loss of appetite...

seems like there are many ways one can "lose their appetite".  you can lose your appetite to live, to compete, to play the game, to keep trying, and the basic definition to consume calories to sustain your body.  recently had a day where i had a torrent of emotions that started with a delirious happiness and waned to discouraged pouty face.  throughout the course of the day i lost my appetite literally and figuratively.

i started the day with very little sleep.  i had endured a captivating and engaging conversation the night before and found my self unable to sleep.  i was craving more but the only more i was getting was the mental replay and fantastic daydream.  after eventually drifting off to sleep, more than once, i woke with a spring in my step, a smile on face, and a heart full of hope and promise. 

typical flo got wrapped up in the moment and blabbed her "good fortune" with her closest and dearest friends.  i say typical, because i think that i often jump the gun.  as you know i take people for their word.  when you tell me something i believe you really mean it and aren't blowing smoke up my ass.  i should possibly proceed through life a little more cautiously and question intentions a little more, but i haven't figured out how to do that.  i want and will most likely continue to believe that the majority of humans are here for good and are not out to "get me".

as the day wound down i found myself beginning to question if my "good fortune" was for real.  that nagging voice inside of me that says, "face the music nobody is that enamored with you" started a soft but relentless campaign against my mood.  i recognize that i read too much into happenings that don't occur; an unanswered text, an avoidance to a question, or a missed exchange.  i have a hard time not taking things personally and somehow turn the situation around on myself; i was too this or too that. 

after patiently watching the clock for ninety minutes i gave up.  i threw in the towel.  i lost my appetite to believe.  i turned off all forms of communication, blocked my view of the clock and attempted sleep.  it is now 3:30, i have been up since 1:45.  i am thankful for the short reprieve and fitful slumber i found myself in, it will sustain me another day.