get in the cage...

i love when i am introduced to new things.  there is so much to see, learn and experience in this world i am always eager.  unless you are talking about something illegal, endangering to my life, or entering the "back door".  those types of things i am not so eager about.

over the weekend, i learned a new sport...disc golf.  i have heard of this, but didn't know any of the ins and outs.  quick overview, there are these discs, smaller than a frisbee and you throw them, much like a frisbee, at a metal and chain cage.  sounds easy enough right?  wrong!!  there is a whole lot of technique and skill required to play this game well.

 

just as in golf, there are different discs for what you are trying to do; long range driver, mid range driver, and putters.  not all discs are created equal.  yes they are all the same size and circular, but the edges are different, the stiffness of the disc is different and even the material is different.  there are multiple ways to throw a disc depending on what you are trying to achieve.  for your initial drive you are looking for distance, just like traditional golf.  this one man on the course described it as lining up your shoulders and pulling a lawn mower rope across your chest and for some reason your wrist is supposed to naturally snap.  there was no "snapping" for me.  there were "holes" that you couldn't see past the vegetation and you threw the disc like a tomahawk.  then there was another way to throw that i can't even describe other than it looked you were a contortionist (inside out).  and you stand different for "putting".  who knew?  there are even special bags for your discs.  for as many similarities to traditional golf there are some big differences; no golf carts, no green fees or special attire required.

 

when i am learning a new skill you can guarantee i look special.  teaching my body how to stand, hold, throw and follow through takes some time to master.  i'm not sure if this is something that i will be able to "master", but you can guarantee i will keep trying.    my first impression was being inside a pinball game.  my disc ricocheted off every tree, even if it wasn't close by.  bounced off the ground when it was supposed to be flying.  rolled into thickets of prickles and bushes trying to hide.  i think my disc was alive and trying to flee the scene.  basically it was everywhere i didn't intend for it to be.  aiming was clearly not my strong point.

 

i was however consistent.  the two courses we played, yes we played two in one day, were both par 3 courses (another similarity to traditional golf).  it consistently took me four tries to put my unruly, mind of its own disc into the cage.  the biggest obstacle i am going to have is the initial throw. there is a throwing pad; a marked out area and a line to throw from. since these aren't well manicured golf greens, there are obstacles to contend with, many of you know i have a tendency to fall. i was not confident enough in my skills to run and throw, opting for the safer stand and throw route.  with some practice i think i will be able to attempt the run and throw which will give my disc a little more umpf and might bring my score to par.

 

overall i was happy with my performance on my virgin run.  i had a great teacher and created some fun memories. 

 

drinking him in...

how does he smell?  this is the first question that shreddie asks me when i tell her about someone new in my life.  shreddie is convinced, and there are actually many studies that support her theory, that scent plays a big role in attraction. 

shreddie always says doesn't matter how handsome he is, if he doesn't smell good it's a no go.  i used to think she was crazy, but deep down i know she is right.  let's face it, would you really want to be with someone who you didn't think smelled good?  yeah, probably not.

shreddie is not talking about the cologne that a man wears.  although, i think cologne is nice as long as it isn't so overpowering that you feel like you need oxygen mask just to get clean air.  we, as humans, have a natural odor.  this is what shreddie is talking about, ones natural odor.

you know in movies, tv shows, or even in a novel when you see (or read about) a woman who is wearing her man's shirt?  typically he is gone, maybe just to work or they have parted ways, whatever the case she is still holding on.  she is wrapping herself in him.  drinking in his scent.  i was thinking it is funny that they only show women doing this, but i suppose most women are with men who are bigger than they are.  seeing your man sausaged in your shirt would be super funny and probably really awkward.

anyway, in between activities with my children (trampoline park, state fair, church) i spent the better part of my weekend with a man.  i haven't said much about him, but i will tell you this.  he makes me smile a little bigger, laugh a little more often and has been a bright spot in my day.  i was definitely bummed that the weekend was over and it was back to the daily grind of work, motherhood and getting ready for the upcoming school year.

