is the grass greener...

recently i asked for a topic to write about.  sometimes i draw a blank.  getting some direction is helpful, but can be harder than when inspiration smacks you in the face.  often times when i have an idea i can whip out several paragraphs, kind of like a rough draft, then i go back to tweak, add some humor (if it calls for it), use a thesaurus (to sound a little smarter than i am), read and reread until i am satisfied.  other times i have an idea, throw down a couple of sentences but find there is nothing left to say about it.  sometimes those ideas are finished at a much later time but most of the time they are round filed.  without further ado, here is the suggestion i decided to roll with:

is the grass greener on the other side?

 

i don't think so.

i think the grass is greenest where you water it. 

 

have you ever tried growing grass from seed?  it isn't as easy as throwing some seed on the ground and watering it.  you have to prepare the ground, then seed, water, water, and water some more.  you have to make sure that nobody tramples, eats, or craps on your new life.  sometimes it comes in patchy and you have to work a little harder to get that area to grow.  once your lush grass has rooted then comes the hardest part keeping it alive and healthy with very few weeds.

 

can you see the similarities between grass and relationships? 

 

i'm going to do a whole lot of calling the kettle black  seeing as how i did not do these things in my marriage, but i have learned a whole lot so i can do things differently in the future. 

 

i think that there are always going to be outside temptations.  there is always going to be someone who is more attractive than your mate.  someone who may have more in common with you.  someone who has greater means.  someone who may challenge you more.  tons and tons of temptations.  the flip side of this is that all those same temptations are there for your partner yet they have still chosen you.

 

relationships take constant care; watering, weeding, fertilizing, and mowing. 

 

watering:  to me this is the daily interactions with your partner.  the day to day comings and goings that are essential to building a life together.  the coordinating of schedules, the dreaded what's for dinner? conversations, the catching up about your days, the daily physical connections (yes i said daily and i mean it) and of course the disagreements over the piddly things.

 

weeding:  this is getting rid of the temptations, like those nasty dandelions that take root in the middle of the yard.  there is no way to avoid them, but you can remove them as they come up.  there is more to weeding than just removing.  this is an opportunity to understand why you are succumbing to the lure and find a way to fill that need in your current relationship.

 

fertilizing:  this is the unexpected and extra boost to keep the excitement alive.  it is imperative to step outside of the daily routine and be spontaneous.  experience life instead of watching it.  it is so much better to experience life when you have someone to turn to and say "wasn't that fun?".  trust me, i'm becoming an expert at living alone.  i still turn my head and say the phrase but nobody answers back. sigh

 

mowing:  this could be the weekly time you set aside to reconnect.  it seems like the healthiest, longest lasting relationships are the ones where the couple still dates.  you don't have to leave the house to date, just check out the dating divas for some great ideas for at home dates.  my point is, before you are committed couple you spend oodles amount of time "entertaining" each other.  why in the world should that end just because you got your hooks in them forever? i don't think it does, i think you should continue to date each other.  

 

so there we go.  no i don't think the grass is greener somewhere else.  it may appear greener, much like an oasis in the dessert, but often times once you are in it, it ends up being similar to the grass you left.  all relationships have their ups and downs, their lefts and rights, the forwards and backwards, but i sincerely feel that if you truly love the person you are with and nurture that relationship, you will be successful. 

 

oh there is one variable, your partner has to want to the same thing.  if they don't you're screwed and there isn't anything you can do about it.