i just started reading a book that my stepmom, sam, gave me the hour that matters most. okay, okay, i know, i have a bunch a different reads happening right now. this is really unusual for me, but currently i have my dazzling parenting book, my workbook for sunday school, my pleasure reading book the help and now this one. this is unusual because normally i do not possess the power to keep it all straight, but for some reason i am able to keep the four books i have going straight, must be all those blueberries i ate over the summer.
before i get into this book, i want to update you on my dazzling parenting book. i was excited to learn some new tools that i could use with my ratchets, but honestly the ladies that penned this book are nuts. as you know, i consider myself to be a Christian and i don't have anything against religion, but these ladies seem like fanatics. they are the exact people that i would shy my children away from, that comes across really harsh, but seriously i would walk the other way. sure i've only read 3 chapters, but the third chapter was by far the hardest for me to read. i was frantically writing notes on all the ways i disagreed or just thought the rationale was crazy town. i have no idea how i am going to make it through the whole class without ripping my hair out. i suppose it's a good thing those ladies aren't actually teaching the class we might have a throw down, which i would win.
so the new book. the focus is coming together as a family at least once a day for a meal. i grew up this way, i do this with my own kids, and honestly i think it is strange that a good majority of folks don't do this in their homes. i understand why it doesn't happen (multiple schedules, food likes/dislikes, lack of time) but a family dinner is very important to me and i do everything in my power to make that happen. even if it is just a bowl of cereal, we sit together for the 2.2 minutes that it takes to consume it.
i found myself with an extra 10 minutes yesterday afternoon. once a week i have two extra kiddos who come home with us, my kids love having friends to hang and play with. so after all four kids got their homework done and they all enjoyed a snack (peanut butter and chocolate chip crescent rolls; these were a hit) the lot was playing soccer out in the yard. i took this opportunity to crack open the book. i have been itching to dive into it, so i got my pen, post-it notes, a cup of tea and sat down at the kitchen table. i wasn't able to get very far, in fact i haven't even made it into the first chapter, but i was hooked.
the introduction has some interesting facts that i wanted to share
1. 65% of teens and young adults spend less than hour a day unplugged. oh geez, i must considered a young adult. i am very, very guilty of this. ever since i treated myself to my iphone for my birthday last year, i have been addicted to my phone. my friend beth and i had held off getting smart phones because we didn't want to be those people who are hunched over their tiny screen. well, i have turned into that person. sigh. i play games, listen to music, check my facebook, email, text, call, take pictures...you name it i do it on my phone. i use it as my alarm clock, which means i sleep with it. occasionally i answer texts that come through in the middle of the night. my phone is like an extension of my hand, i always have it on my person.
2. in the 1950's the McDonald's Corporation was born in southern california. today McDonald's is the nation's largest purchaser of beef, pork and potatoes. according to Eric Schlosser author of fast food nation, the golden arches are now more widely recognized than the Christian cross. these statistics are mind blowing to me. an establishment that slings burgers, fries and shakes has had and will continue to have such a big impact on our nation. this makes me wonder where our nation would be without McDonald's?
3. about the same time drive-thrus started sweeping the nation, tv dinners were unveiled, instant rice was introduced and the microwave. the mindset in the 1950's went from nutritional value of a meal to how fast can i put a complete meal on the table. i don't think we have just drive-thrus and microwaves to blame, the shift in the workforce i think has had a big impact on family meals.
all of this is from the introduction. mind boggling! i may change my mind on the importance of this book, but i will tell you right now that i am thinking this is a must read. i did skim the book and throughout there are tips on dinner discussion, there are meal ideas, and of course more statistics. yippee
as i said above, i grew up with the constitution of the family dinner. it didn't matter where we lived, who was a part of our life, what after school activities we had, being home for dinner was required. there were very few excuses that were good enough to miss family dinners.
as a mamma of two kiddos, i have continued this tradition, but we have added breakfast. i cook breakfast for my children every day, they have one day during the school week that is cold breakfast day, this is the day that i don't prepare a hot meal. most mornings you can find me in my uglier than ugly pink robe and slippers with wet hair flipping french toast, pancakes or eggs. yes they are spoiled. i eat my breakfast in liquid form, coffee.
dinners are most often eaten at the table, occasionally we eat in the living room and watch a movie, but this is a special night. i will admit that being on top of my game and cooking every night is challenging. there are times when i am beat and i just don't feel like cooking. since we aren't really a "left-over" family, those nights tend to be pizza or a drive-thru. there are also times that i love a good ol' fashion gut bomb from McDonald's (i like the quarter pounder with cheese), unfortunately it doesn't like me so much.
please don't take this as i am patting myself on the back for a job well done. i am guilty of drive-thrus, crap dinners, sitting at the table with my phone and completely ignoring my children, but i would say that we eat more meals together than not. we eat more home cooked meals than not. i am engaged with my kids more times than not. okay maybe just a small pat on the back.
i can't wait to dive into this book. thank you sam. i love you.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
loving my apron...
being in the kitchen is a place i am comfortable. i have a really small kitchen right now. it is set up like a galley kitchen, the sink and oven are across from each other. when you have the dishwasher open you can't get into the refrigerator. there is very little cupboard space, but the cupboards it does have have slide out drawers this is a really nice feature. i have kitchen things stashed all over, in a hutch in the eating area, in my front closest (thank you dad for putting those shelves in there for me), towels are in my laundry room, there are more things stashed but i feel like you might be screaming hoarder at me, so i will stop.
although if you, not sure who you is but maybe you will know who you are, want to surprise me. cooking lessons would be what i would get me. i don't when i would ever have the time to go to them, but i would adore you forever. if you decided to take them with me that would be even better.
okay, back to it.
even though my kitchen is tight i am able to turn out delicious creations. i am a novice chef. ha! that makes me laugh just saying it. okay, no really i am a recipe follower. i lack the ability to create meals just because i think the flavors will taste good together. i do not understand the science behind mixing the compoents to create a flavor balanced dish. i could probably benefit from an actual cooking class, just to understand, but really there are so many qualified chefs out there that share their recipes i don't need to go to class.
although if you, not sure who you is but maybe you will know who you are, want to surprise me. cooking lessons would be what i would get me. i don't when i would ever have the time to go to them, but i would adore you forever. if you decided to take them with me that would be even better.
i like to make food from scratch. i don't like processed, boxed up food that you just mix and heat. i am definitely not criticizing you folks who cook this way, i just like to get my hands in the mess and prefer to cook from scratch. yes, this does take more time and little more planning, but i think that it better for myself and my kids. i know exactly what is in our food and can control the amount of fillers we are ingesting.
so i have been addicted to pinterest. there is a food section and my mouth waters as i repin countless recipes i want to try. i may not get to all of them, but i am making a concerted effort to try at least one a week. this seems a little overwhelming, but i am going to give it a go. last week i made two new things; slow cooker ranch style pork chops and parmesan mashed potatoes
i didn't have pork chops, so i used a pork roast instead. same idea, tasted fantastic. i had an extra eater, my mom and we ate it all up. even the potatoes were fantastic and i am not a huge potato fan. the other thing i made was some rolls from scratch. i got that recipe out of the paper about a month ago. they were really good and the whole batch disappeared from my table. Peyton made little sandwiches with her roast, potatoes a little gravy and the rolls. yummmm....
i have printed several recipes that i would like to give a shot in the next week or so;
mexican lime chicken soup my kids are not big soup fans so i am not sure how this will go over, but it sounds delish.
oven baked garlic parmesan fries not a huge fan of potatoes but i think these sounds so yummy...panko, parmesan, garlic, olive oil and parsley. what's not to love? i have potatoes waiting to be used... well potato meet your destiny.
spinach fettuccine might have a hard time squeaking the spinach past my ratchets, but i think if they closed their eyes they might be surprised. maybe the bacon will convince them to try it?
crockpot chicken and dumplings i have been in the mood for some good old fashion comfort food. you really don't get much more comfort than chicken and dumplings. if i can do this in my crockpot while i am at work, yahoo!!
slow cooker french dips when i go to a restaurant for lunch i almost always get a french dip. i love french dips, we always have these on around halloween. my friend bethy has a really nummy recipe but it has pepperoccinis in it and i think this one might be better suited to my kiddos.
bacon ranch chicken i have definitely been on a bacon ranch kick; pull apart bread, potatoes, but seriously those two ingredients go with anything. my daughter claims she can't chew chicken...she masticates her chicken into a paste...eww! i wouldn't want to swallow that either. i am hoping that the bacon and ranch will encourage her to chew a few times and then swallow.
our dinner table almost always has some delicious feast waiting to be consumed. if you are in the area stop by, there is always more than what my kiddos and i can eat. see you soon!
82 reasons...