he left his shirt at my house.  i found myself being that woman in the movies.  i pulled his shirt over my head, held it up to my nose and drank in his scent.  heavenly.  besides my skivvies, his shirt was all i wore for the remainder of the evening and for a good portion of the next day.  i waited as long as i possibly could before taking a shower and unrobing myself from his scent.  sigh.

i was tempted to wear it every night until i saw him again, but thought better of it.  his scent was slowly fading and i was adding my funk to the shirt.  just for the record, my funk isn't awful, but i'm sleeping.  if you noticed the shirt is a long sleeve thermal and it is summer.  i will let you do the math.  i ended up washing it.  when i pulled it out of the dryer i crumpled it up to my nose and took a big whiff, all i could smell was the dryer sheet.  dryer sheets aren't bad, in fact i like that smell a ton, but dryer sheets definitely are not as heavenly as him.

beards...

i was texting with my sister the other night...

is it bad that a single girl is drinking wine in bed watching friends re-runs with a purring cat?

 

before i could answer she writes...

 

who am i kidding, you're knitting beards. LOL :)

 

true story.  i was at home wednesday night crocheting (not knitting) a beard.  yes, i am a 36 year old woman who sits at home crocheting beards.  i have a cat named oscar.  i wear granny panties to bed, because i'm sorry they are just more comfortable.  oh and i like puzzles.  maybe i should flip those numbers around and add 30 to it, because this sounds more like a 93 year old lady. 

 

there was a really good reason why i was crocheting a beard.  besides the fact that it is frick-fracking awesome, it is for the st. pattys dash.  yes, i realize it is quite a ways away, but i have several to make.  oh no, my old lady hole is getting deeper.  this was my first take at it.  i didn't know how long it was going to make one of these (about 30 minutes) and like i mentioned i have a few more to make, so i had some extra time and thought why not? 

 

so here's the gig.  my girlfriends and i run in the st. pattys day dash.  we have done it two years in a row.  i swear this year i will be better prepared for it.  anyway, we have been adding to our ensembles each year.  last years addition was stick on green mustaches.  they were awesome and i think we were the only ones sporting them. 

 

this race has the worst weather ever.  it is always pouring.  it really doesn't matter how well dressed you think you are, each year i look like a shivering wet cat.  it's not pretty.  true to form it was pouring down rain at the start of the race, but it started snowing towards the end.  yes, you read that right, snowing!  needless to say our faces were cold.

 

since, we are ladies and do not possess the ability to grow our own beards, well i do have those two hairs that grace my chin, but that doesn't count, i thought i would make beards.  sometimes men have it better.  sure would be nice to grow a cozy warm beard for the winter months.  short of collecting all the hair that falls out of my head, the hair i shave off of my legs and pits or the hair that is waxed, yarn beards is the best i can do.

 

there you go, the official story behind the yarn beards.  i will be keeping the first one with all the mistakes.  hopefully by the end of this escapade i will be an expert beard maker. 

 



doing it barefoot...

there seems to be a rather large movement to go barefoot.  there are many studies that show the benefits of going barefoot; less deformed toes, great flexor strength, denser muscles on the bottom of the feet, greater agility, more ability to spread toes (this doesn't seem like a highly desirable benefit to me) and the list continues.  i have seen people hiking, exercising, running, you name it people are doing it barefoot.

so here's the deal, the other day while i was at work there was a gentleman walking down the street.  gasp!  keep your britches on there is more to the story.  he seemed well put together (nice clothes and well groomed) however he wasn't wearing any shoes.  he didn't even have a bag with him, so there wasn't even shoes being carried on his person.  he didn't even have the laces of his shoes tied together and thrown over his shoulder.  did you ever do this?  i did this with my track shoes.

