daily contact...

so he's meeting your demands for daily contact?

 

here is a snippet from a text conversation i was having, who it was with or what the rest of the conversation was about is of no importance.  this one comment, phrased as a question, meant as an accusation has stuck with me.  actually has stopped me cold. 

 

do i demand that a potential suitor have daily contact?  in my first attempts at dating did i expect daily contact? you better believe it. i have been and still can be a needy bitch in that regards, but i don't ever recall having stated, "now when we start dating i expect, actually demand, that i hear from you every single cotton picking day or it's over."  first of all that would send the potential suitor running through town with a megaphone exclaiming "steer clear rabid wildebeest on the loose".  not really an impression i am wanting spread.  second i don't think i am that demanding.

 

however, it has got me thinking about my expectations when i am in a relationship with a fella.  as an adult my expectation is much different than when i was say a teenager in high school.  the few times i had a boyfriend in high school (few is too many i had two) i saw them five days a week and you better believe i expected some sort of communication.  i mean seriously if your boyfriend didn't talk to you at school something was up. 

 

my now ex husband and i met in august of 1994.  i didn't have a cell phone, i still lived with my mom, and i had a job.  if i reach back through the dusty cobwebs of '94 i'm pretty sure i talked to him every day.  i spent every spare moment i had with him, but if i wasn't in his presence i can guarantee that i talked to him from my mom's phone or my work phone.  in 1998 or 1999 we bought our first house together and we exchanged words daily.  i think it would be pretty weird if i lived with someone and didn't have a daily conversation, don't you?

 

what is this really about?  patterns.  humans are generally creatures of habit and it doesn't take long to fall into a pattern of behavior with someone.  maybe you and your significant are voracious texters and spend the whole day volleying banter. or maybe you only talk after work.  or maybe you only communicate once the kids are in bed. or maybe just on the weekends.  whatever the frequency you most likely have a pattern with your significant. 

 

in my opinion, it doesn't matter what stage of a relationship you are in (except for maybe the exit), connecting daily; whether in person, a text message, or a phone call is normal.  it isn't a demand or even an expectation it is simply the pattern the two of you have created.