12:01 on a monday morning in october.
i am awake in my bed, impatiently awaiting sleep. i have been lying here in the dark for the past couple of hours hoping that the dream fairy will come by, but she hasn't. i can't place my finger on the reason for my sleeplessness. i have a sneaky suspicion that it might be a compilation of several culprits.
one of those being that i am in that time of the year when my life turned around. if you read page one and page two, previous posts, you will know what i am referring to. maybe, just maybe my over active brain is refusing sleep because it is reliving those two days. it is difficult to look back on. i still find it strange that i, heather marie, lived that. i suppose instead of reliving it i should be focusing on how far i've come and grown, but as i am typing these words i am focusing on the events that occurred. are you thinking emotional cutter? you might be right this time. maybe to continue my growth i need to go further into day two...play out the rest of this day, three years ago?
i have typically liked this time of year. the colors, the smells, the corn mazes and pumpkins. i've never liked the actual dressing up in costume part, but the rest of october celebrations i have liked. since 2008 i seem to have subconsciously shied away, pulled back, and be reserved about the festivities that surround october. i pulled out our decorations, yes i am huge decorator of expertly executed paper crafts made by my children, and noticed that the dates on the back of the creations all said 2008. was that really the last time that we made crafts? did i invest the time in 2008 to distract my kids that their dad wasn't at home, the first time he physically wasn't home every day? we did make new crafts this year and i proudly displayed them. could this be a sign that i am truly finding peace? can i really place that much weight on a craft?
this day in 2008, was the longest day i have ever known or lived. long in the sense that i was awake for many hours. that my emotions were all over the map; fear, anxiety, disappointment, shame, love, gratitude...i am sure the list could continue, but i think you get the point. that i was the recipient of the greatest love and support i have ever known. that as one relationship was unraveling at lightening speed several were solidifying to concrete, secure and life long. the level of exhaustion that i endured that day was and still is mind blowing to me.
yes, i think this is one of the culprits that has robbed me of a sound nights sleep.
another being that it has been three years and i am alone in my bed. new bed i will have you, but nonetheless alone. there is no warm body next to me just a stack of books, a couple of notepads of varying sizes, two kinds of pens and my laptop. i have yet, this is not for a lack of trying, found another to fill the space next to me. there is a part of this revelation that terrifies me, will my bed always be empty? i don't want to settle, but am i being too picky? am i purposely choosing to invest time in fellas that will ultimately go nowhere because i am afraid of committing myself to someone else again? are you still thinking emotional cutter? well again, you might be right, this time.
in previous posts i have shared my dabbling in dating. although i can find humor in the process and hopefully relate it in an entertaining fashion, i wonder if i am being too picky? if i look back on things my disqualifiers seem to be superficial; too short, he wore a pink shirt with buttons, came on too strong, didn't like his voice, horrible teeth, ugly hair, seemed to care too much about possessions, weird outfit (dress shoes, jeans, short sleeve underarmour shirt...huh? why?), lives too far away, too put together, stuttered, too hairy, too many kids (if we got together i would be overwhelmed), too old. so these aren't from the same person, but really heather? i believe there was a friends episode and i want to say it was chandler who was dating and he had 82 reasons why the gal just wasn't the right gal. anyone see that? my sis or duedue would know exactly what i am referring to and who the actual character was, me not so much.
am i afraid because i thought i had it all figured out the first time around and it all fell apart? how is it that i could have spent all that time with an individual and been so wrong? is it possible to actually trust my instincts and my gut and be successful? i have bounced this idea off of my "morality barometer" (she knows who she is) and she has a very different take on my negative outlook. i wonder how she knows that? do i really view myself so differently from the people who know the true me?
yes, this is another culprit that is making my head spin and depriving me of sleep.
i feel fragile tonight. maybe you call it morning. whatever it is night...morning... the feeling is still the same; fragile, small, insignificant. there is a fair amount of fear and uncertainty surrounding me. it is unsettling. i don't like feeling this way, but i suppose we all have down days. hopefully i will wake refreshed even with fewer hours of rest.
good night.
Friday, October 21, 2011
flick...or tie them up...
do you discipline because you don't like your child's actions?
or
do you discipline because your child's action is wrong?
this was an interesting series of questions brought up by the pastor during my parenting class the other night. i have sat on this for a couple of days. reviewed my notes that i took during class. my notes after these two questions says there is a distinct difference. figure it out! on my paper it is underlined twice. since the questions haven't left my brain they must've made an impression.
like i said i think these are interesting questions. i think for myself i do both. i know there are times, sometimes more often than not, when i want the action to stop because i am flat out annoyed. when in reality my kids aren't doing anything dangerous or naughty i am just at the end of my rope for the day. maybe i am having my womanly cycle (ladies i know we don't like this thrown in our faces, but listen i am definitely affected by it and my patience, tolerance, what-have-you is less for that week.), maybe i didn't sleep well the night before, maybe i just have a lot of adult issues swirling in my head that are taxing me. who knows what the reason might be, but i know that my patience level isn't always stellar.
when my kids are being disrespectful, purposefully naughty or partaking in a dangerous activity then their behavior warrants discipline. the question that keeps getting brought up during class is when will we learn about acceptable Christian forms of discipline? i haven't read that far into the book yet, but i might have some issues with what is said. i am only speculating but there are many forms of discipline that i just don't agree with and have never used. i will give you some background about why...
i have shared some of this before and many of you already know this. my son has a disorder. upon discovery i jumped in with two feet and got him all the help that was available. i also read everything that was available to me. i am forever indebted to the professionals who spent countless hours working with him and giving me tools and knowledge to help him. one of these professionals came to our house to do some specialized work with our family to teach us how to help him in his own environment. she made one of the most impactful statements regarding children that i have never forgotten and it is always in the forefront of my brain.
it had to do with behavior. not specific to the type of disorder my son has, but behavior of all children. spefically in regards to impulse versus logic. basically she said that children are impulsive. they live on a sliding scale with impulsivity at one end and logic at the other. as they age and mature they slide farther away from impulsive moving towards logic. so while they are toddlers they are almost all impulse. although you may have told them the expectation and the rule a thousand times, they lack the maturity to logically navigate their world. now fast forward to teen years and our children have slid past the half way mark on their way towards logic first then impulse. i don't have teens yet, but i am getting closer and i think it will be hard to remember that their brains are still developing, and although they will have much more logical sense than they did as toddlers there is still a strong impulsivity to their decision making.
we have to keep in mind that there are plenty of adults that react to their world very impulsively, they do however have the maturity to logically process their world, they are just idiots. no i'm kidding. no i'm not. yes i am. i guess what i am getting at is that we, as parents, have high expectations that our young children should have the brain maturity to logically make good choices, because we have told them a thousand times and they should just know by now. i think either we forget or we just didn't realize that our expectation is beyond age appropriate decision making. however, with all that knowledge i know this, kids aren't stupid. they do what works. so finding that fine line can be challenging for parents.
ok i want to end this with a funny from class. before class started we, i will keep the ladies identity private but you should know there were three of us, were talking about a dinner incident:
child is drinking from their milk cup like a dog and licking the milk. here is the transaction between the mother and child.
mom 1: stop that!
child: still lapping milk
mom 1: stop that! followed by a flick to the head
child: still lapping milk
mom 1: stop it! followed by more flicking
child: still lapping milk
mom 1: then you don't get a drink, removes drink.
by now myself and mom 2 are laughing at the dinner fiasco. mom 2 says to mom 1, "i don't think that is how you dazzle your child through the love of Jesus." now all three of us are laughing like hyenas. mom 1 says, "this always happens. he is wiggly and disruptive and dinner is always a nightmare." i suggested that maybe the flicking isn't working and she should try tying him to his chair. again we are laughing like hyenas. the three of us decided that flicking is not dazzling, but tying them up is. as we were vocalizing our decision a parenting team came in. they both said, "we are flickers." this made us laugh hysterically. in all seriousness neither way is dazzling.
so i think recognizing that there is definitely a distinction between disciplining because we don't like it or because they are truly being naughty, will help me take a moment before blurting corrections. again i am just speculating, but maybe.
ok i want to end this with a funny from class. before class started we, i will keep the ladies identity private but you should know there were three of us, were talking about a dinner incident:
child is drinking from their milk cup like a dog and licking the milk. here is the transaction between the mother and child.
mom 1: stop that!
child: still lapping milk
mom 1: stop that! followed by a flick to the head
child: still lapping milk
mom 1: stop it! followed by more flicking
child: still lapping milk
mom 1: then you don't get a drink, removes drink.
by now myself and mom 2 are laughing at the dinner fiasco. mom 2 says to mom 1, "i don't think that is how you dazzle your child through the love of Jesus." now all three of us are laughing like hyenas. mom 1 says, "this always happens. he is wiggly and disruptive and dinner is always a nightmare." i suggested that maybe the flicking isn't working and she should try tying him to his chair. again we are laughing like hyenas. the three of us decided that flicking is not dazzling, but tying them up is. as we were vocalizing our decision a parenting team came in. they both said, "we are flickers." this made us laugh hysterically. in all seriousness neither way is dazzling.
so i think recognizing that there is definitely a distinction between disciplining because we don't like it or because they are truly being naughty, will help me take a moment before blurting corrections. again i am just speculating, but maybe.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
dazzle part deux...
it is the second week of my faith based parenting class. why must i put in "faith"? does parenting with an emphasis on the gospel change how one parents? am i seeking approval from my other faithful believers that i am being a good Christian? am i trying to show God, hey look at me i am trying to implement your teachings and spread your word to my children? answers: i don't know, yes, no, no.
it is interesting and somewhat uncomfortable to sit through this class. there a few father/mother parenting teams, the pastor, myself and a couple of others. it is a well attended class, however we can be very tight lipped in sharing our thoughts. in both sessions there have been several moments of awkward silence, where the pastor has asked a question and no one seems brave enough to answer. i know for myself, i am not one to have all eyes on me, i am not that versed in my faith, and i don't want to say the wrong answer so i don't answer. instead when a question is asked i avert my eyes and madly study the book for what i think the answer is.