i rarely go barefoot.  i am not put together well from the hips down and need the support of my shoes.  huh?  oh alright, my hips are naturally rotated out and my knees rotate in.  it's a mess that cannot be corrected.  i have had custom orthotics made that are supposed to help, but it just transfers where my body naturally rotates and makes a different part of me hurt.  so i will forever have achy knees.  i try not to be a baby about it.

anyway, back to this man.  i am not a huge germiphobe, but i can't imagine how many nasty things he stepped on; people's spit globs, boogers from the man who "farmer blows" all the time, gum, seagull poo, urine from a different man who pees on the wall everyday, other random wetness, food remnants, yeah it's a long list and i can think of many more things, but i am getting grossed out.

this man didn't seem to have a care in the world in his nice clothes and perfectly coiffed hair, in fact he wasn't even watching where he was placing his feet.  uh what?  okay let's say for giggles that i decided on my lunch break to take walk...barefoot.  you can guarantee that my head would be wobbling back and forth scanning the ground for potential yuck and how to avoid it.  even when i walk barefoot in the grass if i step on something unexpected my brain says yuck and i pick my foot up real quick. 

i suppose if you are a regular barefooter you have callouses and have probably grown accustomed to strange textures and surfaces pressing against your feet.  that maybe the random gooey or surprising wet wouldn't phase you, but how long until you get to that point?  there must be a learning curve here, a grace period before your feet get tough enough to not notice, a span of time before your yuck reflex stops kicking in. 

i will probably not be participating in the barefoot movement.  i fancy shoes way too much and i am going to save myself the embarrassment of leaping around because of my yuck reflex.

hook, line and complacent...

i absolutely love, love, love this couple.  you can tell after what looks like a lifetime of togetherness they are still in love.  i love all their wrinkles, gray hair, and the immense amount of history in their faces.  i sure hope this is what i look like, although i want my teeth, with my partner when i am old(er).

 

i know far too many people in complacent relationships.  they act more like roommates carrying out daily chores than two people who want to share their lives with each other.  i know i've been obsessed with the passionate couple of my dreams but can this couple exist in today's world? 

 

i was having a discussion with a friend about this very thing, she asked, "if you start a relationship full of passion can you maintain it?  if you start a relationship with lack luster passion can you obtain it?"  i told her that i think it can be maintained, but only if both parties want it and work at it everyday.  i also think that it can be obtained but that takes a whole lot more work and starts with the person who wants it.  did hopeless romantical optimist flash in your head?  it did in mine too.

 

it seems to me that when you are getting to know someone you spend a ton of energy to attract and keep their attention.  through playfulness, flirting, a spur of the moment rendezvous, phone conversations that go long into the night or through small gestures.  however once you have "hooked" that person it seems like all those little extras start to wane.  why?  complacency.  we fall into the mundane routine of life and forget to nurture the reason why we are in the mundane routine, each other.

 

again, i am no expert.  you are listening to a divorced woman who can't keep a relationship alive to save her life, but i am hopeful that my hunch is correct.  which brings me back to the adorable couple above.  i am going to bet that those two have had many ups, downs and in between boring moments.  there were probably times where they wanted to call it quits and times where they were so in love nothing could stop them.  i can only imagine that through everything they stayed true to their commitment to each other.

 

wouldn't it be funny if all my hypothesis were horse shit and the true story behind these two people is they are newlyweds enjoying the newness and intoxication of young love? 

  
 

dream couple....

ahem, i'm going to fill you in on one of my "likes".  this is one of my favorite ways to kiss, except i want to be the one against the wall.  i will tell you why in a minute, but first i should tell you that my dream continued.  here is the cool thing about dreams, they are just snippets.  you see scenes that may or may not connect and if you happen to remember them when you wake up you can fill in the missing pieces.  you can make the story a tragic romance or a happily ever after.

as i have shared before, i want a relationship that is full of passion.  i have learned that this is really important to me.  i cannot be in a relationship that is passionless, it just isn't going to work for me.  the reoccurring couple in my dreams is dripping passion.  this time they were parting ways.

