ease of singlehood...

i am really comfortable, again, with my single life.  i say again because i have been here before.  it's been a while, but it is nice to be here again.  these last few months i've been in a tumultuous relationship with myself.  funny how you can grasp the ease of singlehood, watch it disappear in a blink of an eye when someone enters your life, and then struggle to get to that point of ease again.

i think there are stages of singlehood from the newly single person to the seasoned single person.  i am probably in the teen stage of singlehood quickly approaching adult singlehood.  i can tell when i am not okay with being single.  i have this overwhelming need to put myself out there.  there are several things that i consistently do.

1.   i stalk the dating websites.  i constantly check to see who has viewed my profile? do i have any new messages? did someone cyber wink at me?  and of course read countless profiles.  it is simply ridiculous how i obsess about it.  i tell myself to simmer down and not be so eager beaver, but i can't.  i convince myself that someone on there will be so overwhelmed with my fabulousness that they can't resist me and i don't want to miss it.  pathetic!  you don't have to tell me i already know.

2.  i am always dressed, ready to meet mr. right forever.  make up is always done, hair is always quaffed, clothes are ironed, de-linted and spectacular.  i don't go anywhere in my sweats, even my cute sweat outfit that i don't dare sweat in.  it is totally stupid, but i am ready.  i like being dressed, but the first thing i do when i get home is put on my tired cozy clothes because that is what i am most comfortable in.

3.  i find myself wandering.  i go to bars (i really don't want to meet someone in a bar), i go sit at the beach (all perfectly dressed), i wander stores, i will sit at a coffee shop looking all stupid by myself constantly checking my phone.

this is the uncomfortable being single heather.  being this heather means that i am desperate, convinced that i will be single forever, impatient, and on the prowl.  this is super unattractive and as much as i think i am hiding my insecurity, i might as well be walking around with a billboard attached to my head....SAVE ME FROM MYSELF, I'M A HOT MESS, complete with the flashing lights.

like i said i have moved to the enjoying my single life heather.  what does that  mean?  it really just means that i am comfortable spending a day from waking up in my cozy bed to climbing back into that cozy bed with just me.  i am a very social person by nature, which usually means that by 10:30AM i am starving for interaction with another human and by 3:00PM i'm certifiably stir crazy.  so you can kind of understand the significance of being totally okay with my own company. 

this is not to suggest that i don't still want a companion, because i do, but i am not desperate to find him.  i don't spend time on any website searching for that elusive man.  i am less concerned with my outward appearance and wear my pretty sweats to the store without make up and my hair in a pony.  i fill my time with people and things that make me happy.  i spend countless hours in my kitchen (which may be the reason my fat pants are tight) whipping up special goodies for my kids.  i sit at my kitchen table putting together a puzzle with some good tunes and a beer (maybe another reason why my fat pants are tight). 

it feels good to be comfortable.