i recently fell in to some hot water with my beloved friends. i was sitting with two of my closest friends, just chewing the fat when "i need some clarity on one of your blog posts" floated across the open space between us. oh crap. my mind started flipping through recent posts, just like you would flip through a rolodex. i met the eyes of my friends with a genuinely confused expression. i had no clue what they were referring to, but from the looks on their faces they weren't super pleased with me.
it isn't very often that i have a face to face discussion, conversation, saving face session, with anything i put out there. the beauty and downfall of blogging is that i am having conversations with myself. while i am clearing my head so i don't go crazy i sometimes inadvertently strike a nerve with others because there is no opportunity for clarification and oodles of opportunity for interpretation.
alright flo, swallow the enormous lump in your throat and face the music.
i fielded their questions and gingerly skirted around trying not to dig myself a bigger hole. i'm a wobbly mess when i'm put on the spot. my voice is shaky, i often times cry for no apparent reason, i start to sweat like crazy from every pore on my body and i'm sure i get some sort of nervous tic that i don't even recognize is occurring.
here's the deal, i absolutely adore my friends. they are my saving grace at the end of each and every day. i hate that i made them feel wrong or negatively about being my friend, asking questions and giving me advice when i ask for it. although we worked this out in person i still felt that i should point the finger at myself for being an ass.
there is a quote that comes to mind:
be who you are and say what you feel
because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind
well maybe they mind a little bit. *wink*
4 comments:
You are too funny! Hopefully your friend forgave you :)
Being open and (sometimes brutally) honest can be difficult for others to accept because sometimes they are also silently, discreetly hiding their struggle with probably the exact same things! You being real makes you shine like a bright light which exposes how uncomfortable they are and challenges the status quo and that can upset people! I can say that from experience and observation.
Friends are important of course, however you shouldn't let them make you feel uncomfortable about just being yourself. You are beautifully complicated and blogging is part of your process in working things out, so don't bottle something up if it is bugging you because that's probably more damaging in the long run.
Emily...forgiven for sure...out of it came a phrase that now starts any type of razzing. in fact I used the phrase this morning having coffee with said friend, and we were both in stitches. :)
TC...thank you for sharing your thoughts. I agree with what you are saying and I can see, now, how my friends interpreted what I was saying. thankfully I have friends that I can be brutally honest with, even if it means I or them are uncomfortable. we are also able to talk it out and find common ground.
no worries about bottling things up...eventually it all bubbles over. I would be in a padded room for observation if I kept everything to me.
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