crab cakes....

blending a family.  this phrase sounds like a wonderfully pleasant endeavor.  almost as if you are creating a new soup.  you grab a handful of wonderful aromatic ingredients, stir them all together in a stock pot, simmer and meld the flavors, ending with the perfect blend of flavor, texture and visual appearance.  somehow blending a family isn't quite as romantic.  it is more like being put in your cuisinart shredded into a million tiny pieces and mushing them all together to form a crab cake.

throughout my lifetime i have been through the blending of a family.  up until now i have always been a kid in the equation.  being a kid you are faced with new parent figures, possibly new siblings, new rules, new expectations, maybe a new house.  there are so many new things it can be overwhelming.  as a child you hope that your old parent and your new parent have a good plan in place so all you have to do is just exist in your new environment.  being the parent and partner is a much harder gig than being the kid.

my singluar relationship with matt isn't difficult.  when it is just the two of us, it is fun, passionate and spontaneous.  when you add four kids to the mix the dynamic changes, we are no longer two people falling in love, we are parents.  maybe this shouldn't really change things, but this is still very new and both of us have an obligation to our children to put their needs first, to protect them and to help them understand and cope with this new situation. 

our hurdles are not specific to blended families.  i think all families experience some of the same issues based solely on the fact that the parents come from different backgrounds.   the difference with blending a family is that you don't have the luxury of figuring it out together from the get go, each party comes in with established methods.  not only do we have our different backgrounds and methods but we also have to contend with the original parents. 

i haven't been under the impression that this was going to be all sunshines and rainbows but i've got to admit that this is difficult.  sometimes it seems like an impossible feat.  how much do you invest if there are no guarantees that the whole (all six of us) is going to work?  i am one hundred percent confident that matt and i will work long term, and i am sure that each of us would do great with each other's kids, the unknown is the kids together.  

i am finding it hard to not take things personally, to look at the big picture instead of the snapshot that i am in, and trust in my partner that we are working on a common goal.  i definitely bring some insecurity baggage with me.  being in such a dysfunctional marriage for so many years takes it toll on one's confidence.  thankfully matt is a trooper and is reassuring, supportive and loving when dealing with me.  i believe that if matt and i can stay strong in our commitment to each other and our changing family then the rest will eventually fall into place.