i know i have said this before, but i think it is worth repeating. i grew up attending a traditional Lutheran church. i was baptized as an infant, i went to sunday school, i was involved in my churches youth program, i went through a condensed confirmation class. i say grace before dinner, but not other meals. i have grown up doing the "Christian thing", but i've never retained the teachings. i simply can't recall bible verses, can't recite scripture from memory, i still have to refer to my index to know where a certain book falls in the bible.
i've also never had the lingo. you won't catch me praising Jesus for nice weather, or safe travels to work, or for a streak of good luck. this is not to say that i don't privately thank Him for good things, but i certainly don't walk around touting my praise. when i do say things in Christian lingo it feels foreign in my mouth. when i am around someone who is so forthcoming i think they sound insincere. almost as if they are so over-the-top christian to prove that they do believe. i just don't think it is normal to always vocally bless those around you, unless you are a pastor, but even the religious leaders i have known don't speak this way in their everyday language. they have their preacher lingo and then their everyday shooting the breeze lingo.
so according to this class i am supposed to have a monologue with my children about acting more Christian-like. the book is a little unrealistic in the manner that conversation is supposed to happen. the opening paragraph has siblings pounding on each other and the mother does what i think most mother's initial reactions would be, "stop it! we don't beat each other up in our house!" if it were me i would shout, "enough!" i use that word a lot with my kids. well the authors of this book give an alternate version, where she is lecturing the kids on how Jesus would've dealt with the same scenario and why. the alternate version is half a page of text. during our first session there was conversation on how we felt that the authors didn't recognize who their target audience was.
so we went a little deeper into what this really looks like during the next class. what i took from it is that first we should follow God's Law do unto others as you would have done unto you followed by God's Gospel, the why behind the law. this makes more sense to me. when i analyze how i parent and the words i choose to use, i realize that i do preach God's Law, i just don't use the lingo. for me do unto others as you would have done unto you comes out as treat each other the way you want to be treated. the part that i am lacking, according to this book about how to dazzle my children through the love of Jesus, is why we should do this.
so as the kids and i were driving home from youth group/parenting class, i asked them some basic questions about the bible, going to church, if they wanted to hear more of the gospel in our home? nothing too deep, because i wouldn't know how to answer them. since i don't usually talk this way they both looked at me like i had fallen off my rocker, but they both wanted to know more. this is interesting and daunting to me. in order for me to educate them more i will first have to educate myself. oy!
"are you dazzled?" this question is answered with contorted faces and then uncontrollable laughter. i don't think i have dazzled them with the love of Jesus, but i do notice a difference in how i approach certain situations. i still holler, "enough!" i am constantly preaching "treat each other the way you want to be treated", "keep your hands to yourself", and "stop arguing". somehow i don't think that will ever change, i think it is ingrained in parents to attempt to keep the peace so we don't go bananas. perhaps in the next couple of sessions i will learn some new dazzling tools.
it is interesting and somewhat uncomfortable to sit through this class. there a few father/mother parenting teams, the pastor, myself and a couple of others. it is a well attended class, however we can be very tight lipped in sharing our thoughts. in both sessions there have been several moments of awkward silence, where the pastor has asked a question and no one seems brave enough to answer. i know for myself, i am not one to have all eyes on me, i am not that versed in my faith, and i don't want to say the wrong answer so i don't answer. instead when a question is asked i avert my eyes and madly study the book for what i think the answer is.
i know i have said this before, but i think it is worth repeating. i grew up attending a traditional Lutheran church. i was baptized as an infant, i went to sunday school, i was involved in my churches youth program, i went through a condensed confirmation class. i say grace before dinner, but not other meals. i have grown up doing the "Christian thing", but i've never retained the teachings. i simply can't recall bible verses, can't recite scripture from memory, i still have to refer to my index to know where a certain book falls in the bible.
i've also never had the lingo. you won't catch me praising Jesus for nice weather, or safe travels to work, or for a streak of good luck. this is not to say that i don't privately thank Him for good things, but i certainly don't walk around touting my praise. when i do say things in Christian lingo it feels foreign in my mouth. when i am around someone who is so forthcoming i think they sound insincere. almost as if they are so over-the-top christian to prove that they do believe. i just don't think it is normal to always vocally bless those around you, unless you are a pastor, but even the religious leaders i have known don't speak this way in their everyday language. they have their preacher lingo and then their everyday shooting the breeze lingo.
so according to this class i am supposed to have a monologue with my children about acting more Christian-like. the book is a little unrealistic in the manner that conversation is supposed to happen. the opening paragraph has siblings pounding on each other and the mother does what i think most mother's initial reactions would be, "stop it! we don't beat each other up in our house!" if it were me i would shout, "enough!" i use that word a lot with my kids. well the authors of this book give an alternate version, where she is lecturing the kids on how Jesus would've dealt with the same scenario and why. the alternate version is half a page of text. during our first session there was conversation on how we felt that the authors didn't recognize who their target audience was.
so we went a little deeper into what this really looks like during the next class. what i took from it is that first we should follow God's Law do unto others as you would have done unto you followed by God's Gospel, the why behind the law. this makes more sense to me. when i analyze how i parent and the words i choose to use, i realize that i do preach God's Law, i just don't use the lingo. for me do unto others as you would have done unto you comes out as treat each other the way you want to be treated. the part that i am lacking, according to this book about how to dazzle my children through the love of Jesus, is why we should do this.
so as the kids and i were driving home from youth group/parenting class, i asked them some basic questions about the bible, going to church, if they wanted to hear more of the gospel in our home? nothing too deep, because i wouldn't know how to answer them. since i don't usually talk this way they both looked at me like i had fallen off my rocker, but they both wanted to know more. this is interesting and daunting to me. in order for me to educate them more i will first have to educate myself. oy!
"are you dazzled?" this question is answered with contorted faces and then uncontrollable laughter. i don't think i have dazzled them with the love of Jesus, but i do notice a difference in how i approach certain situations. i still holler, "enough!" i am constantly preaching "treat each other the way you want to be treated", "keep your hands to yourself", and "stop arguing". somehow i don't think that will ever change, i think it is ingrained in parents to attempt to keep the peace so we don't go bananas. perhaps in the next couple of sessions i will learn some new dazzling tools.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
i have a wedgie...
just kidding!
finding a title that is catchy, eludes to what might be in the post and isn't too salty is challenging. i often times leave my title for the end, trying to pull out a phrase from the text. there a times when i have a thought to expand on and i do a 180 midstream which changes what my original title would have been.
as you all know i am a huge reader. my love of reading started when i was very young. growing up our whole house shut down at 8:00pm. everyone was in their beds, lights out, no noise. we didn't have televisions in our rooms and this is before every human on earth possessed a cell phone. i did have a boom box, i never carried it on my shoulder, but music wasn't allowed after 8. it was against the rules to have our overhead lights on, but we could have a reading light or desk lamp on. being a typical young person, i didn't want to go to bed when my mom told me to, so i read. i know you are scoffing at my rebellion against the rules, because really, reading is not a serious crime. far less offensive then say sneaking out or running away or sassing my mom. i've never been a wave maker. as a youth i read almost every night at bedtime. i have continued that into adulthood.
i pick books solely on their title or the image on the cover. sometimes i just like the font the title was printed in or maybe the image reminds of a place i've been or want to go to, a person i know, or evokes a feeling that speaks to my soul. i never read the synopsis, every read is a complete surprise and a new adventure, just the way i like it. i have read some really interesting books, some really boring books, some that are written for someone much smarter than i, and some that i wish i had never picked out. picking a book by it's title is definitely a crap shoot, but to me it is worth it.
in the world of on-line dating a person's screen name is ultra intriguing to me. screen names remind me of tattoos. there is almost always a reason why someone chooses to permanently ink their bodies. sometimes it is sentimental, or inspirational, but almost always it is important to that person. screen names often reveal something unique and insightful about who that person is that they don't share in their bio.
for instance, i have a friend who's screen name is sasquatch with a two digit number after it. what do you think of when you read sasquatch? here is what i think:
1. a reference to really big feet.
2. has a secret fascination with the elusive big foot and goes on treks in the forest to find him.
