sasquatch...

phantom pains. 

The ability to feel sensations and pain in a limb or limbs that no longer exist.

compliments of Encyclopedia Brittanica

i have all my limbs, digits and organs, but my presence has been severed.  not sure if anyone else knows what i am talking about, but i will do my best to explain.

there are times in one's life where the stars seemed to be aligned.  or maybe you call it, the universe is in order.  or maybe you think, it is my time.  or maybe you believe in God and think He brought you another human to connect with. whatever you call it, i wonder if you have met someone that you just connect with, can't imagine your daily life without them and then life changes and they are gone?

this has happened to me several times.  with both men and women.  i am not sure why we connect better with certain people, but for me there are simply people who speak my language.  they get me and  i get them.  i look forward to interacting with them, hearing about their day, sharing mine.  i truly cherish that time i spend with them. 

being a single gal i tend to have single guy friends.  guy friends that i don't have an intimate relationship with, there are a couple i secretly would like to have an intimate relationship, but don't.  i'm just not that kind of girl.  anyway, there is one in particular where life has changed our friendship. 

a little history, without a name, because that just isn't fair, but if he reads this he will know.  i "met" him in september of this year.  we instantly clicked.  the conversation was always easy, goofy, sometimes flirty, intoxicating.  but we live 5 hours apart, there was never an intention to date, or even try to date, we just connected.  our friendship quickly turned to pet names.  we talked daily comparing dating stories, the weather, what we had for dinner, etc.  i think you get the idea, we just clicked. 

i knew and he knew, that one of us was going to start dating someone who lived in our area.  i knew it would be him first my schedule isn't as flexible as his.  nevertheless, i was kind of dreading the day i would get the text  i met someone.   not because i wanted it to be me, but because the rules change.  there are now lines that you don't cross. a respectful distance that you keep.  this was something we had actually talked about, but i don't think you really know how different it will be until you are there.

i got the text.  i was instantly sad and happy all at the same time.  i am extremely happy for him.  he is a genuine soul.  the woman he shares that with is truly blessed.  i hope she knows that.  i am selfishly sad for my loss. our last exchange was a promise to stay in touch, but we haven't.  deep down i knew we wouldn't and that is the part that saddens me. 

in one fell swoop i was severed with no hope of being reattached.  maybe somewhere down the road our paths will cross again?  i know better than to count on that, but there are times in the cover of darkness i wonder how he is doing? 

goodbye sasquatch.

flo