my anti valentines day...

phew, i made it through another valentine's day weekend.  it started off great.  friday i was with my bestie, bethy, helping her move in to her new place and my daughter wanted an extra mom day so she spent the night.  my beauty and i had cinnamon rolls in the morning then she went off to her dad's house and i ran some much needed errands before stopping in at the blazing onion to get a little home work done.

instead of watching a ridiculously romantic movie on the night of love, i opted for annabelle, a creepy doll movie.  i really don't like dolls and happen to have a scary doll in my attic.  she was there before i moved in and i have never moved her.  the last time i looked she was face down in the southwest corner of my attic. the entrance to my attic is a small door at the top of my stairs.  i barricaded it prior to turning on the movie just in case my doll decided to come watch.

whenever i share that i have a scary doll in my attic, i get one of two questions:

1. do you want me to remove it?
2. why haven't you gotten rid of it?

have you people never watched a scary doll movie?  the first rule about scary dolls is to never, under any circumstances, touch them.  the moment you make contact with them they come to life and start their evil ways.  if for some reason my scary doll was removed from my attic, she would retaliate in some way.  i'm really not needing that kind of excitement in my life right now.

there are nights when i lie in my bed, under the covers, and listen to the sounds of my house. sometimes i hear things that make me stop and tilt my right ear, which seems to hear better, towards the sound.  i listen to the rustling for a few minutes before i hear the familiar double thud of my cat coming down the stairs.  but for a small second, i think she (i haven't named her) is coming to get me.

at least once a month i wake up with inexplicable bruises on my leg.  i sleep alone, on the left side of a queen size bed, like i'm in a coffin.  i sleep on my back with my arms either at my sides or folded across my torso.  my left leg, the one closest to the edge of the bed is always the one with bruises.  i have no idea what happens while i'm sleeping, but it's probably her, the scary doll in my attic.  my kids tell me i should put up a camera, similar to paranormal activity, but i don't really want to know.

anyway, back to the movie.  to the untrained eye, it probably looked like i was going to have a romantic evening at home, because i settled into my couch with chocolate covered gummi bears, a bottle of red wine, and my favorite fluffy white blanket.  i took a deep breath and pressed play. the beginning wasn't terrible, the music was creepy but i only jumped a few times.  however, it wasn't long before i had the hood of my sweatshirt on and pulled almost closed in front of my eyes. somehow i managed to sit through the entire movie.

i'm not sure that this is going to be a new tradition of mine.  in the past six months or so i have been stepping outside of my comfort zone, but i would much rather watch a scary movie nestled into the side of a burly man.  this way i can shield my face from the scary stuff and maybe get a little squeeze of reassurance.  *wink* 

my thirties in a nutshell...

as i am approaching the last year of my thirties, i thought it would be fun to recap what i've learned in my thirties.  when i turned thirty, i remember feeling that i was a real grown up.  thirty was the mile marker for me.  boy did i have a lot to learn about being a grown up.  i was in store for a roller coaster of grown-up-ness.

in my early thirties i was married and a mother to small children.  i learned that i really loved being a homemaker.  it was a job that i excelled at.  it was my favorite job and by far the hardest job to date. 

it wasn't too far into my thirties that i learned i could do unthinkable things.  i learned that i could ignore my values and principles, could lie to my friends and family, and do things that just weren't me.  unfortunately this was a terrible thing to learn about myself.  thankfully this lesson didn't land me in jail, but it did cause me to hit rock bottom and rediscover my true self.

i learned that i love beer, mainly craft beers but i'm down with a good ol' rainier.

i learned that one should never try to wax their nether regions on their own.

i learned that having a cat doesn't make me your cliché cat lady, but I suppose I still have time.

i learned that getting outside of my comfort zone won't kill me.

i learned that i should never drink tequila.

i learned that once you go black you can go back.

i learned that i am a better runner than i claim to be.

i learned that i know a shit ton of words.

i learned that i'm completely comfortable being the token single friend.

i learned that there are some terrible kissers out there.

