dropping a deuce...

in my never ending quest to raise children that are accepting of all things, aren't embarassed by their bodies and have a sense of humor, i bring you....bathroom humor

gross but oh so funny.  for some reason our society shies away from talking about everyday bodily functions.  i grew up in a medical family, my mom was a family practice nurse.  we discussed some of the grossest things during dinner..women who have lost their feminine hygiene products and need help retrieving them, among other things.  bodily functions do not phase me...pee, poop, spray poop, vomit..you get the idea i am cool with it all.

so my next story may be a little too much information for you, but i think it's funny.  as the title suggests it has to do with poop.  if you can't handle a poop story then you should close the page now, no need to go any further.   for those of you who want to continue, you won't need a barf bag, there aren't any pictures to look at, but you will need to be able to visualize.  are we ready?  okay here we go...dropping a deuce.

on february 15th, i was having an evening poop.  i am not a poop at a certain time everyday kind of girl.  i know there are some folks who occupy the bathroom with their book, or paper, or maybe angry birds at the same time everyday.  i am not that girl, but i tend to poop everyday.  i didn't bring any reading material or even my phone, my insides weren't suggesting that i would be there long.

i pull down my black sweats and purple boy shorts, sit on the freezing cold white seat and push.  this was not the type of push where you must close your eyes for fear that the pressure will pop them out of your head.  it wasn't the type of push where a little grunt escapes your mouth.  this was just a give it a head start kind of push.  the task at hand was finished in a nanosecond.  i stand up, pull up my drawers and turn to have a look. 

oh come on, i know you look!  you won't convince me that you don't.  how many times have you felt like you just pushed a navel orange out your butt just to find a pea-sized nugget?  i will tell you i am so disappointed when this happens.  or how about this, you turn to look and think holy crap look at the girth, i can't believe that just came out my ass. hope i didn't hurt anything.  i have definitely had a few of those, it was a very unpleasant experience.  i know you look.

so i look and say holy cow!   this statement brings my son running to the bathroom.  for two reasons, one he is a very protective son and is always making sure i am okay.  two, he is a little boy and bathroom humor is right up his alley.  he says are you alright mom? yep, but that's the longest poop i've ever seen.   of course he comes to take a look.  he quickly pages his sis peyton come look at this!  P comes in oh my word mom!  ash insists that i take a picture, which i quickly tell him no and flush the longest poop ever.

the three of us got a good giggle and then carried on with our night. just another day (or evening in this case) in my house.