loving you....or not...

i am single.

you are going to have to be amazing to change that.

being a single gal who doesn't want to be single means that you have to date.  i have found myself on a handful of first dates, but rarely do they lead to a second date.  i recently went on a ridiculous first date that had disaster written all over it. 

i am guilty of derailing this date from the get go.  i made a crass remark, that didn't really come out the way i had intended.  i was unaware that he was bald.  for the record, i have no problem with the follically challenged, there are some men who pull this off beautifully.  he was one of those men.  i was just unaware.  so in the first few exchanges i derailed the date with...

me: i wasn't aware that you are bald. 

him: oh i'm not bald

me: so you just choose to not wear your hair?

him: speechless with a did you really just say that look on his face

there are times that i just shouldn't open my mouth.  this was definitely one of those times.  as the words made their way past my lips my inner voice said seriously heather you are an ass.  besides the fact that i opened my big mouth without weighing my words first, he had absolutely no sense of humor.  a sense of humor is a must for me.  what in the world do you have if you can't find humor in everyday mundane things?

there were many ridiculous awkward pauses in the conversation.  i am pretty good at carrying on a conversation, but i am not tom hanks from castaway, i can't carry the whole thing.  a conversation is traditionally an exchange of words between two or more people.  please, please contribute.

after many awkward pauses and disagreements in opinion our time together was coming to an end.  the next thing that happened was strange.  how many times have you been out to eat with a person of the opposite sex?  me...tons (my ex-husband, my ex-boyfriend, , the handful of first dates, and male friends in general).  how many times has the wait staff person come to your table and asked "will this be on one or separate checks?"  me...if this has happened before i just don't remember.  this happens frequently when i am with the ladies, but i really can't remember it happening when i am out with a man.  anyway, he hesitated in answering and looked at me, which i quickly said, "i got mine." 

maybe i am a little old fashioned, but i do expect the person who asked the other one out, to pay.  he asked me out to dinner but i picked up my own tab.  clearly it wasn't going well, but this was the clincher.  then he asked if i wanted to go do something else.  really?  ummm...no, but thank you for an awkward evening and good luck in your search.

needless to say, i haven't heard from his since.  i drove home singing in my car thinking man this is hard.  i guess i am getting a better idea of what i am NOT looking for.