getting off the ground...

getting off the ground.  in my head i picture a hang glider, harnessed in, hands gripping the bar in front of me, running towards the edge.  the courage it takes to leave the safety and comforts of the hard ground and launch yourself into the vast expanse of nothing is astonishing to me.  the feeling one must have soaring high like a majestic eagle has to be incredible.

i have never been hang gliding, unless you count the hang gliding ride at the fair.  several years ago, i went to the fair with friends, we had an uneven number of riders which meant i was the adult nominated to go, so none of the kids had to ride with a stranger.  the hang gliding was by far the worst ride, but you really got your money's worth.  it was the longest ride i have ever been on.  around and around, up and down, up and down, strapped into this ride on your stomach, just as if you are hang gliding off of some exotic coastline.  instead you are viewing gazillions of carneys, food booths, and exhibit halls.  not quite the same experience.

i once tested my limits, trapezing, with one of the best people i know.  after a quick 10 minute instructional period on the ground, you get harnessed up and psyche yourself up.  i am not afraid of heights, but climbing this tiny ladder several feet in the air was nerve racking.  once you got to the top, you had to climb onto a narrow platform, where a lovely human was there to help you.  i maneuvered from the ladder to the platform in a very awkward crawl, but i got there.  once you are up on the platform, you hang your toes over the edge, grab the bar and wait for the command to jump.  swallowing the lump in my throat and trusting that i was harnessed correctly, i jumped.  that first swing out was incredible, terrifying, but incredible.

02-28-2010, you can't tell but this is trapeze day.

so where am i going?   i'm talking about relationships. something i seem to talk about a lot.  getting off the ground, a term i am shamelessly stealing from a dear friend (the same friend who took that picture of me). how do you get that perfect combination of personalities, attraction, and intent all at the right time?

some relationships just seem to work.  the approach is smooth, there is no hesitation at the edge and they get off the ground.  the skies are relatively clear, and they soar on continuous up drafts, reveling in all the majestic glory.  i haven't had one of these in quite some time, but i still think it is possible.

some relationships get off the ground but fail to remain airborne, only to crash and burn just as fast as they took off.  those moments of flight are incredible, but they tend to be short lived and the fall is brutal. it is one of those moments in life where you know the crash is inevitable, there is nothing you can do to stop it, and it happens like you are an outsider.  the harder you try to stay afloat the uglier it gets and the impact comes rushing at you.

then there are those relationships that never seem to leave the ground, you run to the edge and stop before leaping.  what holds one back?  fear, stubbornness, or maybe that wasn't really the plan in the first place.  the reasons will vary from person to person, but one thing remains the same, the relationship goes nowhere.  actually it isn't a relationship at all, just a fraction of time spent between two people.

i have had my fair share of the last two scenarios and frankly i'm done with them.  those types of engagements are exhausting, they wear me down, and turn me off completely to the search.  those types of engagements reinforce the already sky high walls i have built around myself.  i suppose the only benefit my walls provide is they are a great launching place for sudden death or an updraft into clear skies.