

maybe you are thinking at this point that i am expecting a lot of the people i interact with?  i probably am.  however, i do my very best to live exactly the way i expect to be treated.  i definitely fail, sometimes more than i care to, but i try. 

so here is my request.  just be straight.  i know that i am not going to like everything that comes out of your mouth, but i will respect you a whole heck of a lot more for being honest and candid than lying and having to cover your tracks later.  in return i will do the same.  that is only fair.