i learned that i like having my nails polished.

i learned that i really like having matching bras and panties, although I only have them for special occasions.

i learned that i really love and need my girlfriends.

i learned that i can get along with anyone, unless that other person is an a**hole.

i learned that despite all my feet dragging, leggings can be worn as pants.

i learned that bicycle seats and i don't get along.

i learned that no matter how often or how much you clean, old dingy houses stay old dingy houses.

i learned that laughter really does cure a lot.

i learned that i can work on my car when i follow the manual.

i learned that i love football.

i learned that i can go to a bar, dinner, the movies, and all sorts of places by myself and nobody looks at me too strangely. 

i learned to speak my mind even if it isn't what someone wants to hear.

the best lesson i learned is that i am a quirky, 

often times random, 

sometimes funny, 

awesome gal!

i (heart) genuine folks...

there are certain types of people that i love in this world.  they happen to be the ones that aren't pretentious, that aren't grossed out by bodily functions, and the ones that are genuine.  it just so happens, i got to spend some of my weekend with this type of person.

i was supposed to go to moses lake over the weekend, with my girlfriends from school.  i had my bags packed and everything, but something came up which kept me home.  total bummer.  i love my time with my girlfriends.  especially the gals i have known for 20+ years.  it's a no holds bar, don't have to pretend you're something you're not, sometimes a cat fight type of adventure.

instead of moping around like the loser who didn't get to go, i had a fun adventure of my own.  a mexican meal, good conversation, and nightcap kind of adventure.

we met at a mexican restaurant neither of us had been to before.  i text i will find a place in the bar. which was met with i don't know if there is a bar?  i replied it's a mexican restaurant, there is always a bar. boy was i wrong.  not only wasn't there a bar, but i was led through a maze of hallways into the belly of the building, to a tiny table for two, set against an arbitrary wall, in the middle of a walkway. the waitstaff said is this okay?  i looked around at my other options, which nonexistent, and said yeah, this will be fine.  i have to say, i've never been to a mexican restaurant that didn't have a bar and if i wasn't in a restaurant i may have been concerned following a stranger through a real life maze of hallways.

i sat at this strange little table waiting for my friend watching the endless waitstaff blur past me, a little girl get serenaded by a mariachi band, and a family share a meal, when a booth, tucked away in a private little alcove opened up.  i had just swapped tables when my friend showed up.  after filling our tummies with some delicious grub and cerveza, sharing some good laughs, and engaging our minds in thought provoking conversation, it was time to change venues.

we went from a crazy maze mexican joint to an old man's clubhouse.  we bellied up to a classic american style bar surrounded by dead animals hanging on beautiful wood paneled walls, and hand crafted wood sculptures.  this place had a very cabin-y feel.  my friend even said we are in a man cave.  we each ordered a beer and sat at the counter while the staff started to close up.

as our conversation continued, my friend says look at me and smile.  a little perplexed i do as instructed, i'm really good at following directions.  as i'm sitting there with my big goofy grin spread across my face, my friend starts reaching towards me and says hold still.  i really didn't know what to expect, it isn't everyday someone tells you to smile, hold still, and is reaching towards your face. turns out i had food stuck in my teeth which my friend plucked it out of my teeth with their fingers. of course i did, why wouldn't i?  i always seem to find myself in some sort of embarrassing scenario.

so my adventure wasn't as exciting as my trip to moses would have been, but my company was awesome.  a genuine person without a hidden agenda, who isn't weirded out that my beer made me really burp-y or that i had food in my teeth. despite the fact that i didn't get to hang with my girlfriends, i was able to salvage a potentially bummer weekend.  thank you friend for the exceptional company.