3. has a personality that is bigger than life
well none of those are correct. the word sasquatch is in reference to a music festival that happens at the gorge. who knew? that answer didn't even make my top five ideas.
how about this one pragmatic with a two digit number after it. i got the pragmatic part dealing or concerned with facts or actual occurrences. i found this clever being a word nerd, but i couldn't for the life of me figure out the number reference. i knew it wasn't the year the person was born, hoping it wasn't a reference to the number of lovers he had had, and didn't think it was a reference to the amount of dogs he currently has, but i suppose one never knows. it was in fact a military reference. i found this interesting since there was no mention of a military background in his bio. ultimately this isn't someone i would ever pursue, but the screen name was clever.
my screen name is completely lame. for some reason i lack creativity when it comes to my personal information. i couldn't use something with Flo in it, everyone thinks i am referencing my monthly cycle, not really first impression material. i ended up using a combination of my first and last name with the year i was born. i told you it was lame. if you can think of a better one please let me know.
so, what's in a title? tons! sorry there is no reference to thongs or any other type of underwear that is hopelessly lodged in my butt, that was misleading, but maybe it caught your attention. it would've caught mine.
finding a title that is catchy, eludes to what might be in the post and isn't too salty is challenging. i often times leave my title for the end, trying to pull out a phrase from the text. there a times when i have a thought to expand on and i do a 180 midstream which changes what my original title would have been.
as you all know i am a huge reader. my love of reading started when i was very young. growing up our whole house shut down at 8:00pm. everyone was in their beds, lights out, no noise. we didn't have televisions in our rooms and this is before every human on earth possessed a cell phone. i did have a boom box, i never carried it on my shoulder, but music wasn't allowed after 8. it was against the rules to have our overhead lights on, but we could have a reading light or desk lamp on. being a typical young person, i didn't want to go to bed when my mom told me to, so i read. i know you are scoffing at my rebellion against the rules, because really, reading is not a serious crime. far less offensive then say sneaking out or running away or sassing my mom. i've never been a wave maker. as a youth i read almost every night at bedtime. i have continued that into adulthood.
i pick books solely on their title or the image on the cover. sometimes i just like the font the title was printed in or maybe the image reminds of a place i've been or want to go to, a person i know, or evokes a feeling that speaks to my soul. i never read the synopsis, every read is a complete surprise and a new adventure, just the way i like it. i have read some really interesting books, some really boring books, some that are written for someone much smarter than i, and some that i wish i had never picked out. picking a book by it's title is definitely a crap shoot, but to me it is worth it.
in the world of on-line dating a person's screen name is ultra intriguing to me. screen names remind me of tattoos. there is almost always a reason why someone chooses to permanently ink their bodies. sometimes it is sentimental, or inspirational, but almost always it is important to that person. screen names often reveal something unique and insightful about who that person is that they don't share in their bio.
for instance, i have a friend who's screen name is sasquatch with a two digit number after it. what do you think of when you read sasquatch? here is what i think:
1. a reference to really big feet.
2. has a secret fascination with the elusive big foot and goes on treks in the forest to find him.
3. has a personality that is bigger than life
well none of those are correct. the word sasquatch is in reference to a music festival that happens at the gorge. who knew? that answer didn't even make my top five ideas.
how about this one pragmatic with a two digit number after it. i got the pragmatic part dealing or concerned with facts or actual occurrences. i found this clever being a word nerd, but i couldn't for the life of me figure out the number reference. i knew it wasn't the year the person was born, hoping it wasn't a reference to the number of lovers he had had, and didn't think it was a reference to the amount of dogs he currently has, but i suppose one never knows. it was in fact a military reference. i found this interesting since there was no mention of a military background in his bio. ultimately this isn't someone i would ever pursue, but the screen name was clever.
my screen name is completely lame. for some reason i lack creativity when it comes to my personal information. i couldn't use something with Flo in it, everyone thinks i am referencing my monthly cycle, not really first impression material. i ended up using a combination of my first and last name with the year i was born. i told you it was lame. if you can think of a better one please let me know.
so, what's in a title? tons! sorry there is no reference to thongs or any other type of underwear that is hopelessly lodged in my butt, that was misleading, but maybe it caught your attention. it would've caught mine.
Monday, October 17, 2011
i am a looky loo...
do you ever wonder where the car next to you on the freeway is headed? i do. i almost always look at the driver of the car next to me and then wonder where are you going? who are you? what is your story? does anyone else do this? maybe i am the only nut job that is that curious about the humans around me?
i am a pretty care free driver. i tend to pick a lane, crank the tunes, and travel. i usually give myself plenty of time so i'm not in a hurry. yet there are those drivers that think they are in a nascar race. you know the ones...you see them in your rear view mirror weaving in and out of the lanes, traveling much faster than everyone else. then they pass you. if you blink you will miss them completely. i really want to know where these folks are headed. are they late? do they always drive this way? could they really be a race car driver?
i always have music on in my car. sometimes i sing to the radio. i listen to 103.7 The Mountain faithfully. i have a three disc changer, today it has Adele, Eric Hutchison and Selena Gomez. ok, you can stop laughing at the last one, that is my daughter's cd, although i do know all the words. i also have my phone with 1022 of my favorite songs. well maybe they aren't all my favorites, but you know what i mean.
this afternoon, i was leaving work going to pick up my kiddos from school. i was waiting to get on the freeway, singing of course. there was a pick up truck in front of me. i opened my eyes (yes i close my eyes when i am belting out those high notes) and saw the fella in the pick up truck watching me in his rear view mirror. when i made eye contact with him he flashed me a pearly white smile, a smile almost as big as mine, this is hard to do. i of course smiled right back.
well off we go, me and my tunes and mr. pick up truck. for some reason, i can't get away from my new friend on the freeway. i stay in my lane, the middle lane, but he is everywhere. in front of me, behind me, in the fast lane, and the slow lane. what in the world? every time he passes he smiles and friendly silly me, i smile back. wouldn't you know we get off at the same exit, he is directly in front of me. i thought to myself he is going to think i am following him. we end up at the same stop light side by side.
oh geez, what am i supposed to do now? just in case you are wondering, he is a nice looking man. probably similar in age. i did notice when he was in the slow lane there wasn't a ring or a "white" line on his ring finger. oh come on, i am single gal we look for these things. oh and he seems to be local we did get off at the same exit. but i am still at what am i supposed to do now? keep singing? roll down my window and say hi? pull out my "homeless sign" with my phone number on it and smash it against my window? ok i don't really have one of those, but it might be a good idea.
this whole scenario reminds of a song. Meantime Girl by Jaron and the Long Road to Love. the purchase of this cd was a complete impulse buy. i had no idea what genre of music i was buying, but the fella on the cover was just so cute. i was hoping there was a poster inside that i could tack to my wall. it brought me back to my teen magazine days. turns out this is a country artist, the cd isn't too bad. i've listened to it enough to know all the words and well he is still cute!
back to my dilemma. i didn't roll down my window even though his was rolled down. i didn't hold up my sign this was just an idea. i kept singing. i did make eye contact, flashed my over the gum forced smile and waved. that was the best i could come up with. i'm not so good on the fly.
now that you know that i am a looky loo and that i am curious about all the drivers around me, if you see me on the road please wave. i will have already spotted you. i will have already come up with my own scenario of what you are up to. i will most definitely be singing and i will flash you a big ol cheesy grin. oh and if you know any good tips on how to flirt with a cute fella while driving please pass them on, apparently i need help.
i am a pretty care free driver. i tend to pick a lane, crank the tunes, and travel. i usually give myself plenty of time so i'm not in a hurry. yet there are those drivers that think they are in a nascar race. you know the ones...you see them in your rear view mirror weaving in and out of the lanes, traveling much faster than everyone else. then they pass you. if you blink you will miss them completely. i really want to know where these folks are headed. are they late? do they always drive this way? could they really be a race car driver?
i always have music on in my car. sometimes i sing to the radio. i listen to 103.7 The Mountain faithfully. i have a three disc changer, today it has Adele, Eric Hutchison and Selena Gomez. ok, you can stop laughing at the last one, that is my daughter's cd, although i do know all the words. i also have my phone with 1022 of my favorite songs. well maybe they aren't all my favorites, but you know what i mean.
this afternoon, i was leaving work going to pick up my kiddos from school. i was waiting to get on the freeway, singing of course. there was a pick up truck in front of me. i opened my eyes (yes i close my eyes when i am belting out those high notes) and saw the fella in the pick up truck watching me in his rear view mirror. when i made eye contact with him he flashed me a pearly white smile, a smile almost as big as mine, this is hard to do. i of course smiled right back.
well off we go, me and my tunes and mr. pick up truck. for some reason, i can't get away from my new friend on the freeway. i stay in my lane, the middle lane, but he is everywhere. in front of me, behind me, in the fast lane, and the slow lane. what in the world? every time he passes he smiles and friendly silly me, i smile back. wouldn't you know we get off at the same exit, he is directly in front of me. i thought to myself he is going to think i am following him. we end up at the same stop light side by side.
oh geez, what am i supposed to do now? just in case you are wondering, he is a nice looking man. probably similar in age. i did notice when he was in the slow lane there wasn't a ring or a "white" line on his ring finger. oh come on, i am single gal we look for these things. oh and he seems to be local we did get off at the same exit. but i am still at what am i supposed to do now? keep singing? roll down my window and say hi? pull out my "homeless sign" with my phone number on it and smash it against my window? ok i don't really have one of those, but it might be a good idea.
this whole scenario reminds of a song. Meantime Girl by Jaron and the Long Road to Love. the purchase of this cd was a complete impulse buy. i had no idea what genre of music i was buying, but the fella on the cover was just so cute. i was hoping there was a poster inside that i could tack to my wall. it brought me back to my teen magazine days. turns out this is a country artist, the cd isn't too bad. i've listened to it enough to know all the words and well he is still cute!
back to my dilemma. i didn't roll down my window even though his was rolled down. i didn't hold up my sign this was just an idea. i kept singing. i did make eye contact, flashed my over the gum forced smile and waved. that was the best i could come up with. i'm not so good on the fly.
now that you know that i am a looky loo and that i am curious about all the drivers around me, if you see me on the road please wave. i will have already spotted you. i will have already come up with my own scenario of what you are up to. i will most definitely be singing and i will flash you a big ol cheesy grin. oh and if you know any good tips on how to flirt with a cute fella while driving please pass them on, apparently i need help.
