ass-u-me

so i talked recently about assuming.  assuming gets one in trouble.  assuming is unfair to the other party.  assuming is just plain stupid and i for one should stop doing it.  when one starts assuming that the other knows what you are thinking, knows that you have ideas about your future, knows your hopes, dreams, aspirations, and you haven't actually shared them then a break down happens. 

assuming is different from hinting.  hinting is when you skirt all around the actual issue, idea, or what you would like to see happen, where as assuming is your are expecting the other party to read your mind.  in hinting you have vocalized in a round about sort of way what you are wanting, but assuming you are hoping the other person has xray vision and can see your thoughts or maybe you think you have a speech bubble that pops over your head for the other person to read.  the speech bubble would be really nice, but i have only seen that in printed word not in real life conversation.

assuming will often times lead to a misunderstanding that could have easily been solved with communication.  this doesn't always work, because maybe you are communicating in the hinting way and there is still a misunderstanding.  here is what i know for sure, hinting is not an effective form of communication and assuming is not communicating at all. 

i get the hang up of just being straightforward.  this may come as a shocker, but when i am expected in a face to face conversation to be straightforward i am often times hesitant.  straightforwardness requires that you open yourself up, be vulnerable and trust who you are sharing with.  sometimes the person you are sharing with is a complete ass and refuses to hear your side, your idea, or your want.  when you encounter that too many times you start to doubt that what you have to say is valid. 

as i get older and hopefully wiser i am learning to take that leap, trust in myself, ask for what i know is right for me.  it is scary.  i listen to myself trying to spit out the words and a whole bunch of random garbage spews from my mouth intermixed with the important words.  or i will explain in general terms instead of making the reference to just the situation at hand.   thank you to the poor soul who is listening to me and trying to decipher what i am saying, he (because this only arises when i am having a serious conversation with a man) should get a merit badge for his "how to live with flo" sash.  i would offer to sew the new badge on, as an appreciation of his time and patience, but i have no idea how.