 

he pulled her in for one last embrace.  she melted against his frame. 

 

before i go any farther, i have to say this...i want to be this girl.  this girl in my dreams with this man.  i wish i knew more of their story.  maybe i will learn more as time passes or maybe this is just one of those happenstance occurrences and i won't see them again.  you know like in the movies and there is a couple that has an explosive weekend together and they part ways never to see each other again.  tragic romance.

 

he pressed her up against her car and kissed her deeply...

 

for me there is something really sexy about being picked up, pressed up against a surface (car, wall, shower door...) and deeply kissed.  i prefer to be the one against the wall because i like to feel the weight of my partner against me.  also because when/if he picks me up, the wall can help support me. 

alright, enough of the drippy sappy.  as you can tell i like this dream couple.  when i find this kind of chemistry, the kind that my dream couple has, you can bet i'm not going to let it pass me by.   



passion under the stars...

i woke up today with an image of a dock in my head.  i had been dreaming about a wonderfully intoxicating, romantic, spontaneous interlude...

they walked in an unhurried gait with fingers entwined.  she kept stealing glances through lowered lashes at the handsome man at her side.  they made their way, under an inky sky dotted with bright twinkling lights, down to the dock... 

there is no sound like the sound of your shoes on a dock.  it is a very earthy hollow sound.  this has to be one of my favorite sounds ever.  in my dream i could hear it clearly.

they sat side by side hidden in the shadows.  their knees touched.  he slipped his arm around her waist.  she gazed up into his inviting face.  he brushed her hair aside and pressed his lips to hers.  a soft but hungry kiss...

watching the dream unfold there was no back story, but i could feel this immense energy between them.  something they had been holding back.  maybe they were somewhere prior to getting to this dock where they couldn't be open or free to explore the attraction? 

as the kiss intensified the hunger to be closer grew.  he laid her back on the dock  pressing his body up against hers.  for a few moments the rest of the world fell away and it was just the two of them.  lost in a kiss, the weight of his body on hers, the exploration of his hands at the curve in her waist.  she wrapped her legs around him drawing him closer wanting to stay in this moment a little bit longer...

a passionate, romantic, intoxicating and spontaneous interlude. 

pucker up...

smile

 it's the second best thing you can do with your mouth...

there are all sorts of different types of kisses.  closed mouth to open mouth and everything in between.  depending on who you are going to kiss really dictates how you are going to kiss them.  i kiss my kids differently then i kiss my parents and i kiss my friends differently then i would kiss a lover.  there is a kiss for every occasion, but can you teach someone how you like to be kissed?  is there such a thing as kiss compatibility?

my kissing education came late in life.  i had a boyfriend in high school.  this was my first open mouthed kiss.  it was horrible.  his tongue was huge, it was very wet and i ended up biting his tongue.  just for the record that does not go over really well.  note to self: boys don't like having their tongue bit, so either learn to like it or just don't do it.  i chose to not do it.  we didn't stay together very long. 

i didn't realize how much i liked passionate kissing until after i got divorced.  i also didn't realize how differently people kiss.  i'm not sure why i was surprised, but not all kisses are the same.  i have learned my style and what i like; soft lips, not a ton of tongue, not super sloppy and very passionate.  you are probably thinking everyone does that, not true.

let's start with soft lips.  i'm not really talking about how well someone maintains their lips, but that is a nice benefit.  there is something weird about kissing someone with chapped rough lips.  what i mean by soft lips is someone who keeps their lips relaxed.  kissing someone who has tense lips is like pressing your mouth up against a concrete wall.  there is no give, no fluidity and for me absolutely no passion.  if i wanted to kiss concrete i would make out with a statue or edward.  for some reason i think of edward from twilight when someone has tense lips. 