bacon nirvana....
there are some things in life that bring me sheer joy. one of those things is bacon. there is this huge craze right now surrounding bacon. there is bacon flavored everything...vodka to bubble gum. i haven't jumped on this bandwagon yet. i am a pretty simple girl in regards to the fact that i like food in its original form. i don't need bacon flavored anything, just give me the real deal. don't even get me started on turkey bacon. i have one statement to make about it, trying to make a turkey be a pig is just wrong! so over the weekend i indulged myself in bacon nirvana. we will get to it in a moment.
i am a recipe junkie. i drool and dream over the recipes i gather but rarely make them. there are so many reasons why i don't usually make them, but that is irrelevant to this story. i have many cookbooks, binders full of recipes, photocopies and scraps of paper stuck to my refrigerator. food is one of those things that satisfies my senses. recipes are organized in a fashion with a start and a finish, there aren't gray areas in recipes. all of those factors bring me a feeling of calmness. strange i know, but we all have our vices.
a couple of weeks i was on pinterest and stumbled upon this recipe. side note - if you don't know what pinterest is, google it, peruse it, fall in love with it. anyway, i've been waiting for a reason to make this heavenly recipe. i needed a group of eaters. i knew i would eat the whole darn thing by myself in a single setting and that would be bad. bad because i know exactly where my food resides. i am not sure how this happens, because i have a stomach, but all the really tasty food that is super unhealthy for you, bypasses my stomach and takes residence in my butt and thighs. grrr...
before we get to the recipe and your next favorite appetizer to bring, i want to share a bacon story. every couple of years this story gets told. sometimes stories morph into outrageous tales, but this one started off so silly that it hasn't needed any embellishment. i have always loved bacon. my sister not so much. this story takes place at my dad's house when we were kids, elementary school age kids. it was breakfast and dad made bacon and eggs, he still makes this for himself on the weekend. i devoured my bacon. my sis shoved hers in her mouth and excused herself from the table. next thing we hear is the toilet flushing. whoosh! whoosh! whoosh! dad goes to the door, "everything okay in there?" a small "yep" comes from the other side of the door. a couple more whooshes and my dad goes in. there is my sister flushing the toilet willing her bacon to swept away in the whirlpool of water. I am horrified at the waste of good bacon, my dad was upset about the sneaky lying aspect and my sis well she was just mortified for being caught. for some reason bacon doesn't flush gets said every couple of years and we retell story and giggle at the foolishness of it.
alright i have stalled long enough. are you ready for the recipe? it is 5 simple ingredients. cheddar, bacon, butter, dry ranch dressing and bread. oh yes folks this is cheddar bacon ranch pull apart bread. so delish!
1 unsliced loaf of (round is preferable) sourdough bread
8-12 oz cheddar cheese, thinly sliced
3 oz bag Oscar Mayer Real Bacon bits
1/2 cup butter, melted
1 Tbsp Ranch dressing mix
Using a sharp bread knife cut the bread going both directions. Do not cut through the bottom crust. Place slices of cheese in between cuts. Sprinkle bacon bits on bread, making sure to get in between cuts. Mix together butter and Ranch dressing mix. Pour over bread. Wrap in foil the entire loaf in foil and place on a baking sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. Unwrap. Bake for an additional 10 minutes, or until cheese is melted.
http://www.plainchicken.com/ this is a fabulous site with the yummiest food! so i fried up some bacon and crumbled it, used the tillamook sliced cheddar cut in half (they fit perfectly in the slots), and i had uncle dan's ranch mix on hand. i can't even tell you how awesome this is! on the http://www.plainchicken.com/ site the chef, steph, has dubbed this crack, she isn't kidding.
so there you go, bacon nirvana! please do not ruin this recipe with turkey bacon or bacon flavored bits and make sure you have extra eaters around. last but not least enjoy!
i am a recipe junkie. i drool and dream over the recipes i gather but rarely make them. there are so many reasons why i don't usually make them, but that is irrelevant to this story. i have many cookbooks, binders full of recipes, photocopies and scraps of paper stuck to my refrigerator. food is one of those things that satisfies my senses. recipes are organized in a fashion with a start and a finish, there aren't gray areas in recipes. all of those factors bring me a feeling of calmness. strange i know, but we all have our vices.
a couple of weeks i was on pinterest and stumbled upon this recipe. side note - if you don't know what pinterest is, google it, peruse it, fall in love with it. anyway, i've been waiting for a reason to make this heavenly recipe. i needed a group of eaters. i knew i would eat the whole darn thing by myself in a single setting and that would be bad. bad because i know exactly where my food resides. i am not sure how this happens, because i have a stomach, but all the really tasty food that is super unhealthy for you, bypasses my stomach and takes residence in my butt and thighs. grrr...
before we get to the recipe and your next favorite appetizer to bring, i want to share a bacon story. every couple of years this story gets told. sometimes stories morph into outrageous tales, but this one started off so silly that it hasn't needed any embellishment. i have always loved bacon. my sister not so much. this story takes place at my dad's house when we were kids, elementary school age kids. it was breakfast and dad made bacon and eggs, he still makes this for himself on the weekend. i devoured my bacon. my sis shoved hers in her mouth and excused herself from the table. next thing we hear is the toilet flushing. whoosh! whoosh! whoosh! dad goes to the door, "everything okay in there?" a small "yep" comes from the other side of the door. a couple more whooshes and my dad goes in. there is my sister flushing the toilet willing her bacon to swept away in the whirlpool of water. I am horrified at the waste of good bacon, my dad was upset about the sneaky lying aspect and my sis well she was just mortified for being caught. for some reason bacon doesn't flush gets said every couple of years and we retell story and giggle at the foolishness of it.
alright i have stalled long enough. are you ready for the recipe? it is 5 simple ingredients. cheddar, bacon, butter, dry ranch dressing and bread. oh yes folks this is cheddar bacon ranch pull apart bread. so delish!
1 unsliced loaf of (round is preferable) sourdough bread
8-12 oz cheddar cheese, thinly sliced
3 oz bag Oscar Mayer Real Bacon bits
1/2 cup butter, melted
1 Tbsp Ranch dressing mix
Using a sharp bread knife cut the bread going both directions. Do not cut through the bottom crust. Place slices of cheese in between cuts. Sprinkle bacon bits on bread, making sure to get in between cuts. Mix together butter and Ranch dressing mix. Pour over bread. Wrap in foil the entire loaf in foil and place on a baking sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. Unwrap. Bake for an additional 10 minutes, or until cheese is melted.
http://www.plainchicken.com/ this is a fabulous site with the yummiest food! so i fried up some bacon and crumbled it, used the tillamook sliced cheddar cut in half (they fit perfectly in the slots), and i had uncle dan's ranch mix on hand. i can't even tell you how awesome this is! on the http://www.plainchicken.com/ site the chef, steph, has dubbed this crack, she isn't kidding.
so there you go, bacon nirvana! please do not ruin this recipe with turkey bacon or bacon flavored bits and make sure you have extra eaters around. last but not least enjoy!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
a quick bleed...
sometimes i get roped into things that i never had intentions of participating in. donating blood at school is one of those things. i am definitely not against donating blood, i don't seem to ever find the time to do it. i know, it took all of about 20 minutes, but i will tell you being a single mamma an extra 20 minutes is like an extra 20 hours.
so here is the scenario:
thursday afternoon about 3:15pm. i pull into the parking lot at school and approach a group of my lady friends, when i am asked, "heather are you going to donate blood?" i have a few questions, do i have time before school gets out and where is it? so i am shuffled off to the bloodmobile. since i am coming straight from work i am in my work attire (suede skirt, heels, tights, blouse, sweater), this is important to the story.
i enter the bloodmobile and sit next to a husband and wife couple who have also been roped into donating blood. the head guy asks me if i have ever donated blood before. i tell him "no. i tried in high school but i didn't weigh enough." you can barf at me now, but i've never had an eating disorder i am just not a very big person. anyway, they can't find me so i have to start from scratch.
name
birthdate
sex
the basics. then they give me this electronic notepad with a series of questions. most of them are pretty straight forward, any of the following obscure disorders/diseases? probably not since i have no idea how to pronounce them. been out of the country in the last 12 months? no, i wish i could elaborate...i am a poor divorced woman you think i can afford to take a trip out of the country? but you can't it is just yes or no. then the questions get a little funny. have you been in contact with a prostitute in the last 12 months? yes, but only for coffee. (thank you michelle h. funny answer) have you had sex with a man who has sex with a man in the last 12 months? well i am not sure, and really would he have told me if he had?
these questions kind of made me giggle. funny thing is i was chatting with some other folks about the questions and there were some good points made. let's say you are dying and need some blood. if you don't get the blood your death is eminent. if you had the choice between getting infected blood and living for who knows how long or dying because the only blood available was infected what would you choose? i am thinking i would choose the infected blood. just something to ponder....
so back to my experience. i have filled out my paperwork and getting ready to donate blood. i get all settled on my table, note to self suede and vinyl don't mix well you just stick there is no sliding onto the table gracefully, when the parent next to me asks if i can give his keys to his wife so she can get their kids together. sure... unpeel myself from the table and get to the door... this is where typical flo comes in.
