my mood meter is whack...

i feel like a schizophrenic this week. 

snarfy

melancholy

provocative

keeping up with where i fall on the mood meter at any given time is a challenge.  i am up and down, left and right, forwards and backwards, right side up and upside down.  i have troubles deciphering where i am at sometimes.  to quote one of my most favorite people, a woman who happens to share my same name i am a hot mess! 

snarfy isn't a real word.  merriam & webster do not recognize it, but the urban dictionary does.  according to the urban dictionary it means; rude, to snap at someone.  yep, i have been snarfy this week.  i have blown people off, not responded to messages, been impatient, curt, unreasonably difficult.  all because i feel like it.  i have no good reason for my behavior and i don't necessarily think it's horribly inappropriate.  we all have deplorable behavior, some admittedly more than others, but we all have it.  i can tell you that this week my snarfiness stems from the second word on my list melancholy.

i am six days into a week without my kids.  i hate it.  everyday i miss the noise, the chaos, the arms that slip around my waist for a spontaneous hug.  i miss the bickering, hearing mom 3,500 times a day, the complaints about dinner, and the plea to snuggle just a little bit longer.  at this point in my life my kids are everything.  the herd of elephants isn't charging around, the sweet voices reading to each other are silent, my hands aren't grasping another they are left empty and cold.  oh, i miss my babies.  i simply can't imagine my world without them.  maybe if i had a beau my mood when my kids are gone wouldn't be so drastic and the third word on my list wouldn't be shouting at me so loudly.

yesterday i wrote about sex.  this is not a topic that i regularly talk about.  not that it isn't on my mind.  i just choose to share other things.  however, the trek across the arid desert seems to be getting longer.  the littlest things have turned me on lately.  without divulging too much, the problem and solution is simple. i need and want some lovin'.  i would prefer my lovin' often and with the same fella, but perhaps a spontaneous trip to coos bay for a weekend of unabashed passion will suffice.

although happy, joyful, hopeful, excited, or elation did not make my list up above i have had moments of all these emotions.  there are a handful of benefits to a week off from being mom.  one of my favorites is that i get to go to bethy's every morning and have coffee.  i had date night with duedue, we went to dinner, had a cocktail, went to the movies and then tooled around fred meyer's trying on silly hats.  i got to play darts with a new friend.  my house stays clean.  i'm going to ana's for my annual game of spoons.  i can talk on the phone.

if only my schizo moments were limited to kid free weeks.  my life would be less dramatic, but what would i write about?