unnecessary words....

i read the following message on a friends facebook wall:
most of your words are unnecessary.  all too often you speak simply to fill the space with sound, because you feel uncomfortable with the silence.  but this silence is golden.  only in silence can a real prayer, a heart prayer be born.  next time you start chattering, step and feel into the silence, feel its shape, its texture, and then slowly say only what really has to be said.

this is something i am very guilty of.  i fill up page after endless page of words that have no meaning.  i am forever seeking the right combination of words to get my point across.  sometimes i am successful, but i feel that most of the time i leave myself more confused than when i started, which must mean that the person who is intended to receive my words is just as confused.  frankly that just stinks! 

when i am asked or told something (that i am uncomfortable answering or talking about), i immediately have words in my head to share. my first set of words is defensive and accusatory, which i try to keep in.  there usually isn't anything constructive that can come from these words.  bring on the next round of words, this set tends to be a little more tactful, but generally missing the meaning of what i am trying to say.  much to my dismay i usually spew out this set of words, which more than likely ends with me having to retract some of them and pass on the third round of words. 

although the second set has good points it is often said because the person i am speaking with is expecting an answer.  when i was married i would ask my spouse a question and he would just sit there.  i would look at him waiting for an answer.  most of the time he didn't even make eye contact with me.  then i would say did you hear me?  he would reply yeah, i just don't know what to say. which i would then say  well just tell me that, i don't know i'm thinking of an answer.  this used to drive me absolutely crazy. 

i often times have the correct combination of words to convey my message thoughtfully, to the point and respectfully by the third set, not always but often.  unfortunately i have already muddied the waters by spewing the second set, so not only does the third set have the correct words, it also has an apology for misspeaking the first time. 

this is an exhausting cycle.  maybe i should take my own advice and simply say i'm looking for the right words, give me a minute.  the message above says to sit back and feel into the silence.  i suppose in a way i already do this because i skip my first thoughts and more often than not use the second, but i would like to get to a point where the first and second just don't come or i am strong enough to bypass them and get to the third set quicker. 

since i am relatively new to this whole process of actually verbalizing things (my ex husband and i didn't talk about anything) i think i am making pretty good progress.  i figure i am in my teenage years, we all know those teenagers can be really unreasonable in their thought process sometimes.  good news, it hasn't taken me too long to get here and i should moving into early adulthood really soon.