you know those moments in a romantic comedy, when the impossible seems to happen? the good guy gets the girl. he shows up unannounced on her door step and the rest is history. she acts like a complete lunatic, but he doesn't care and only loves her more. well, real life doesn't usually imitate a movie script. the good guy rarely gets the girl, usually the a-hole gets her, ends up crushing her soul and the good guy picks her up off the ground. he never shows up unannounced on her doorstep because he would look like a creeper and she would call the cops. and, when she acts like a lunatic, he runs like the cops are chasing him and tells every dude he knows to steer clear of that broad.
but what if he did show up unannounced even though she has acted like a lunatic and the good guy did win the girl? we love the movies, but would we love it just as much in real life ?
i am a sucker for the romantic comedy. actually i am sucker for plain old romance, the comedy aspect is simply a cherry on top. i love watching the back and forth of i hate you...i'm indifferent towards you...I like you...i like you a lot...i love you...i can't live without you.
i'm going to be perfectly honest, i think i just love to watch it. over the years there have been men in my life who don't seem to mind that i am a lunatic just the opposite they seem to dig my quirkiness. who don't necessarily show up unannounced but do things for me that i don't expect. and yep you guessed it, they are super sweet. what do i do? i run away as fast as i can. that guy, the dream guy from the movies, scares the hell out of me.
why? it's a total trust issue on my part, i simply don't think that his devotion, his feelings, or his love is real. it is the old adage waiting for the other shoe to drop. haven't you ever felt that way? everything is going great and your screwed up crazy brain says this is too good to be true, which leads to you doing completely crazy things. i have seen enough failed relationships, that it is hard to imagine that one will actually work. but what if you just shut your head up, powered through and it turned out just fine, both shoes stayed on and the dream guy followed through every time?
in an effort to continually improve on myself, i will say i'm trying to not push the good away. doesn't mean it isn't scary, or that i'm not questioning everything in my head. it just means that i'm trying, keeping my insecurities at bay, and enjoying being the recipient of good (and reciprocating). it also helps that i have the best girlfriends in the world to vent to.
2 comments:
Working really hard to do this same thing myself. Once you've been completely disrespected and almost destroyed by the person who promised NOT to do that, it is so difficult to trust again. I'm realizing that if I am constantly on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop, I'm not going to fully appreciate all of the good that is happening now. I'm working on convincing myself that I truly deserve to be treated well by this amazing person in my life, and reciprocating. It's really, really difficult to retrain my mind. Something I keep telling myself when I feel insecure about the relationship, is that this one is worth the risk of getting hurt again. And I believe more and more every day that he feels the same way about me. I know how cheesy it sounds, but the cliches that talk about enjoying the moment, are so true. It's getting easier for me to silence the voice that says "what if", by answering it with "what if it all really does fall into place, and I really do deserve happiness and contentment?" I won't know unless I trust him with my pieced back together heart. I won't know unless I believe that all of the good now is worth risking possible pain. The reality is that I've already handed him the explosives with a map of where to place them. Now I just have to believe that I'm worth it to him, to not light the fuse. Here's to living in the moment, appreciating all the good in every day, and only showing our crazy insecurity to our girlfriends long enough for them to slap it out of our hands with a reality check.
dear anon...thank you for sharing. i read something not too long ago that on pinterest that stopped me cold and reminded me of a particular person, and kind of reiterates what you just wrote. it was written by sherrilyn kenyon
"when you love someone....truly love them, friend or lover, you lay your heart open to them. you give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt - you literally hand them a razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul."
good luck to you!
Post a Comment