S3...

today is national  satisfied staying single day!  since it is the week of valentine's day, one of my least favorite holidays ever devised, i thought i would make you aware of the lesser known holiday of S3. according to daysoftheyear.com here is the purpose of S3 of:

“No one to walk with, but I’m happy on the shelf”, sang Fats Waller. If that’s you, there’s a perfect day to celebrate. And you don’t have to be “through with flirting”, either…

Seen by many as the antidote to Valentine’s Day, the international day of the singleton may be a strange occasion to mark. But Satisfied Staying Single Day, or S3, is less about chasing a dream of happily-ever-after, and more about living life in the moment – a cause that even couples can embrace. And unlike St Valentine, with his cutesy satin hearts and overpriced roses, S3 remains reassuringly un-commercial.

i'm not going to so far as to say i am satisfied staying single, because i still date and i am still looking for that special someone to share my life with, but i do have to admit the longer i am single the less of a priority it becomes.  i am at the point where i don't need anyone to take care of me, i don't want to have more kids, and i don't need a daddy for my kiddos.  basically this leaves me in the position where i can be picky about who i entangle with. 

last year i spent the valentine's weekend in portland with the girls.  out of the many trips i've taken to portland that was by far one of my favorites and most memorable.  you may remember that was the weekend i split my pants wide open.

this year i plan on helping my friend move into her new house.  i am a little jealous, i can't wait for the day i announce i am moving into a new place.  i plan on seeing some other friends, hopefully catching up on the lastest happenings.  and on the actual eve of valentine's day you will most likely find me watching a movie on my couch, eating chocolate covered gummi bears, and maybe drinking a red wine from the bottle, just because i can.

underoos and granny panties...

last week on the radio, i heard a snippet from TLC's: My Strange Addiction about a young man (31) who is addicted to dating older women.  at first i didn't think much of it, there are tons of people who prefer to date older people, but as i kept listening my face started to scrunch up.  i guess this young man won't date anyone under 60. he is quoted as saying,

 'I love everything about older women. I love the smell, I love the feel, I love the mentality,' he says enthusiastically in a preview of the show. 

uh, okay.  the segment was over and i carried on with my day.  no harm, no foul.

over the weekend i found myself sitting in a bar tapping away on my computer.  by the way, when did i become the nerdy girl sitting in the corner of bar on her computer with readers perched on her nose?  will have to ponder that another time.  anyway, the bar was pretty empty some fellas sitting at the bar, a larger group of fellas by the dart boards, some couples sitting at tables, an older lady sitting alone at the other end of the bar, and myself in the corner.

the door opened and a young man, probably in his mid to late twenties came through. despite the ring through his nose, gauges in his ears, and overall unkept look, you could tell he was pretty cute.  he walked straight to the restroom and scanned the room when he came out.

sometimes i play this little game with myself about where people will sit.  silly i know, but i love watching people.  since, i already knew the layout of the space and who was sitting where, i figured he would sit by the other single fellas at the bar.  my thinking was that he would have something to talk with those fellas about: football, cars, or maybe work opportunities.  this young man didn't do that, he took me completely by surprise.  he sat right next to the older lady sitting solo at the end of the bar.

i've never met the lady, but the bar staff knew her on a first name basis, so i'm guessing she is a regular.  she was definitely older; white hair, wrinkles, looked like she could be a member of the red hat society, but she wasn't wearing the hat. she is your quintessential grandmotherly woman.

so here is this twenty something guy who sits right next to the bar matriarch and starts chatting her up.  they shook hands as the exchanged pleasantries.  i was definitely intrigued and couldn't take my eyes off the show.  he was very intimate, in a stranger chatting up a stranger kind of way, with her; leaning in close, touching her arm, making some serious eye contact, etc.

it was all very fascinating and i instantly wondered if he had heard the radio broadcast that i had.  or maybe he watched the actual program.  or maybe he is just a friendly guy who finds the older crowd easier to interact with.  whatever his reasons, he sat with that woman until she left before turning his attention to another table with ladies older than me.

i lost interest in watching him after that, but i do wonder what makes this young man choose to sit with the older ladies of the room?  is this a trend with younger men that i wasn't really aware of?  i took a stab at dating a significantly younger man, of consenting age, but it wasn't for me and i've been on a date with a man who was much older than i and that wasn't really my thing either.  clearly the laws of attraction baffle me.

