smelly cat...

the tv show friends is probably one of my all time favorites. when it was on air i watched it religiously.  watching friends on thursday night was part of my routine.  there was an episode where phoebe had a cold, she is in the coffee shop playing her guitar and singing smelly cat, in her sexy lounge cold induced voice.  every time i have a cold and my voice gets deeper, scratchier and throatier i think of phoebe and her lounge voice.

there is a question that i often ask of people i am getting to know.  what is your dream job?  this question is asked with the following guidelines; if you didn't have to think about money, location, or any other factor what would your dream job be?  i love people's answers.  often times you can learn something about them, some sort of aspiration or desire that wouldn't come up in a regular conversation.  inevitably i get the question in return.

so some of you will already know the answer, but my response is a back up singer.  the doo-wop girl.  usually there is more than one of these girls.  so we would be in nondescript outfits, probably black dresses and boots, we can't be too flashy you aren't really supposed to notice us. we stand at our microphones, for some reason back up singers always seem to be to the left (when you are looking at the stage as a spectator) of the actual singer.  we coordinate our movements, usually this means we have our arms at a 90 degree angle and we step from left to right and move our arms in a similar fashion.  oh yeah baby this is my dream job.

back up singer you say?  why wouldn't you want to be the front woman?  well this may come as a shocker, but i really don't like being the center of attention.  when all eyes are on me i freeze.  i have had this fear for as long as i can remember the feeling of embarrassment.  speaking in front of people, well actually being the sole person doing anything in front of a group of people, makes me want to vomit.  this has come up in many aspects of my life.

i once had a job where i had to present a product.  what do they call those people?  oh yeah, a salesperson.  this is not really a job for me.  sure i am personable and can carry on a conversation, but trying to pitch a product and convince you to purchase it...forget it.  this is not my forte.  every time i had to present our product i would sweat profusely, my face turned bright red, talked really fast, forgot things, said too many of the wrong things, fidgeted...oh the list could continue, but i think you might get the idea.

this has also come up in sports.  sports?  that is kind of weird.  well let me explain.  in high school i ran track.  i was a 400 hundred runner, that is once around the track.  basically a sprint for three quarters of the track.  i was actually pretty good at it.  in the beginning i missed a couple of my races because i was in the bathroom throwing up from nerves.  i just couldn't keep them under wraps.  i also went golfing once.  yes only once.  i went with my ex husband.  since i had no idea what i was doing, i didn't want anyone to watch me.  i kept letting groups go ahead of us, waiting for an opportunity where there wasn't anyone watching so i could take my rookie crap swing.  my ex only let that happen a few times before he told me i had to go and i had to go now.  i have never golfed again.

i am getting more comfortable at making a fool of myself.  i dont' get as embarrassed as i used to.  i credit this to being a mother and making a fool of yourself to keep your kids happy and entertained.  i still haven't worked up the courage to be a singer, in front of others.  karaoke?  oh heck no, you will not get me up there.  i don't really care if you fill out a slip with my name on it.  you would first have to pry me from my chair and even then you can't make me open my mouth and emit a sound.  just sayin'

my lounge voice is already gone, but i thought i would copy and paste the lyrics to smelly cat.  just in case you find yourself with that throaty lounge voice you will know where to find the lyrics.  dont' forget your guitar, even if you can't play the tune you will look cool.

Three, four...

Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat,
What are they feeding you?
Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat
It's not your fault

They won't take you to the vet
You're obviously not their favorite pet
Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat,
It's not your fault

You may not be a bed of roses
You're not friend to those with noses
I'll miss you before we're done
Or the world will smell as one

Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat,
What are they feeding you?
Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat
It's not your fault

(Phoebe) Oh are we done?

One, two, what's that smell?

Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat,
What are they feeding you?
Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat
You're getting fat

I think that I'm gonna be sick
It's your ears, and nose and pick
Part of it, tempt me

One, two, what's that smell?

All the dogs in the neighborhood
Are saying this for your own good
What, you're fat, so you can't run
No fun, I bet, No fun

Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat,
Porno makes you eat like that
I saw you in the shopping mall

Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat,
It's not your fault,
Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat,
It's not your fault
Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat,
It's not your fault

We know what was in your food
They say it might affect your mood

You smell like something dead (3x)

One, two, what's that smell?

(Phoebe)Yeah, that's not the song