man eater...

alright, i have something to talk about.  shocking!  well not really, but it is something i have had on my mind for years.  something i haven't known how to address through written word let alone spoken words.  so i am going to attempt to clearly explain my position. 

i like plain old fashioned missionary style.  i'm just kidding.  that is not at all what i was wanting to talk about, but since i said "position", sexual positions popped into my head.  sometimes i think my mind operates like a 17 year old male who's favorite show is beavis & butthead.  he said, "wood"  followed by that incredibly annoying chuckle. 

anyway, i have a good friend who has loving labeled me man eater.  he says that i charm poor unsuspecting fellas, not poor in a monetary sense.  play with them much like a cat with a mouse, just long enough until i get bored.  then take a bite out of their hopeful hearts and spit them out.  i think that is a little harsh, but maybe he is right to an extent. 

i find the male and female friendship kind of tricky.  is it just me or do men and women not talk just to talk?  are you supposed to leave the personal side of you only for those whom you want a romantic relationship with and keep everyone else on a surface-y need to know basis?  am i living in a conversation nirvana that does not and/or cannot exist?

there are so many fascinating humans that i want to crawl inside of their brains and pick around for a bit, but that doesn't mean i want to bed them.  i enjoy conversation, volleying words back and forth across an imaginary net.   i'm not terribly picky about who it is with as long as it is intelligent, engaging and easy going.  alright maybe that is a little picky, but seriously have you ever tried to carry on a conversation with someone whose idea of conversation is an occasional grunt?  it is dreadful. 

if you have been with me from the start of this crazy adventure you will have read about several (i am hanging my head in shame just writing that) men who i seem interested in enough to see them more than once but then call it quits for one reason or another.  this doesn't even count the countless (my head is now between my knees with illness) men who haven't made the cut to even be talked about. 

this is what seems to happen, and maybe why man eater isn't so far off, i start talking with someone, we get along, i am totally happy with the exchanges of thoughts and ideas, but then comes an expectation that this infantile friendship is going to mature into something more.  i do try to be very upfront about my position (beavis & butthead just popped up again) from the get go, but that doesn't seem to always do the trick.

so what is a girl supposed to do?  maybe i am full of myself and completely read people the wrong way, but i really don't think i am wrong all the time.  maybe i send out the wrong message because i am sucker for the camaraderie?  clearly i have no answers, but i know for sure that i cannot give up the opportunity of conversation at the expense of misunderstood intentions.  this is simply an invitation for more conversation.