dating adventures part two....

you know this is going to be funny.  the title alone eludes to the fact that i have been exposing myself to a new crop of men hoping to find something worth my time. 

i know there are a good portion of my readers that are one facebook. so readers, do you remember when you started your facebook account?  i do.  i was addicted to my facebook page.  i was a stay-at-home mom with kids in school and time to waste.  i spent hours building my army of friends, putting silly buttons on my page, changing my mood with the mood stone app, reading status updates.  addicted for sure. 

on-line dating is kind of the same thing.  i have had a profile on plenty of fish (a free dating website) for a long time (the last year).  when i was dating matt i had it hidden.  i never looked at it because i was blissfully happy with him, but when my eternally sun shiny days started to fade and i knew that it just wasn't going to work, i unhid myself.  this is where our adventure begins.

a free website is sure to be loaded with intensely crazy people.  i find myself "window shopping" the site, perusing profiles.  i think humans are fascinating.  i love reading about what makes someone tick, their interests, their goals.  i cringe at all the "text talk" that shows up in people's bios, come on folks put yourself back in english class, dust off the file cabinet you've stored your proper grammar in and put it back in use.  there is a large number of fellas, my age, who want to be gangsta's; backwards hat pulled down over their eyebrows and a super serious "i am going to beat the crap out of you" scowl on their face.  this is not an inviting look, what happened to smiling?  maybe say cheese isn't as widely used as it used to be.

i will talk to just about anybody and this is probably a downfall of mine.  so when i get a new message (they seem to come in waves, some days i get a flurry of messages and then days will go by without any activity), i look for a few things; location (i've narrowed the search to about 10 miles), height (you have to be taller than me in heels, i just don't want to be looking at the top of your head), doesn't want anymore kids (i really am not interested in birthing more children).  then i read their profile...the fella can be cuter than all get out but if he can't write something worth reading with good grammar and correct spelling well i just can't deal.  then i scope out the pics.  let's face it not everyone is photogenic, and i try not to judge too much by the photos, but there definitely needs to be some sort of attraction.

i almost always respond to the message even if it is just to say no thank you.  however, if you are interesting i will engage.  i kind of remind myself of an old blue hair.  you know those ladies who will talk to anyone just to have a conversation?  i feel like i am always starved for adult interaction and conversation, but really i shouldn't be because i talk to so many people everyday.  anyway, occasionally i find myself at the coffee shop meeting one of these interesting fellas.  i have learned some valuable lessons that i feel is my duty to pass along.

1.  if all pictures are from far away or with sunglasses...there may be a problem.  sometimes people look so different from their photos.  this fella had a wandering eye.  oh my word!  this may not be an issue for some, but i can't control my face.  i had no idea what eye to look at.  i could feel my face scrunching up, eyebrows furrowed, my mouth pinched and my head cocked to the right, always the right.  oh for goodness sakes, i need a heads up about this kind of thing.  that was a no.

2.  last fall i met a fella...on paper a pretty good catch, but there are just somethings that aren't listed on paper.  i actually met him two times.  our first meeting i noticed that he stuttered a bit.  chalked it up to being nervous.  well the second time we had dinner, there was wine involved.  you would think that the wine would loosen things up, but this only intensified the stuttering.  again, can't control my face.  he stuck on M's.  the letter M is actually used a lot.  more than one may realize.  needless to say, i made a complete ass of myself hanging on the words, wanting to finish the thought.  that was a no.

i really am not so shallow as to discount fellas for attributes that are beyond their control, but i know myself and what i can feasibly live with.  wandering eyes and stuttering aren't things i can live with.

so sometimes the messages are just so out there they leave you baffled.  for instance:

1.  would you be interested in marrying a preacher and doing missionary work?  quite the pick up line!  i told him no, but thank you for the offer.

2.  interested in dating?  talk about jumping in with both feet.  the kicker, he/she lives in texas.  did you catch the he/she?  this human was definitely a woman masquerading as a man!  are you kidding me?

well that's about all i've got today. 

cheers