there are things that mothers aren't supposed to think. things we definitely aren't supposed to say. it is taboo, forbidden and controversial. but as most of you know, i tend to speak my mind, or at least share it through written word. so here you go. there are times when i don't want to be a mother. there i said it.
being a parent means you are on at all times. you have to be conscious of what you say, what you don't say, what you wear, what you eat, how you conduct yourself in general. why? well because those little sponges are watching every move you make and mimicking you. in addition you have to discipline, guide and pass on knowledge in hopes that they absorb all the important lessons you are attempting to teach them. are you exhausted? wait there is more...
if you have more than one child, like i do, then your work is twofold. you are now a referee of endless and pointless arguments; my imaginary friend swaffer likes jelly beans. no he doesn't. yes he does. no he doesn't. yes he does. MOOOM!!. if you have children of different genders your house is overrun with ridiculous gender specific crap; army men, dolls, sports gear galore, nail polish, nerf anything. you have to remember twice as many things; johnny prefers peanut butter only with no crusts. jannie likes peanut butter and honey but only cut on the diagonal. are you catching my drift? it's exhausting.
not only am i mom, but i am a single mom who would prefer to be in a relationship. this dilemma adds extra flavor to the mix. now i have to worry about how this person will or will not fit in to my life. would this fella be a good role model? will he like my kids? i am not the mom who introduces every tom, dick and harry to my kids, which limits my time immensely.
can you blame me for wanting to bail out on my mom duties? don't get me wrong i love my children more than anything in this whole world. i would do anything to protect them. i bend over backwards to ensure their happiness and security. however, if there has ever been a mom who needs her calgon moment it is me. to all the other moms. i don't think i work harder than the rest of you. i don't think my situation is better or worse than yours. i'm just throwing my mommy tantrum.
so yes there are times when i wish i wasn't already a mom. i wouldn't have the unnecessary drama that is created by my ex. i could start fresh, fall in love and have all those dreamy, mushy-gushy pictures i see all over facebook and pinterest. i would have more time to do the things that i want to do for me. but if i wasn't a mom already then i wouldn't have my kids, the kids i have right now. my kids who inspire me everyday. who teach me new ways of looking at our world and myself. i wouldn't have those small arms wrapped around my waist for a random hug or a small hand slipped into mine in the parking lot just because. do i really want to give that up? no way. like i said above i'm just throwing my mommy tantrum.
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