silent treatment...

the silent treatment.  i am pretty sure we all know what this is.  i think it is safe to say at some point in our relationship life cycle we have all either been the giver or the receiver.  this is a way to punish you're partner in a manipulative way.  in every act of communication there are two sides.  in the silent treatment there is the giver and the receiver.  on one side there is a lot of control and power asserted...the giver.  on the other side you get three options; go bat shit crazy, don't give a flying f#!*, or kowtow...the receiver.  in the end this form of punishment is a mind game. 

let's say you are the giver of the silent treatment.  you feel your partner is being unreasonable or has wronged you.  in a two year old stamping of the feet sort of way you say fine, i just won't talk to you.  for an extended period of time, determined by me, i am going to remove myself from your life and let you see what it would really be like without me.  more often than not the receiver has no idea this is coming because the giver is in complete control of the situation.  they decided when and if it can be resolved.  in my opinion the giver is unnecessarily toying with their partners emotions . 

admittedly i have been the giver.  definitely not something i am proud of considering how crummy it feels to be the receiver, but i have done this.  here is the problem i have run into being the giver, i don't know when to call a truce.  at first i feel like i am really sticking it to them, oh yeah how do you like me now sort of thing.  but after some time passes i don't know how to get back into that persons graces and feel stupid for even putting us through it in the first place.  i have gotten much better, when i am in a relationship, to say i need a few moments to process my emotions, instead of just disappearing, but as always i am a work in progress.

being the receiver of the silent treatment is sheer hell.  you are not in control of anything, your mind spins, and if you are like me you go from being disappointed to confused to just flat out pissed.  there is no way for the receiver to handle this situation gracefully, at least not for me.  either i go totally straight jacket crazy.  which means i call constantly, text novels and stew thinking up every comeback in the world and justifying my ridiculousness.  or i just don't care and give it right back, which i think this is a bad sign for any relationship.  or i apologize profusely for something that i don't feel i was in the wrong for, just so it is over.  pathetic.  not only does option c not work, it comes back later on because it wasn't dealt with in the first place.

alright, you've handed out the silent treatment you are not speaking to this person.  you blatantly ignore every form of contact thrown your way.  how do you really expect the receiver to act when you, the giver, decides hey i'm ready to talk to you again?  is the receiver supposed to be elated that you've decided to acknowledge them with a hey babe glad that's over? or do you expect the hey a**hole, here's a taste of your own medicine, i'm not interested in what you have to say.  in my own experience i flip flop on how i will handle this until it is actually staring me in the face.  in most circumstances i tend to crumble like dry fallen leaves.

i am not in the business of head games.  i like to get it out there and deal with it.  with that said, i think it is perfectly okay and healthy to table a discussion until both parties are really ready to talk about it.  figure out your stance, let the anger dissipate and then come back to it with fresh thinking and a fresh attitude. however, i think this should be a joint decision not one made single sidedly to assert control, manipulate and/or get your way.