my mr. big...

are there any sex and the city fans out there?  my hand is raised and i'm jumping up and down shouting, "i am! i am!".  i watched the whole series and i own the two movies.  i haven't delved into the carrie diaries but that is okay because what i am going to talk about today has to do with the adult carrie. 

if you are a fan of the show you know the love story that unfolded between carrie and mr. big.  it wasn't easy.  throughout the television show they got together, they broke up, they saw other people, but ultimately they wound up together.  they had to go through a whole lot of crap before they finally got it right.

i have a friend, a man friend, in my life like this.  he has been my best man friend, the cause of much heartache, the reason for a huge smile, conversations in the middle of the night, my shoulder to cry on, i would like to give him credit for my stellar abs because he makes me laugh harder than anyone i've ever met, and someone i can count on. 

i can go through the last three years of blogging and pull out dozens of posts where i reference him.  where i share our adventures.  where i complain about him.  where i have hurt him.  where i have put him on a pedestal.  where i have reveled in his friendship.  where i have wanted nothing more than to fix things.  where i have loved him.

there are times when i wonder if he will be my mr. big?  are all of our ups and downs, starts and stops, love and hate just part of our journey that we must travel before we can do it right?  or maybe all of the turmoil is a neon sign that is supposed to tell us that we aren't supposed to be?  i still haven't figured that out.

he is the only person i don't know how to ignore.  the only person i never forget.  the only person i dream about.  the only person i plan an imaginary life with.  the only person i feel truly knows who i am and sees through all the bullshit.  the only person i have truly loved. 

love stories in real life rarely mimic scripted love stories in the movies.  but i can't help compare my love story, which remains to be seen if that is what it is, with carrie and mr. big's story.  as i have said over and over again about this man, i am forever grateful for him.  my life would have a huge hole to fill without him.  regardless of what stage we are in, the on or the off, he always occupies a place in my heart.