sucker punch...

i think you are great, but... 

 

seriously just save it.  i know who i am.  i don't need you to tell me all the great attributes that i have that you are passing on.  it is a sucker punch to the gut.  wish my gut was iron clad so you would break your hand.  okay maybe that is a little much, but really how is telling someone i think you are great, but... supposed to make them feel better?

  

sometimes it's nice to hear it...

 

true.  this is a good point.  i think more often than not we point out others negatives, so it is always nice to hear positive things about yourself from another human being.  however, i think when you are telling someone that you are moving on, this is a crummy time to tell them.  maybe it's just me. 

don't even get me started on the cliches...it's not you it's me, i'm just not ready for a serious relationship, i have some things to work on.  my personal feeling is that most people are not purposely out to hurt others so we sugar coat or skirt what we really want to say.  the problem i see with this is that the person hearing it's not you or i'm not ready  is left wondering, well when did you figure this out because you were gung ho just a couple of days ago? 

so as you can probably guess i'm speaking from personal experience.  a recent personal experience.  recent as in friday morning recent.  i truly feel like i've been sucker punched.  first of all i was not the one who initiated this entanglement.  if i would've stuck to what i normally do i would've passed before it got started, the logistics just didn't work on paper.  however i felt such an electric connection with this human that i threw caution to the wind and jumped in with both feet.  seems as if i may have jumped too hard.  somehow i went right through the bottom and landed in a crumpled up broken heap.

i can hear the critics saying heather, you move too fast.  you trust too easily.  you should be more cautious.  well, i don't know how to do that.  period.  i give all of who i am from the get go.  you have my full attention with no distractions.  the downside, i tend to be the only one who has this philosophy.  sigh.
 
well what now?  i feel the punch.  i absorb the force of that blow through to my core.  when i catch my breath again i continue to be me.  i stay true to who i am.  eventually i will encounter a human that has the same philosophy as i do, who isn't interested in playing games, who will be in, all in and not hold back and is ready to go the distance.  i know it is going to happen.