sex before marriage?

it is always exciting when you are getting to know someone.  you learn likes and dislikes, you start to understand their humor or lack of, maybe you even start to fall into a routine a wake up call a goodnight text.  there are undoubtedly things that are discussed in the early stages of getting to know someone that may be shocking but not deterrents, some that may feel like the other person pulled the information straight out of your brain and is handing it back to you or maybe they are complete deal breakers.

him: i don't believe in premarital sex?
me:  (cough and choke, collect my thoughts) what do you consider sex?
him: not really sure anymore
me: (hmmmm......) fair enough, i guess we figure it out as we go.

do you remember that movie The Mirror Has Two Faces with Barbra Streisand and Jeff Bridges?  ok total geek out moment, i love Barbra Streisand!  anyway, the movie's concept is creating a strong, intimate bond with a person of the opposite sex and not muddling it with the act of sex.  in the end they "hook up" and supposedly live happily ever after.

i can honestly say that i have not encountered a man in this present day that has this belief, until now.  the idea is intriguing.  i have asked a few friends about this concept, here are some of their responses: 

I guess for me.. it's not about being a slut and seeing what you can have, but to be with someone for the rest of your life.. and there is a special connection with sex.. I guess what I mean is that what if it's not good. I am serious! I mean you have to connect on may different levels and that is one that I would want to know what I was getting into.. not after you have said I do... am I way off on that!?!?!? ;)

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  good luck with that. ;)  go team _____ 

i kind of like to take a "test drive" first, see what's under the hood.   (this is a lot of car references)

if you can do it, it is worth the wait....

it isn't something that i have ever put much thought in to.  i have just gone with how i felt at the moment, which can be anywhere from "let's get naked" to "never going to happen".  now that i have to think about it, and i have been thinking about it, i really don't know where i stand, i am like always viewing both sides of the fence.

relationships seem to move so quickly these days.  date one: drinks. one drink turned into two and then all of sudden you are in this booze haze and this fella seems like "prince charming", in your "anything goes" booze haze you are at his place (because you never bring someone back to your place) and you're naked, once the haze dissipates you realize mr. dreamy is actually 2 inches shorter than you, could be a mike tyson voice double and doesn't have his own place he is just temporarily staying on his buddies couch.  wtf?  there is no second date, because eww, and you have added another notch to the bed post.  oy!! i have NEVER had this date, just using my imagination.

i think that maybe an extended courtship could be nice.  we are in such a hurry as humans to get to the next step, the next base, the next thing that stopping to appreciate and really get to know your potential life partner is left in the dust.  i like the idea of hugging, holding hands, kissing, cuddling on the couch, going on dates, and talking on the phone for hours at a time.  taking your time learning about this person.  waiting for that all consuming intoxication of newness to wane just a bit and see if you still think he is the "bees knees". slow it down just a bit. 

ok, you've slowed it down, you still think he is great, you've decided he has more "goods" than "bads" is it now time to check out the "goods"?  i suppose the real question is would you get married to this man today?  if the answer is yes, do you really need to wait until you actually get married?  if you are a no sex before marriage person, then i guess the answer is yes.

so here is the problem.  when you are physically drawn to someone and you are positive you are going to get married to this person...how in the world do you wait?!?  this is the ultimate tease...we can do everything but...we will fool around and just when we should be "doing it" he says, " sorry babe, we aren't married yet."  what do you do now?  pull out "b.o.b." from the nightstand and say, "give me a minute and then we can cuddle."? or do you get to your side of the bed and pick up your book?  i have no idea, but this sounds like torture.

whichever route you decide to take, sex or no sex before marriage, i think the key is communicating what the expectation is.  i personally have no moral issue either way.  i really like the courting part, i think there is something really intimate about holding hands, hugging and kissing.  i do think that maybe a "test drive" isn't such a bad idea.  like my friend said what if it's bad?, but i don't think you should go out "testing" just to find that compatible bedmate.