tame your tongue...

Feelings can be a little like our laundry.  Sometimes we can't sort them until we dump them on the table. ~ beth moore

it is sunday, church day.  i am very honest that i sometimes regularly attend.  i am really good at coming up with any excuse to not go.  it's my only day to sleep in.  this is a load of garbage, i had saturday and truly i choose to get up an hour earlier than i need to every weekday just to have some me time.  i don't have enough time to get showered.  hogwash, it takes me just a few minutes to shower, dress and get out the door, i always have time.  i don't feel good.  baloney, i never feel good when i wake up, it's nothing unusual.  somehow i always get up and get out the door.  really it is all just excuses. 

i actually like going to church.  i like the social aspect.  it is a time to be with other people who are similar in their beliefs.  it is a constant.  i am big on routines and dependability, the church is always there.  i generally come away with a tidbit in my brain to ponder.  you know how i like to mull things over.  and i have said before that i don't believe you have to go to church to prove your faith, but it is a good place to solidify and remind yourself of your faith.

the saying above is from the bible study class that i, sometimes regularly, go to. there is a study guide and homework that i am supposed to do.  i have only completed my homework once.  i choose instead to sit next the teacher, my friend bethy, and copy her work.  shameful i know, but i do take things away from the class. 

a few weeks ago, there was a message that i had to draw on today.  the message was: don't say things that only make yourself feel better.  this is sometimes a really hard thing to do.  having the ability to bite your tongue or as beth moore would say tame your tongue is a skill.  one that needs to be practiced. 

a person from my past has been super persistent in maintaining a relationship.  the more time that goes by and the constant barrage of messages and conversations i have with this person the more i want to have a throw down.  little things keep coming up, snippets of information that are putting pieces together, and i don't really know how to handle all of them.  as the puzzle is being built i am seeing a picture that i don't want to see.  it makes me angry. 

i want to assault this person with truths, my feelings, and their actions that were hurtful.  i am not sure how it would be received.  would my words fall on deaf ears or would they resonate for the better?  there is no way to predict the outcome and this is where the message keeps popping up.  like a neon sign that flashes in the back of my head.  the cartoon angel on my shoulder reminding me to tread carefully.  the airplane sky writer sending me a personal message.

in the short term, a full on assault with my words would bring me satisfaction.  however i know myself too well and know that in the long run i would feel bad.  i would be upset with myself for causing someone else unnecessary grief.  there really isn't anything for me to gain.  i have shared enough times (when i was directly in the situation) that dragging it up now would only be for revenge.  i would prefer that this isn't a characteristic (revenge seeker) that comes to mind when i or anyone else thinks of me.

maybe that message will stick with you?  maybe you will choose to hold back, tame your tongue, and choose your words more carefully?