have you ever been in a relationship like this? i'm sure the person who called what you were doing together, didn't call it a relationship, but as far as i am concerned any time you spend with another human is a relationship of some sort.
we are a people with an incessant need to label everything. we label the rooms we are in with silly signs that tell us what do in them. we label people by class, color, achievements, disorders, and any other cotton pickin' thing you can think of. we label our food with warning labels, nutrition facts, and slogans to make us want them. we also label what kind of relationship we are in; marriage, business, friends (with the subcategories of acquaintance, close, bosom, f+#* buddy, etc.), parent/child, teacher/student really the lists could go on and on.
this "friends with benefits" label on a relationship is one i have heard of, i've even watched the movie (which was funny), but it is not really a relationship that i have ever wanted to be in. it seems to me that you are telling this person you are enough to be intimate with but not really what i am looking for long term. ouch, that is harsh.
so what do you do if you aren't looking for that type of arrangement but somehow you think you've found yourself smack dab in the middle of one?
- say, "hold up sir, you want a piece of this, it's time to pony up"?
- keep seeing each other, let's face it the benefits are good, but keep your options open?
- cut your losses and get some extra batteries?
- keep seeing each other in hopes that over time you will both realize there is something more than a physical connection?
like always, i have no answers just questions. i know which way i lean, but i don't fit nicely in any category. my alter ego picks option a, but i'm not that forward. the intimate side of me picks option b, for obvious reasons. my head picks option c because i get too attached and really struggle with separating my head and my heart. speaking of my heart, it picks option d for one reason, timing is everything and maybe this is the right guy but the wrong time.
or maybe it is simply this labeling makes things official. sometimes the label is scary.
4 comments:
I had this question from a female friend a couple years ago. "It's not what I really want so how do tell him I want more than that?" she asked.
My response was, you can't change the game rules during play; stop playing and start a new game. I guess that's akin to choice C.
That may sound a bit harsh but think about how you prefer to be treated. Do you want a guy that changes who he is? I think the best we can all hope for is the perfect person (for us) that stays that way and never changes their requirements.
T.R. NO way I don't expect nor want anyone to change who they are. it is far too hard to carry on a charade of a false you.
my only beef with situations like these is that I feel like I am very upfront about what I am looking for and what I am not. with that said I understand that the majority of people will tell you what you want to hear to satisfy their needs, but I still take people at their word because it is who I am and the only way I know how to do things. I suppose I need more guards, but then I am not being the authentic me. double edged sword!!
No more guards! As a guy, dating could never be harder than it is because the guards are so high already.
I think the point is to make sure you are true to yourself and carry your principles into a relationship. If he lies, cut bait. If he tells you one thing and does another, hit the road.
I believe you were upfront in word, but did emotions let you deviate from that? It's very easy to do. Just like as parents, we tell our kids the rules, but bend because we hate to watch them struggle. So what are we really saying by not holding to that?
T.R. alright, additional guards will not be used. there is some truth to the words vs. emotions comment. darn emotions.
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