smellmop....

ad circulars, tremendously long lines, bad attitudes, and occasional tramplings....this can only be black friday shopping.  for some reason on this day, which happens during hours that no reasonable human being should be awake unless you work graveyard, people don their worst behavior and poorest manners.  maybe it is caused by lack of sleep, or that they are cold from standing outside waiting in a long line, or maybe it is just because they are worried about getting that one thing and can't imagine missing it because of all these other yahoos in front of them.  whatever the case, people are not happy to be black friday shopping.

in general i don't enjoy shopping, but i look forward to this shopping day.  it is another day that i get to spend with my girlfriends, that we get to be silly and create another memory.  as with anything the mammas do this is an event.  which stores in which order?  who is driving?  who rides in what car? there are usually 10 of us that go, cars are important.  do we stick together or split up for maximum efficiency? and the most important thing where are we going to have breakfast?  the mammas love to eat.  there is a lot of planning that goes into a mamma event.

this year was going to be different, stores were opening at 10pm, thursday night.  what?  well this definitely changed our plans from previous years. after dropping off the kids with their dad, i went home to attempt a nap.  i set my alarm, curled up in a blanket and laid down.  five minutes into my nap disaster struck.

now i am not shy and this may gross some of you out, but i think someone slipped me a laxative at dinner.  five trips to bathroom in forty minutes and i was wondering how i was ever going to go shopping.  i text my ride, i am not sure i am going to make it.  she told me you are not backing out now, i am on my way to get you.  i told her i am not crapping my pants standing in line!!

well news of my issue spread fast.  bethy text me ummmm.....spray poop?  this is what her six year old son calls number 3.  massive.  it's like i took a laxative, and the smell coming out of my rear would disintegrate the car and all it's occupant!!  too much rich food today!  well my mamma friends are ruthless and never pass an opportunity to poke fun at one another.  this is where the fun starts...

knock, knock....
who's there?
smellmop
smellmop who?
say it out loud...

if you said it out loud hopefully you giggled.  i did as i was sitting on the pot.  now i had posted on my facebook page C.R.A.P.  i knew the ladies would get it, but i was hoping that someone would come up with what those letters could mean...i can't think of any at the moment, but you get the drift.  instead i got sorry mamma mud butt is no fun.  oh my goodness, i wasn't expecting that, but again i laughed. 

i never made it shopping. my plan was to have the mass clean out, then meet up with the ladies.  at midnight i was finally done and exhausted.  i ended up just going to bed.  this is the first black friday shopping i have missed in the last 5-6 years.  so sad to have missed the adventure, but seriously glad that i didn't crap my pants in front of my friends and countless strangers.  there is no way i would've lived that down, EVER.