do you ever have hours, days or even weeks where everything just seems to flow? where you don't feel like you have been put in the rack? where you can simply be? i am in the midst of this. my head is somewhat clear, it may never be totally clear, but i accept that. my kids are full of smiles and laughter. i am sleeping well. i am filled with peace and joy.
i am wishing i knew how to slow down time. i am not a mother who wishes that my kids will stay little forever. i am looking forward to a day where they are little more self sufficient, but they are growing up so fast i wish i could proceed in slow motion.
so far we have had a crazy busy week; school, work, soccer, carpool, soccer pictures, birthday parties, homework, meals, and the rest of the stuff to keep your house going; laundry, dishes, bathrooms, vacuuming. ugh!! it seems like this is way too much for one person to handle but so far the week has gone by smoothly. very little arguing amongst the ratchets, helping hands without having to be asked, very little whining or testing of the limits and tons of smiles, laughter and silliness.
sunday was really a turning point for me, i let the things that are out of my control go. laura munson, the author of a book i refer to a lot, would be proud. there are many things that i could be worrying about, getting worked up about, allowing those feelings to consume my every moment, but they aren't. instead of being cemented in a sidewalk of uncertainties, i am walking in a continuous motion forward. it is blissful.
i often times get stuck focusing on one thing that i would like to be different that isn't going my way. i am like a stubborn two year old that wants a lollipop and mom says no. instead of throwing myself on the ground screaming and hitting my forehead into the floor looking for a reaction, i stew. i get completely lost in what i can't have, looking at it from every angle trying to find my way in.
in an attempt to save myself from being deemed a complete lunatic and save my kids from a distant short fused mom, i let it go. i know ultimately there isn't anything i can do. it is out of my hands. beyond my control. when something like this comes up, where i am stewing, it usually involves another person and since i do not have the power to predict the future or alter someone's mind i have to just free myself of the burden. we had just talked about this in the sunday school class i go to, the phrase that beth moore uses a lot is freeing oneself from the yoke of slavery. boy did that hit home.
it is funny how refreshing letting go or removing the yoke can be. i started this post a week ago, since then i have had one other interaction, occurance, happening that could have left me cemented, but since i am working hard to stay on the path of continuous growth and movement forward i haven't stewed. yeah me! i just have to keep reminding myself to not get stuck and call upon the words of wisdom from some amazing women.
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