i think i might be approaching an age where short shorts are not going to work for me. when a ladybug can make a cozy home in the divot on the back of my thigh this might a good sign to cover that up. or when i get a dirt line in the crease of my elephant knee, this might also be a sign to work harder or shower more. or when my rear surpasses the hem, this is definitely a sign that i need longer shorts.
over the weekend, thankfully in the privacy of my family, i had donned a pair of daisy dukes. the last time i wore these particular shorts i was in hawaii and in tip top shape, not the case this time. as i turned to leave the bathroom, i caught a glimpse of the horror show i was subjecting the public to. it stopped me dead in my tracks. i'm not oblivious to the fact that i carry my weight through my hips and thighs, but holy cow, what in the world is going on back there? have you ever seen a raised relief map? you know those kind where the mountains are raised, the valleys are indented and the waterways are prominent? yeah that's what is happening on my backside; peaks and valleys and a river system of stretch marks from having children. sigh.
i was blessed with long legs, but they are only decent from the knee to the ankle. something unflattering is happening from the knee to the hip. before you accuse me of having a poor self image, i should point out that i think i look pretty darn good for 36 and two kids. it's not model perfect, but if you airbrushed me it would be. *wink*
here is what i am learning i am going to have to be more conscious of my protective winter layer. if i can keep it to small curd cottage cheese instead of large curd year round, i will be golden. as i get older it is harder and harder to maintain this figure. i'm also thinking that if i desire to wear some obscenely short shorts it should only be to display my war wounds.
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| something like this...a leisurely walk on the beach that took a wrong turn. |
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