pucker up...

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 it's the second best thing you can do with your mouth...

there are all sorts of different types of kisses.  closed mouth to open mouth and everything in between.  depending on who you are going to kiss really dictates how you are going to kiss them.  i kiss my kids differently then i kiss my parents and i kiss my friends differently then i would kiss a lover.  there is a kiss for every occasion, but can you teach someone how you like to be kissed?  is there such a thing as kiss compatibility?

my kissing education came late in life.  i had a boyfriend in high school.  this was my first open mouthed kiss.  it was horrible.  his tongue was huge, it was very wet and i ended up biting his tongue.  just for the record that does not go over really well.  note to self: boys don't like having their tongue bit, so either learn to like it or just don't do it.  i chose to not do it.  we didn't stay together very long. 

i didn't realize how much i liked passionate kissing until after i got divorced.  i also didn't realize how differently people kiss.  i'm not sure why i was surprised, but not all kisses are the same.  i have learned my style and what i like; soft lips, not a ton of tongue, not super sloppy and very passionate.  you are probably thinking everyone does that, not true.

let's start with soft lips.  i'm not really talking about how well someone maintains their lips, but that is a nice benefit.  there is something weird about kissing someone with chapped rough lips.  what i mean by soft lips is someone who keeps their lips relaxed.  kissing someone who has tense lips is like pressing your mouth up against a concrete wall.  there is no give, no fluidity and for me absolutely no passion.  if i wanted to kiss concrete i would make out with a statue or edward.  for some reason i think of edward from twilight when someone has tense lips. 

not a ton of tongue.  this should be a no brainer as to what i am talking about, but clearly everyone has a different preference about the amount of tongue.  i have kissed a man who was trying to retrieve my lunch from my intestines.  i could hardly breathe and thought i was going to choke.  so for me i would prefer that i'm not being trachead when we are making out.  there are also people who investigate every tooth and all your gums.  i can save you the research i've never had a cavity and i go to the dentist every year, i've had great dental health.  i also don't like a dart-y tongue.  picture a lizard or snake that flicks their tongue.  they are doing this to smell, but when a human does this into my mouth it surprises me.  i do like mingling with my partner's tongue for brief moments but not a wrestling match.

now we are onto sloppy.  although body fluids don't gross me out i don't want to wear yours all over my face.  if you have pets you know that they lick themselves.  have you ever smelled your pet after they have cleaned?  they have an odor that is a mixture of their fur and their mouth, it's not the most pleasant smell.  so back to humans, call me crazy but i don't really want my face smelling like the inside of your mouth.  also when you are kissing someone who is a very wet kisser everything seems to get slippery and for me i lose the sensation of that persons lips.  as you can see i really like the lips.

passionate.  i think there is something very passionate about an open mouth kiss with no tongue.  brushing your lips against anothers, feeling the contours of their lips and hearing the breath of your lover.  i'm also  pretty partial to a nibble of the bottom lip, just don't draw blood.  i think passionate kisses are best when there is immense chemistry between the parties.

there are my preferences, which brings me back to the question from the beginning.  i have kissed men who we seem to be "kiss compatible" right from the get go.  what happens when you don't kiss the same and want to enjoy it?  is it okay to tell that person, "so i think you're great but i can't stand the way you kiss?"  okay i probably wouldn't use those exact words, but is this a topic that can be brought up?  i've heard that couples with the best most fulfilling intimate lives tell and instruct each other what they like; a little harder, a little softer, more this more that, etc.  do you think kissing falls into the category of teaching your partner how you like it? 

i don't have the answer, this is why i am posing it.  i do know that when i don't like the way someone kisses it has been a deal breaker.   i guess i have been a gal who wants most of the pieces to fit together seamlessly.