often times we are tested; in our jobs, our relationships, our parenting, and in our faith. how we deal with these situations is something commonly called character. a display of who we are at the core of our existence, something that is typically shrouded behind the distraction of the fanciful costumes we adorn ourselves in. i am in the midst of a test. this isn't the first time and i know it won't be the last, but i want to drop to my knees, throw my hands up to heaven and shout, "i've had enough tests, can't it just be smooth sailing for awhile?"
as quickly as i am tearing down my walls to freely and deeply love, others are being erected. uncertainty and a protective instinct are taking over creating an obstacle that at this point i don't see how to navigate. from my vantage point i am small and insignificant standing in front of an endless shear wall void of any toeholds.
the odds are stacked against us. research shows that second unions have a greater chance of failing than first unions do. the failure rate goes up exponentially when children are part of the equation. i look at everything that matt and i have gone through thus far and see that we are still together, still communicating, and still problem solving. i don't think this is a coincidence. i truly believe that God brought us together. that He has put obstacles in our way to strengthen our love and our faith. i do wonder though how many more obstacles can our new relationship survive?
i read this message this morning: to love is to be vulnerable. love is the opening of the heart, the welcoming of your beloved. loving is not secure, authentic loving is risky. security lies behind the walls of a closed heart. you either invite the union by opening in love, or you secure the isolation by closing down.
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