spinning plates...

i have too many thoughts swirling through my head.  one way i know to try and make sense of what i am worrying, or thinking, or fretting about is to write it down.  being able to see my thoughts written out somehow makes them easier for me to understand.  a black and white statement of exactly how i am interrupting my thoughts.  the only time they go gray is if i stare at those black and white words too long, then they get all fuzzy.  in an attempt to make sense out of my thoughts, here we go.

so what's the problem this time flo?  i am exhausted.  i constantly and consistently live with unpredictability and irrational decisions, not necessarily from me.  this wishy-washy, however the wind is blowing for the day, way of proceeding through life leaves me scrambling for the best solution and wondering how am i ever going to be able to move forward?   i am having moments of clarity and strength followed quickly by moments of weakness and doubt.  i know logically and rationally how i need to handle these situations but i find it hard to set clear boundaries.  i am still soft.

sometimes i think my best option is just to focus on my kids, my job, my family and friends.  forget the rest, it is just too complicated.  seems like when i start trying to add another plate i mess the precarious balance of plates.  you know those bowl or plate twirlers at the circus?  i have this perfectly balanced load and then i try to add another plate and topsy turvy it all crashes around me.  i'm just not cut out for all this unpredictability and turmoil.

what is an over active, over thinking, over analyzing gal to do?  stop thinking would be the best option.  stop analyzing would be another good option.  all of which i cannot do, even if i try really hard i lack the skills to stop thinking. ugh.  i guess this leaves me with one option, balance the plates that i have and carefully add another.  i suppose if it all crumbles it just wasn't the right plate or the right time.