spark....

Well, my date last night went well. Super great guy, and we had good conversation. I met him at 6 pm, and didn't leave until 9 pm. He bought my dinner and it was fun, but for me there just didn't seem to be any "spark"...hmmpff.

spark.  this one word can keep us in a holding pattern continually circling the dating pool searching for that elusive spark.  we all seem to be looking for that certain someone who makes us excited on all levels; physically, emotionally, mentally.  someone that turns us on, that can carry on an easy intelligent conversation, that makes us laugh and feel at ease, someone that you don't have to impress with all your stats they just like and take you at face value.  this is that elusive spark that we are seeking, but should the lack of spark be a deal breaker?

i of course have an opinion and it is this...lack of spark should be a deal breaker.  i just don't think that you can create spark, either it is there or it isn't.  if you don't have it initially that doesn't mean that you won't develop a deep respect or admiration for that person, but i think that is different from spark. the spark leaves you craving more, a desire and intrigue to see that person again.  spark somehow gives you permission to daydream about a life with that person, you imagine long term even if you have only met that person once.

this spark can be tricky, because sometimes you can interact with a person via text, phone calls, or emails and you seem to connect well.  the electronic conversation is good, the idea that you have created in your head of their physical appearance is good (because until now you just have a photo to go off and really you have no idea how old that photo might be) and you are just keeping your fingers crossed that there is chemistry and spark.  so you set a date, it is now time to meet.  when you finally lay eyes on this person that has brought an extra smile to your face and you feel nothing it is a huge let down. 

i guess i am expecting robins to be singing, a spotlight that automatically shines down on your prince who is casually walking towards you, the rest of the room to fade out and it is just the two of you.  yes i understand that this is absolute insanity, i realize that these things won't actually happen, but i know that something is going to be different. 

when i first reconnected with J, i knew that i was supposed to be right there, i can't really explain why other than my world felt completely at ease and my mind stopped spinning with all the details of the rest of my day.  this is a little different than spotlights and fade-outs, but it is my equivalent, to have my mind be silent is a blessing.  every time i interacted with J it was the same thing, i was peaceful and calm and the rest of my world melted away for the length of that interaction. 

meeting C was a totally different spark, it was all physical.  i was drawn to him and had an irresistible urge to touch him.  it was magnetic, electric and something bigger than me, i couldn't control it.  i desired and craved him and did stupid things to satisfy my need.  there were other things that i ended up liking about him, but in the end that magnetism faded, first for him and eventually for me and the other things we shared couldn't keep us connected it wasn't enough.

i have a guy friend that i talk with often about this spark.  he is recently divorced and dating.  he has said many times  i am looking for that spark that i had with my ex.  i am not sure if i will find that spark again, but i want it.  well he has met several nice ladies and always says they were nice but that spark wasn't there.  so i always tell him keep searching don't settle.  his last pseudo-relationship is what i want to focus on because i think his experience is exactly what i am talking about.

guy meets girl....they see each other for a few months...girl moves away...guy is not completely heartbroken but more upset than he thought he would be.  from the beginning he had said there is no spark, she is nice, i enjoy spending time with her, but i don't know if i see myself with her long term.  there was never a time throughout the duration of their time together that he felt comfortable calling her his girlfriend even though they weren't seeing other people, he hadn't and didn't plan on introducing her to his children (his kids are all over 16), and he wasn't ever super comfortable talking about her or really even acknowledging her presence in his his life with the rest of the gang.

my personal opinion is that although he liked her as a person, she was just convenient, a warm body that filled the void of being alone.  he didn't feel "it" with her and therefore didn't invest too much time in creating with her.  if spark appeared on his doorstep, i am convinced he would've walked away from convenience to pursue spark.  i should make clear that i don't think there is anything wrong with filling the void, i think that we as humans (or at least most of us) need and want that connection with a person of the opposite sex.  i have made a conscious choice to not fill the void unless i think it is the right person.  i am not interested in just any joe schmoe he needs to be spark-a-liscious.

i think spark is different for everyone.  it can be a calmness that they bring, fireworks and fade-outs, to all and everything in between.  i don't think that we should settle for mediocre.  it looks like i am searching for a C + J combination, a man that i can't keep my hands off of and he brings peace and tranquility to my day.  maybe C+ J will equal MRE.