broken in half...

i love when i receive a gift that the giver has put some effort in to.  something that is just for me. maybe i've asked for it or maybe they think i will love it, or maybe they know i will never get it for myself, but really want it.  whatever the case, if you have put some thought into it, chances are i am going to love it.  the following story will explain just how much i cherish the act of gift giving. 

two years ago for my birthday, my dad and stepmom, sam, gave me a cute jewelry box on my birthday.  in the box was a really pretty cross necklace.  i don't recall ever asking for such a necklace, but my dad proudly said, "you asked for one of those sideways cross necklaces when we were christmas shopping."  hmmm...okay.  so i put it on and haven't taken it off.  my necklace and i have been through a lot the past two years. 

had some great trips to portland:

watched some football:

done quite a bit of running: 

spent time with friends: 

beer tasting with my buddy kent

aquafest 

a night with the girls and too much tequila

my sista and i at "the cabin"

leavenworth

leavenworth

shreddie and i in leavenworth

went on adventures with my kids:

sushi date

afternoon at the beach

deception pass

goofing off

a chilly day at the waterslides

3D movies

camping at lk. wenatchee

zoo fun

 had some overall good times: 

poking fun at a dumb holiday

just another day at work

won tickets to the mariners game, thank you DK

   

pouring beer at a festival for DK

holding babies

and spent lots of time in the sun:  

 

but all of that has ended.  last night i had on a hoodie and was trying to change into my cozies. somehow, i hooked my fingers underneath the chain while i pulling my hoodie off and snapped the necklace in two.  i found it lying on the floor in a sad heap of chain.  "oh no!" passed my lips while i picked up my beloved necklace.

i know it can be fixed, but i am feeling a little naked today.  i have instinctively reached for it several times today, but i come up empty handed. times to get my necklace fixed and have some more adventures.

question thirty-three...

last night, i spent my evening tucked away in the farthest table from the door in an irish bar, across from a gentleman who agreed to take the fall in love with anyone test with me.  i can't say that i magically fell in love with him, but we definitely shared some intense, stripped down, honest moments with each other.  there were also moments of giggling, contemplation, and even some huh? moments.  whether you are already in a committed relationship, on the dating train, or in a fledging entanglement this test, which is really a series of questions, is an easy way to get to know each other on a more intimate level.

the test, a series of thirty-six questions, broken up into three sections, with each section getting more personal and revealing.  we breezed through section one, took more time in formulating our answers in section two, and then we delved into section three.  the questions in section three were definitely more in depth and forced me to take a deep breath and trust my partner before answering honestly.  i felt that question thirty-three was the hardest one for me to answer.

33.  If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?  Why haven't you told them?

i listened intently as the question was read and sat there for a moment thinking about my answer.  before i could speak, my eyes started brimming with tears. there was a brief moment where i contemplated whether i really wanted to go with my first answer.  i knew i was going to, but seeing as how my partner didn't know my history, i wasn't sure i wanted to share this part of my life quite yet.  despite my reservation, i took a deep breath, fought back my tears and revealed:

i would regret not telling my ex-husband that i am proud of him. 

 

saying those ten words out loud took me at least a minute to utter.  my partner was staring at me intently, absorbing every word i said.  he grabbed my hands and squeezed them gently.  it was a very comforting gesture at a time of complete transparency and vulnerability.  when i was able to swallow the lump in my throat and dry my tears i had to answer the second part of the question.

 

i don't want to open up that can of worms.

 

without having to explain further, my partner said, "i totally understand." i was thankful that I didn't have to continue explaining.  we sat there for several minutes digesting the heaviness of the moment. 

 

we completed the thirty-six questions and sat in near silence, just looking at each other.  it is unusual to get to that level of intimacy and share information about yourself in a very transparent way with a near stranger.  i felt like we didn't know what to say after all was said and done.  somehow asking about the weather seemed ridiculous.  i'm not sure what will become of the my test partner and i, but i'm positive we will remain friends.