scenario: bloodmobile is essentially a motor home. there are about 4 steps out the rig. bloodmobile is parked at school and it is dismissal so there are loads of people around.
i walk down the first 2 steps, open the door and the weight of the door pulls me right out of the bloodmobile. as i am falling to the concrete below, the organizer of the blood drive and a woman i have known for five years catches me. i go crashing into her bosom. you know in cartoons when the face is smashed against a window, yeah that was my face in her chest. if i had to choose a chest i did well, nice and cushiony, whereas if you fell into my chest you might as well hit the pavement there is absolutely no cushion there.
i have not given blood yet! most people reserve the woozy falling stuff for after the donation, not me. i fell out of the bloodmobile prior to donating my blood. only flo. the rest of my experience was pretty uneventful. i didn't pass out, get dizzy or fall off the table....success!
so here is the scenario:
thursday afternoon about 3:15pm. i pull into the parking lot at school and approach a group of my lady friends, when i am asked, "heather are you going to donate blood?" i have a few questions, do i have time before school gets out and where is it? so i am shuffled off to the bloodmobile. since i am coming straight from work i am in my work attire (suede skirt, heels, tights, blouse, sweater), this is important to the story.
i enter the bloodmobile and sit next to a husband and wife couple who have also been roped into donating blood. the head guy asks me if i have ever donated blood before. i tell him "no. i tried in high school but i didn't weigh enough." you can barf at me now, but i've never had an eating disorder i am just not a very big person. anyway, they can't find me so i have to start from scratch.
name
birthdate
sex
the basics. then they give me this electronic notepad with a series of questions. most of them are pretty straight forward, any of the following obscure disorders/diseases? probably not since i have no idea how to pronounce them. been out of the country in the last 12 months? no, i wish i could elaborate...i am a poor divorced woman you think i can afford to take a trip out of the country? but you can't it is just yes or no. then the questions get a little funny. have you been in contact with a prostitute in the last 12 months? yes, but only for coffee. (thank you michelle h. funny answer) have you had sex with a man who has sex with a man in the last 12 months? well i am not sure, and really would he have told me if he had?
these questions kind of made me giggle. funny thing is i was chatting with some other folks about the questions and there were some good points made. let's say you are dying and need some blood. if you don't get the blood your death is eminent. if you had the choice between getting infected blood and living for who knows how long or dying because the only blood available was infected what would you choose? i am thinking i would choose the infected blood. just something to ponder....
so back to my experience. i have filled out my paperwork and getting ready to donate blood. i get all settled on my table, note to self suede and vinyl don't mix well you just stick there is no sliding onto the table gracefully, when the parent next to me asks if i can give his keys to his wife so she can get their kids together. sure... unpeel myself from the table and get to the door... this is where typical flo comes in.
scenario: bloodmobile is essentially a motor home. there are about 4 steps out the rig. bloodmobile is parked at school and it is dismissal so there are loads of people around.
i walk down the first 2 steps, open the door and the weight of the door pulls me right out of the bloodmobile. as i am falling to the concrete below, the organizer of the blood drive and a woman i have known for five years catches me. i go crashing into her bosom. you know in cartoons when the face is smashed against a window, yeah that was my face in her chest. if i had to choose a chest i did well, nice and cushiony, whereas if you fell into my chest you might as well hit the pavement there is absolutely no cushion there.
i have not given blood yet! most people reserve the woozy falling stuff for after the donation, not me. i fell out of the bloodmobile prior to donating my blood. only flo. the rest of my experience was pretty uneventful. i didn't pass out, get dizzy or fall off the table....success!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
dazzle...
being a word junkie, i am always looking for new words to say. synonyms for my high frequency words because let's face it even i get tired of hearing myself repeat the same words over and over again. a writer friend of mine uses post it notes when reading to keep track of interesting new words to use in her own writing. i love this idea and may have to steal it. so here we are with my new favorite word....dazzle.
according to dictionary.com dazzle can be used in two ways, but in both versions dazzle is still a verb.
used with object
1. to overpower or dim the vision of by intense light.
2. to impress deeply; astonish with delight
used without object
3. to shine or reflect brilliantly
4. to be overpowered by light
5. to excite admiration by brilliance
okay so now that we know all the ways to use it and all of its definitions i will fill you in on why dazzle is my new favorite word. it all started with a text message
Beth: so i am taking a 5 week parenting class at church during champs...interested?
Me: yes!!
overall, i think i do a pretty good job of raising my ratchets, but there is always room for improvement. to be able to sit in a small group and learn some new ideas/strategies and converse with other parents who may be having some similar issues, well this sounds fabulous to me. so i went to my first class last night. the name of the book the class is based on is: Give them Grace; Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus.
i am a believer of God. i do attend church on a somewhat regular basis. i would call myself a Christian. but...i don't use scripture in my daily life, i don't read bible stories my kids often, i can't say that i have ever said to them "be good God is watching you." i read the name of the book and instantly thought, "crap, how in the world am i going to be able to dazzle my kids with the love of Jesus when i never parent in this manner?" i glanced over at beth with the "what have you gotten me into this time?" look. i don't think she noticed my fear.
the other thought that went through my head is, "do i want to be that parent?" even typing the words makes me feel shameful. i am a person who believes that a relationship with God is personal and doesn't have to be shared to prove that you are faithful. so how am i going to pull this off without feeling like i am being a person who is pushing my belief on someone else, even my children? i guess i am going to learn.
after an interesting class i gathered my kiddos and we get in the car. P instantly turns to me and says, "well, what did you learn?" jokingly i say, "that you are a horrible kid and never listen" she says, "wow! nice class you are taking mom." i look at both my kids and say, "watch out your mamma is going to dazzle you." they both looked at me with very confused looks on their faces, then started giggling. i love that have a sense of humor and get my sarcasm.
little do they know i am going to learn how to dazzle them. it may not be with love of Jesus although i am going to read my book, do my homework and hopefully add some new skills to my parenting repertoire. i may end up only dazzling them with the fact that i love them with everything i have and shower them in it daily. that doesn't sound too bad to me.
according to dictionary.com dazzle can be used in two ways, but in both versions dazzle is still a verb.
used with object
1. to overpower or dim the vision of by intense light.
2. to impress deeply; astonish with delight
used without object
3. to shine or reflect brilliantly
4. to be overpowered by light
5. to excite admiration by brilliance
okay so now that we know all the ways to use it and all of its definitions i will fill you in on why dazzle is my new favorite word. it all started with a text message
Beth: so i am taking a 5 week parenting class at church during champs...interested?
Me: yes!!
overall, i think i do a pretty good job of raising my ratchets, but there is always room for improvement. to be able to sit in a small group and learn some new ideas/strategies and converse with other parents who may be having some similar issues, well this sounds fabulous to me. so i went to my first class last night. the name of the book the class is based on is: Give them Grace; Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus.
i am a believer of God. i do attend church on a somewhat regular basis. i would call myself a Christian. but...i don't use scripture in my daily life, i don't read bible stories my kids often, i can't say that i have ever said to them "be good God is watching you." i read the name of the book and instantly thought, "crap, how in the world am i going to be able to dazzle my kids with the love of Jesus when i never parent in this manner?" i glanced over at beth with the "what have you gotten me into this time?" look. i don't think she noticed my fear.
the other thought that went through my head is, "do i want to be that parent?" even typing the words makes me feel shameful. i am a person who believes that a relationship with God is personal and doesn't have to be shared to prove that you are faithful. so how am i going to pull this off without feeling like i am being a person who is pushing my belief on someone else, even my children? i guess i am going to learn.
after an interesting class i gathered my kiddos and we get in the car. P instantly turns to me and says, "well, what did you learn?" jokingly i say, "that you are a horrible kid and never listen" she says, "wow! nice class you are taking mom." i look at both my kids and say, "watch out your mamma is going to dazzle you." they both looked at me with very confused looks on their faces, then started giggling. i love that have a sense of humor and get my sarcasm.
little do they know i am going to learn how to dazzle them. it may not be with love of Jesus although i am going to read my book, do my homework and hopefully add some new skills to my parenting repertoire. i may end up only dazzling them with the fact that i love them with everything i have and shower them in it daily. that doesn't sound too bad to me.
just a toiletry bag please....
you know that individual at the airport who checks two oversized, overweight bags and doesn't mind paying the fee for the poundage? and that same person has a carry on bag that barely fits in the overhead compartment. maybe, just maybe that person should reduce their load. i'm thinking that there is a less impactful way to travel.
if you are friend of mine, a reader of my blog, or even a stranger that i have just been introduced to you will know quickly that i am on a quest.
not for the fountain of youth, although slowing the aging process would be nice. to be able to keep the boobs from their desire to kiss my belly button. to stave off the wrinkles on my face. to be able to eat whatever and not watch it migrate to my thighs. to reduce the amount of times i get hemorrhoids. to not have to pluck out the random hair on my chin. yeah all of that would be nice to postpone a little longer, but really i am okay with getting older.
not for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but can you imagine if you found it? to be able to follow that rainbow and find a pot of gold. totally awesome! oh yes i did just digress to being a 16 year old punk. what would you do with a pot of gold? i'm not sure what i would do besides kiss the leprechaun and do a happy jig, but i am sure i would come up with something fabulous to do with my gold.