not a ton of tongue.  this should be a no brainer as to what i am talking about, but clearly everyone has a different preference about the amount of tongue.  i have kissed a man who was trying to retrieve my lunch from my intestines.  i could hardly breathe and thought i was going to choke.  so for me i would prefer that i'm not being trachead when we are making out.  there are also people who investigate every tooth and all your gums.  i can save you the research i've never had a cavity and i go to the dentist every year, i've had great dental health.  i also don't like a dart-y tongue.  picture a lizard or snake that flicks their tongue.  they are doing this to smell, but when a human does this into my mouth it surprises me.  i do like mingling with my partner's tongue for brief moments but not a wrestling match.

now we are onto sloppy.  although body fluids don't gross me out i don't want to wear yours all over my face.  if you have pets you know that they lick themselves.  have you ever smelled your pet after they have cleaned?  they have an odor that is a mixture of their fur and their mouth, it's not the most pleasant smell.  so back to humans, call me crazy but i don't really want my face smelling like the inside of your mouth.  also when you are kissing someone who is a very wet kisser everything seems to get slippery and for me i lose the sensation of that persons lips.  as you can see i really like the lips.

passionate.  i think there is something very passionate about an open mouth kiss with no tongue.  brushing your lips against anothers, feeling the contours of their lips and hearing the breath of your lover.  i'm also  pretty partial to a nibble of the bottom lip, just don't draw blood.  i think passionate kisses are best when there is immense chemistry between the parties.

there are my preferences, which brings me back to the question from the beginning.  i have kissed men who we seem to be "kiss compatible" right from the get go.  what happens when you don't kiss the same and want to enjoy it?  is it okay to tell that person, "so i think you're great but i can't stand the way you kiss?"  okay i probably wouldn't use those exact words, but is this a topic that can be brought up?  i've heard that couples with the best most fulfilling intimate lives tell and instruct each other what they like; a little harder, a little softer, more this more that, etc.  do you think kissing falls into the category of teaching your partner how you like it? 

i don't have the answer, this is why i am posing it.  i do know that when i don't like the way someone kisses it has been a deal breaker.   i guess i have been a gal who wants most of the pieces to fit together seamlessly.  

a public disclaimer...

as you know i choose to live my life very publicly.  i share personal things about myself through this blog, facebook and on other social networking sites.  i choose these formats for a couple of reasons.  one, writing clears my head and helps me visually, as well as mentally, process my feelings, ideas and thoughts.  two, i enjoy it.

as my reader base grows.  haha, just saying that sounds funny to me.  as if to suggest i am all that and a bag of chips.  i'm really not, i'm just your girl next door with a lot on her mind and a need to get it out of her head.  anyway, having more readers means that there will be more who disagree with what i have to say.  i truly welcome all opinions because i know that i get stuck wallowing in my own thought process and cannot always see clearly, but...(dramatic pause)... you knew there was a but coming, huh? 

i am surprised that strangers take any opportunity they can find to attack another human.  clearly i am speaking about a verbal assault (i would throw down if it was face to face) and generally not even with their own voice but through written word.  sent through a private email or what have you.  wouldn't it be great if virtual attackers would stop for just a minute and ask themselves  would i say this to their face?  if the answer is yes by all means express your thought, but if it is no maybe it is better left unsaid or better yet, reworded so it isn't so abrasive.

this is my public disclaimer...this is just for me.  i am not, nor have i ever, claimed to say anything life changing, or come up with a new thought, or even an idea that nobody else on this planet has thought of.  this is more along the lines of a diary of my own experiences in life.  more importantly a tool for me to grow and catalogue my highs and lows.


for those of you who read my blog, thank you.  i am truly humbled that you take the time out of your busy day and life to see what i am up to.

cheers,
flo

my dream writing place...

