an ostrich moment...

have you seen this before?  there seems to be a striking resemblance to the female reproduction system and a shark brain.  hmmm... just a heads up, the rest of this is going to focus around a woman's lady time, my lady time in fact, so if you aren't into bodily fluids, are squeamish with blood in general, or are eating lunch you might want to skip this altogether.

when i was in junior high, i played volleyball.  i remember we played an away game in everett somewhere.  in this particular gym the teams sat on one side of the court and the spectators sat in the bleachers on the other side of the court.  if you were on the bench, i was there quite often i wasn't very good, you were either watching the game or checking out all the people sitting in the bleachers.  at this particular game there was a woman spectator wearing white pants and yes, she was having a lady time issue, that she didn't seem to know was occurring.  i was late to blossom, so i hadn't had to deal with my lady time yet, but i didn't understand how you could NOT know when things were going awry.

let's jump forward several years.  there was a short couple of months i was spending some time with a fella i met through a mutual friend.  we had a great deal of fun, but i had a small problem.  it had absolutely nothing to do with his personality, looks or the direction he wanted to go.  he was and still is great.  i had two problems, one i wasn't in any position to attempt dating and two i don't even know how to tell you what happened because i still don't understand it.  i suppose i will just spit it out....every time i was around him i would start my lady time.  can a man's manliness really do this?  in "flo-land" it appears so, check this out.

at the time i was taking a form of birth control where i didn't have my lady time, it had been years since i had had it.  you can imagine my surprise to all of the sudden start bleeding.  i'm sure my sentiments were "WTF?"  my "situation" around him intensified to the point that i had to go on medication to even things out and quiet the mayhem. 

so, there was a time that i had stayed over at his place.  in my memory, his bed had pristine, crisp, white everything; pillow cases, sheets, comforter, extra blanket.  the whole ensemble was white. bright white.  it may have been different, but i know for sure there was a lot of white.  in the morning i got up and it looked like someone had been massacred on my side of the bed.  after checking myself for gaping wounds, i realized what had happened, but how did this even happen?  the "how could you NOT know" popped into my head and the best explanation i have is: i sleep like a rock.  the next time i went to his place, his bedroom ensemble had been switched out to something really dark.  if i remember correctly he said, "i was due for new bedding."  i was mortified to say the least.  ugh!

when you aren't prepared for this kind of event you are left in a scramble; no supplies, no extra clothes, no warning and certainly no explanation!  now, one would hope that they would have that experience only once in their lifetime.  as a woman in the down slope of her 30's you would think i have got things figured out by now.  well, i had the great fortune of repeating history.  however, the second time wasn't as extreme, but the conversation regarding the clean up was probably the most embarrassed i've been in a long time.

shout, resolve, simple green and some brush work.  finally getting somewhere!

brush work?! are you kidding me?  knowing that someone else, a man at that, is brushing my lady time out of his sheets is seriously an ostrich moment if i've ever heard of one.  there are a multitude of embarrassing moments i would've rather had to do: sing in public, be forced to run around naked at a family gathering, or wear a groucho marx nose with mustache and eyeglasses, except the nose is a penis, out to dinner (i've actually had to do this), or accidentally have my boob pop out of my bathing suit (which really isn't that great of a thing to witness, you would have to look closely to see anything).  what i'm getting at is anything would be better than a man brushing out your lady time!  sometimes being a woman sucks.