i am on a quest for love. i just want a nice man, a local man, a good honest man. this doesn't seem like it should be so hard to find, but i am telling you it is a challenge. now before you men freak out, i have met many nice men. in fact really nice men, but to my knowledge not the exact one. here is the deal, for round two i am not going to settle and i refuse to get divorced again. if that means that i have to be single for the next 5, 10, 30 (it better not take that long) years then so be it.
i wrote a post earlier this year about my baggage and that by the same time the next year i would be down a bag. good news...i am still on track. i have grown so much as a human in the past year, done a lot of healing, and have had far more fabulous days than crummy days. i am running into a problem and this is why i am still on the quest...the excess baggage is finding me, not mine other people's baggage.
now i understand that as we grow up we are unconsciously creating a past. our pasts help shape us in positive and negative ways, but does it have to be the forefront of who we are? i am thinking not. my relationship history occasionally complicates things and is possibly lengthening my quest, but i don't feel my past defines me. here is that baggage i am talking about. if your baggage is defining you it is time to make a change and reduce the load.
so in addition to nice, local, good and honest please please only need a toiletry bag to carry your past issues.
if you are friend of mine, a reader of my blog, or even a stranger that i have just been introduced to you will know quickly that i am on a quest.
not for the fountain of youth, although slowing the aging process would be nice. to be able to keep the boobs from their desire to kiss my belly button. to stave off the wrinkles on my face. to be able to eat whatever and not watch it migrate to my thighs. to reduce the amount of times i get hemorrhoids. to not have to pluck out the random hair on my chin. yeah all of that would be nice to postpone a little longer, but really i am okay with getting older.
not for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but can you imagine if you found it? to be able to follow that rainbow and find a pot of gold. totally awesome! oh yes i did just digress to being a 16 year old punk. what would you do with a pot of gold? i'm not sure what i would do besides kiss the leprechaun and do a happy jig, but i am sure i would come up with something fabulous to do with my gold.
i am on a quest for love. i just want a nice man, a local man, a good honest man. this doesn't seem like it should be so hard to find, but i am telling you it is a challenge. now before you men freak out, i have met many nice men. in fact really nice men, but to my knowledge not the exact one. here is the deal, for round two i am not going to settle and i refuse to get divorced again. if that means that i have to be single for the next 5, 10, 30 (it better not take that long) years then so be it.
i wrote a post earlier this year about my baggage and that by the same time the next year i would be down a bag. good news...i am still on track. i have grown so much as a human in the past year, done a lot of healing, and have had far more fabulous days than crummy days. i am running into a problem and this is why i am still on the quest...the excess baggage is finding me, not mine other people's baggage.
now i understand that as we grow up we are unconsciously creating a past. our pasts help shape us in positive and negative ways, but does it have to be the forefront of who we are? i am thinking not. my relationship history occasionally complicates things and is possibly lengthening my quest, but i don't feel my past defines me. here is that baggage i am talking about. if your baggage is defining you it is time to make a change and reduce the load.
so in addition to nice, local, good and honest please please only need a toiletry bag to carry your past issues.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
trust your gut...
sometimes seeing someone for who they really are just doesn't work for me...
this was my facebook post this morning. i giggled when i read that a dear friend, an individual who has encouraged me to continue blogging and a human of immense knowledge and humor commented...i sense a blog post. my first thought was, am i really that predictable? oh, who am i kidding? of course i am. often times my posts and rants coincide. so here you go the rest of my thought process.
as i get older, we are not just talking years here rather every day, every minute, possibly every second, i learn something new about me or the people i choose to surround myself with. i don't always like what i learn and that is tough. instead of crumbling to pieces sulking at my stupidity or idiocy, i trudge forward praying that i am done with that lesson. i might need a reminder in the future but i don't want to have to relearn it, once is enough.
i have been at an intersection in my relationship, not sure if i should cross the street and plunge forward or stay on my side. there have been many things that have come up over the last several months that have had me questioning where, if anywhere, we are headed. what's interesting to me, is that i seem to be the last one to have realized the right choice. i know i wasn't the kid sitting in the corner with a "dunce" cap, but i swear i feel that way sometimes.
many times i was asked, "what does your gut say?" well crap, my gut told me, "don't eat, don't sleep, and be miserable for awhile. see how it goes." clearly i shouldn't always listen to my gut. well maybe i should say i should only listen to the see how it goes part. i don't make rash decisions very often, but the starvation, exhaustion and misery part i could skip.
so here i sit several months into my relationship. the once dreamy sunshines and rainbows have faded and we are left with real life. the masks are off and somehow the gloves are on. we have had some pretty serious conversations about some important possibly life altering issues. i haven't liked all the answers. i haven't liked all the problems. i haven't liked the feeling in my gut. my gut right now says, "i am not ready to make a bigger commitment."
this was my facebook post this morning. i giggled when i read that a dear friend, an individual who has encouraged me to continue blogging and a human of immense knowledge and humor commented...i sense a blog post. my first thought was, am i really that predictable? oh, who am i kidding? of course i am. often times my posts and rants coincide. so here you go the rest of my thought process.
as i get older, we are not just talking years here rather every day, every minute, possibly every second, i learn something new about me or the people i choose to surround myself with. i don't always like what i learn and that is tough. instead of crumbling to pieces sulking at my stupidity or idiocy, i trudge forward praying that i am done with that lesson. i might need a reminder in the future but i don't want to have to relearn it, once is enough.
i have been at an intersection in my relationship, not sure if i should cross the street and plunge forward or stay on my side. there have been many things that have come up over the last several months that have had me questioning where, if anywhere, we are headed. what's interesting to me, is that i seem to be the last one to have realized the right choice. i know i wasn't the kid sitting in the corner with a "dunce" cap, but i swear i feel that way sometimes.
many times i was asked, "what does your gut say?" well crap, my gut told me, "don't eat, don't sleep, and be miserable for awhile. see how it goes." clearly i shouldn't always listen to my gut. well maybe i should say i should only listen to the see how it goes part. i don't make rash decisions very often, but the starvation, exhaustion and misery part i could skip.
so here i sit several months into my relationship. the once dreamy sunshines and rainbows have faded and we are left with real life. the masks are off and somehow the gloves are on. we have had some pretty serious conversations about some important possibly life altering issues. i haven't liked all the answers. i haven't liked all the problems. i haven't liked the feeling in my gut. my gut right now says, "i am not ready to make a bigger commitment."
Friday, October 7, 2011
a quote to ponder...
because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have ~unknown
i love when i read something that strikes a chord within me. a collection of words that makes me stop, tilt my head to the right, furrow my brow and say to myself hmmmm... if i was a man and had a beard or goatee, i would probably bring my hands to my chin and stroke my chin in a very scholarly, contemplative way. if i wore glasses i might remove them from my face and chew on the end of the ear piece while i soaked in the words.
i have to throw out this little side note before delving into the reason behind my post today. if i was a man and was able to grow a nice looking beard or goatee, i would totally do it. why? just so i could stroke my chin. my dad does this. when he does this i think he looks so distinguished. i don't get the same effect when i do this. you really need to be a man to pull this off.
back to it....
i read this quote this morning. i have reread this set of words many times. i've said it out loud. i've mouthed it with no audible noise. i've read it fast, slow and somewhere in the middle. every time i read it i think of someone different in my life and what they bring to my life. you see i think love is expressed in many different forms and each person in my life shares a love with me.
this statement is a reminder of how selfish we are as humans. we crave and seek acceptance, love, and praise from the people we allow in our lives and even from the ones we haven't let in yet. the funny thing is, when a person shares their love and it doesn't feel the way we think it should, we get greedy. we complain and cry and even demand that it be different to satisfy our own need and desire. what the statement is telling me is that if someone shares their love it is what they have. nothing more. nothing less. receive and be grateful that love is being shared at all.
so why is this so hard to do?
from my children i expect that i am the center of their world and when someone else (especially their dad) replaces me, even for a fleeting second, it crushes me. i have celebrated every moment, nursed every wound, lifted them up when they crumble and laughed until we cried. it is unfair of me to be jealous of the unconditional love they show for their dad but i am. truth be told i feel i deserve their love more than he does. if i am to sit back and take a deep breath, i realize that just as i love both of my children with unwavering devotion, they have room in their hearts for both of us. their love for their dad doesn't mean they love me less.
there are people who have come and gone in my life. their presence may have been short but they gave me everything they had for the time they were present. i know this now, but didn't know this at the time. sometimes they come back and are able to give more than before. being open to that without reservation is difficult, something i have not even begun to master.
this statement of love has been on my brain all day. although i haven't been able to make sense of why i struggle with accepting the love that is given, i am going to try. not just to make sense of it, but to receive love in whatever form. because at the end of today i come to realize this...if someone is willing and trusting enough to share their love with me, i should be open and grateful to receive it without judgment.
i love when i read something that strikes a chord within me. a collection of words that makes me stop, tilt my head to the right, furrow my brow and say to myself hmmmm... if i was a man and had a beard or goatee, i would probably bring my hands to my chin and stroke my chin in a very scholarly, contemplative way. if i wore glasses i might remove them from my face and chew on the end of the ear piece while i soaked in the words.
i have to throw out this little side note before delving into the reason behind my post today. if i was a man and was able to grow a nice looking beard or goatee, i would totally do it. why? just so i could stroke my chin. my dad does this. when he does this i think he looks so distinguished. i don't get the same effect when i do this. you really need to be a man to pull this off.