tiniest house in the woods...only 144 square feet

would you live here?  there was an article on www.msnbc.com about living in tiny little homes.  this particular home is in california somewhere and two people actually live here as their permanent residence.  two people in 144 square feet of actual living space.  sounds kind of cramped, but i do love the idea of reducing my carbon footprint on the world.

if it was just me; no kids, no pets, no commuting to a daily job or any other variable that would require me to coexist with other humans regularly, i would... not live here.  pretty sure i couldn't make this my permanent residence, but i could see this as being a perfect writers escape. 

yes a writers escape.  when i grow up i want to be a writer.  if i was fortunate enough to have a dwelling instead of just a room to write in, this little haven in the woods would be it. "woods" really means i can still see my regular house through the trees.  i don't want to be that far removed.  there are some details that would have to be worked out; internet access so i could upload my drafts, electricity i'm good with roughing it but i would need to be able to cook, run my computer and have lights, and indoor plumbing, being able to drop trow, settle onto the porcelain throne and then flush it all away is a small luxury in life.

i can visualize telling my honey i'm going out to the cabin for a few days, going to knock out a couple hundred pages. 

this would be my place only.  absolutely no children, no spouses or visitors of any kind.  it would be filled with all the things (material items) that bring me joy, provide inspiration and is conducive for optimal creativity.  my haven would always be stocked with my favorite eats, delicacies and beverages.  i can see an oversized chaise with the softest yummiest blanket to curl up in.  oh and that fireplace would be functional, i would have to master fire building skills, but i am sure i can manage.

maybe someday.  a girl can dream.

artifice...

often times through social media an individual has a screen name, for our more modern folk or a handle, for our old timers.  basically these are the same thing, just different terminology for different times.  a lot of times an individuals screen name reveals a little insight as to who this individual perceives themselves to be. 

i will give you an example.  my name is heather.  for some reason as i was typing this forrest gump's voice popped into my head. strange.  anyway, my screen name for a most social media is bloggerflo.  i write a blog and my girlfriends call me flo.  so you get my hobby and my nickname all rolled into one neat little name.  alright so it isn't super creative but it's what i came up with.

i have a friend.  well, i consider him a friend.  i am guessing, at least thinking, he considers me a friend.  okay, i've never actually met this person, but i chit chat frequently with him through social media.  are we really friends?  yes, i think so. 

anyway, we are unlikely friends.  i am at least 10 years his senior, yep i am old.  he is a drummer, i have no musical talent whatsoever.  he has a total potty mouth, i am a straight laced gal who watches her language, most of the time.  he also seems to spend a lot of free time being an extreme survivalist, i prefer the comforts of my cozy home with an occasional outing on well groomed and maintained trails.  however, we have enough commonalities to enjoy each other's banter.  bacon, the cure for just about anything.  coffee, one of the reasons to get up in the morning.  sex, another reason to get up in the morning and a necessity, but his escapades are way crazier than mine (remember he is a drummer anything you can imagine...).  honesty at all costs, this i think is the biggest, we are totally up front about who we are.  no smoke and mirrors here.

now that you are somewhat familiar with my friend, we get back to screen names.  i know him by his screen name.  the definition of his screen name is a clever or artful skill.  this is very fitting, he has an incredible gift, his voice.  i haven't ever encountered another human who can artfully convey a message the way he can.  when i found out his real name, the one given to him by his parents at birth (i'm assuming i don't really know this), it just didn't match.  the meaning of his actual name is uncertain, possibly eminent marrow.  huh?  i don't even know what that means.

although i don't think his actual name matches him, i can't think of what else i would've named him.  his screen name isn't really a name although it is fitting.  do you know anyone with a name that doesn't seem to fit their personality?

SAFETY FIRST!