back to it....
i read this quote this morning. i have reread this set of words many times. i've said it out loud. i've mouthed it with no audible noise. i've read it fast, slow and somewhere in the middle. every time i read it i think of someone different in my life and what they bring to my life. you see i think love is expressed in many different forms and each person in my life shares a love with me.
this statement is a reminder of how selfish we are as humans. we crave and seek acceptance, love, and praise from the people we allow in our lives and even from the ones we haven't let in yet. the funny thing is, when a person shares their love and it doesn't feel the way we think it should, we get greedy. we complain and cry and even demand that it be different to satisfy our own need and desire. what the statement is telling me is that if someone shares their love it is what they have. nothing more. nothing less. receive and be grateful that love is being shared at all.
so why is this so hard to do?
from my children i expect that i am the center of their world and when someone else (especially their dad) replaces me, even for a fleeting second, it crushes me. i have celebrated every moment, nursed every wound, lifted them up when they crumble and laughed until we cried. it is unfair of me to be jealous of the unconditional love they show for their dad but i am. truth be told i feel i deserve their love more than he does. if i am to sit back and take a deep breath, i realize that just as i love both of my children with unwavering devotion, they have room in their hearts for both of us. their love for their dad doesn't mean they love me less.
there are people who have come and gone in my life. their presence may have been short but they gave me everything they had for the time they were present. i know this now, but didn't know this at the time. sometimes they come back and are able to give more than before. being open to that without reservation is difficult, something i have not even begun to master.
this statement of love has been on my brain all day. although i haven't been able to make sense of why i struggle with accepting the love that is given, i am going to try. not just to make sense of it, but to receive love in whatever form. because at the end of today i come to realize this...if someone is willing and trusting enough to share their love with me, i should be open and grateful to receive it without judgment.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
a season change...
i have something to say. it may strike some nerves. it just might be unamerican. i might very well be in the minority, but i think there is a fair number of fellow humans that share my same sentiments. i am glad that summer is over. ha! there i said it. i am not ashamed of it and i will shout it from the rooftops if i have to, but i am glad that summer is over.
what?
why?
who says that?
who says something as crazy and off the wall as being glad summer is over? me that is who. i actually have several reasons, but first i want to say that there are many things that i absolutely adore about the summer.
1. the sun. that glowing yellow orb in the sky that us western washingtonians don't get enough of. i do love the sun. it turns my olive colored skin a beautiful brown. i know it isn't healthy but i really do love being tan. the colors of summer are breathtaking... the blues, greens, pinks and red, purples and violets...i love all the colors.
2. activities. camping, hiking, exploring our beautiful earth. most of us do this in warmer weather and go into hibernation mode during the colder weather. i tend to slim down in the summer months, yeah! which means i tend to pack on my "winter weight" in the cooler months, boo!
3. bbq. i don't own a grill so i have to rely on my friends for this wonderful summer delicacy. there are a fair number of folks who bbq all year round, but this is typically a warmer weather form of cooking. there is just something superb and satisfying about food cooked over a grill and eaten outside. it might be the fact that are typically less dishes, i really despise doing dishes, but whatever the reason i love bbq'd food.
those are my top three reasons. i am sure there are tons more, but these are the three that i can quickly think of. so why am i being such a summer hater? well this is very, very simple. summer for me is in one word...isolating. i go to work i come home. sure i spend it with my kids and i get together with friends for bbq's, but it isn't the same as the school year.
the school year starts and i feel like i can breathe. the coming of fall brings schedules, routines, homework, sports, seeing my friends and the kids friends on a regular basis, waiting in long lines to pick up my carpool. i love it. call me crazy, but since i am person that loves routine, the 32 different schedules to coordinate and make happen brings me a sense of purpose and accomplishment. in the summer there are just too many variables; no set plans except for me and work, no wake up time for the kids due to more lenient bedtimes. dinners happen when someone gets hungry. we randomly visit our friends and sometimes stay until past bedtime.
not only do i love all the chaos, but the end of summer means the beginning of my favorite season. i love fall. the changing of the leaves, the crisp cool days, being cozied up on the couch with my kiddos having a marathon movie day with comfort food, sweaters, tights, boots, scarfs....really what's not to love?
so there! i am glad that summer (the little summer we had) is over! bring on fall!!
what?
why?
who says that?
who says something as crazy and off the wall as being glad summer is over? me that is who. i actually have several reasons, but first i want to say that there are many things that i absolutely adore about the summer.
1. the sun. that glowing yellow orb in the sky that us western washingtonians don't get enough of. i do love the sun. it turns my olive colored skin a beautiful brown. i know it isn't healthy but i really do love being tan. the colors of summer are breathtaking... the blues, greens, pinks and red, purples and violets...i love all the colors.
2. activities. camping, hiking, exploring our beautiful earth. most of us do this in warmer weather and go into hibernation mode during the colder weather. i tend to slim down in the summer months, yeah! which means i tend to pack on my "winter weight" in the cooler months, boo!
3. bbq. i don't own a grill so i have to rely on my friends for this wonderful summer delicacy. there are a fair number of folks who bbq all year round, but this is typically a warmer weather form of cooking. there is just something superb and satisfying about food cooked over a grill and eaten outside. it might be the fact that are typically less dishes, i really despise doing dishes, but whatever the reason i love bbq'd food.
those are my top three reasons. i am sure there are tons more, but these are the three that i can quickly think of. so why am i being such a summer hater? well this is very, very simple. summer for me is in one word...isolating. i go to work i come home. sure i spend it with my kids and i get together with friends for bbq's, but it isn't the same as the school year.
the school year starts and i feel like i can breathe. the coming of fall brings schedules, routines, homework, sports, seeing my friends and the kids friends on a regular basis, waiting in long lines to pick up my carpool. i love it. call me crazy, but since i am person that loves routine, the 32 different schedules to coordinate and make happen brings me a sense of purpose and accomplishment. in the summer there are just too many variables; no set plans except for me and work, no wake up time for the kids due to more lenient bedtimes. dinners happen when someone gets hungry. we randomly visit our friends and sometimes stay until past bedtime.
not only do i love all the chaos, but the end of summer means the beginning of my favorite season. i love fall. the changing of the leaves, the crisp cool days, being cozied up on the couch with my kiddos having a marathon movie day with comfort food, sweaters, tights, boots, scarfs....really what's not to love?
so there! i am glad that summer (the little summer we had) is over! bring on fall!!
not the movie i want to star in....
if someone wants to be a part of your life, they'll make an effort to be in it. so don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay.
i received this in a text from a really good friend of mine the other day. it reminds of that movie "he's just not that into you" anyone see that movie? i watched it a couple of times. i went through a phase when i first started living on my own, where i watched romantic comedy after romantic comedy. i didn't watch this type of movie a whole lot when i was married, we usually watched an action film, so i was playing catch up. instead of enjoying the movies, i got really depressed, often finding myself sobbing saying out loud, "i want that!" after a handful of these romantic comedies i switched to documentaries. for the record this wasn't any better, eye opening but often times just as depressing if not more depressing because it is real life.
so during my time of self loathing i watched the named movie above a couple of times. there are times when i watch a movie and want that romantic ending. my knight in shining armor showing up on my doorstep to profess his undying love. this movie is not one you would want to find yourself in. it does end with the guy gets the girl and we are led to believe they live happily ever after, but she goes through a ton of shit to get there. time and time again she puts herself out there only to not be the one for that guy.
i feel her pain. i have found myself in this movie scenario before. talk about a blow to one's ego. i am not saying i am all that and a bag of chips and everyone should love me. i'm simply saying rejection or perceived rejection isn't fun.
so what am i really getting at? well, i have a question, maybe it is a couple of questions, but i need to put it out here so i can really wrap my head around the answer. how long should i keep the space in my heart available? is it possible to really fill that space with something or someone else? what if when i say enough is enough what i've been waiting for finally comes to fruition?
i received this in a text from a really good friend of mine the other day. it reminds of that movie "he's just not that into you" anyone see that movie? i watched it a couple of times. i went through a phase when i first started living on my own, where i watched romantic comedy after romantic comedy. i didn't watch this type of movie a whole lot when i was married, we usually watched an action film, so i was playing catch up. instead of enjoying the movies, i got really depressed, often finding myself sobbing saying out loud, "i want that!" after a handful of these romantic comedies i switched to documentaries. for the record this wasn't any better, eye opening but often times just as depressing if not more depressing because it is real life.
so during my time of self loathing i watched the named movie above a couple of times. there are times when i watch a movie and want that romantic ending. my knight in shining armor showing up on my doorstep to profess his undying love. this movie is not one you would want to find yourself in. it does end with the guy gets the girl and we are led to believe they live happily ever after, but she goes through a ton of shit to get there. time and time again she puts herself out there only to not be the one for that guy.
i feel her pain. i have found myself in this movie scenario before. talk about a blow to one's ego. i am not saying i am all that and a bag of chips and everyone should love me. i'm simply saying rejection or perceived rejection isn't fun.
so what am i really getting at? well, i have a question, maybe it is a couple of questions, but i need to put it out here so i can really wrap my head around the answer. how long should i keep the space in my heart available? is it possible to really fill that space with something or someone else? what if when i say enough is enough what i've been waiting for finally comes to fruition?
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