40 minutes to clean...

as of late i've been on this home remedy kick.  i am intrigued by the idea of using common household things that provide glamorous results; the smoothest legs ever, whitening my teeth, detoxifying, cornsilk hair, brighter complexion and the list continues.  i think it is interesting that there is so much more to do besides ingesting nutrients.  you can mash things into a paste or scrub.  you can mix things together to clean drains or kill bugs.  the options are endless.

detoxing.  outside of the detox water i tried a few weeks ago (which i am still drinking because it tastes good), i haven't done any real detox program.  i see those pills or series of drinks in the store but have never thought to try them.  why now?  who knows.  i'm bored, i'm curious, i'm anything but normal.  to be honest with you i don't really understand it, nor do i care to spend any time researching it.  i am lazy.  i even get tired of reading people's replies when i stumble across some new thing. 

anyway, i decided to try a detox bath.  duedue and i have been talking about this for several weeks, but neither of us had actually taken the plunge.  yes a pun was intended there.  there were some steps to this; mix the dry ingredients, prepare copious amounts of water to be drunk, gather reading material, and finally trek on up to the bath. 

the day had already been long; church, swimming and dinner with the perdue family.  have you ever noticed how stinking exhausting swimming is?  well it is.  my legs were definitely fatigued from the hour and a half of punishment i had put them through.  what better time to try a detox bath?  so i gathered all the required ingredients and supplies and headed to my tub.

with my hair piled high on my head i slid into my hot detox bath.  first observation, this is an activity best done in the dead of winter.  it was blazing hot day, well hot for washington, and slipping into a hot bath was not my brightest idea.  i can see how it would be awesome when it is only 35 degrees outside.

second observation, it smelled good.  this is a mixture of epsom salt, sea salt, baking soda, ground ginger, and apple cider vinegar.  the ginger made the bath smell really good.  i suppose you would need to be a ginger fan to enjoy a tub of ginger.  guess it's a good thing i am a fan.

quickly i noticed bubbles of liquid forming on my skin in places that were unusual.  this concoction definitely made me sweat, my hair was wet when i got out, but the bubbles were not sweat.  my chicken wings, most commonly known as triceps, don't typically sweat but there were these mysterious bubbles of liquid popping up.  are these toxins?  i have no idea, but i was intrigued. 

the first 20 minutes i filled my time blipping.  chatting with my friends from around the world.  they are always good for entertainment and time killing.  the next 20 minutes i decided to call a friend.  i hadn't spoken to him with my voice in a few days, and i clearly had uninterrupted time to spare.  during this discussion it came to my attention that i wasn't clear on after care.

after care?  well, i'm sitting in a tub of salt and my own filth.  am i supposed to rinse off?  above mentioned friend advised that i should so i wouldn't wake up looking like a salt encrusted prime rib.  ha!  love a guy with a sense of humor.  then i got to thinking do i use soap?  i have just spent 40 minutes opening my pores and supposedly releasing those nasty toxins, i didn't want to clog my pores up by spackling a layer of soap across them.  i ended scrubbing the salts off with my poof (thanks ana) and plain old water.

results.  i will say that i slept solidly.  i feel asleep very quickly and i didn't wake throughout the night.  prebath i had felt like i was getting a cold. the following day i was feeling very clear and uncongested.  coincidence?  maybe, but the recipe for this bath came from a woman who says her grandmother used this as a cold remedy.  so either this works or i've just convinced myself through the power of suggestion that it works. 

just in case you wanted to try this for yourself here is the ingredient list:

dry mix (combine and store)
2 cups epsom salt
2 cups sea salt
2 cups baking soda
5 tablespoons ground ginger

add 1 cup dry mix with 1 cup apple cider vinegar to a hot bath and soak for 40 minutes.  i'm going to suggest that you rinse with water afterwards and drink lots and lots of water.

happily engaged...

i was hoping to actually talk with you but since you won't meet with me or answer your phone for me, i guess i will just let you know via text.  i'm happily engaged!

talk about a message loaded with negative under tones.  blame.  guilt.  blame.  guilt.  followed with a surprise and a you should be happy for me because i am engaged and i've added a strange qualifier "happily" just so you and i know that i mean it.

am i writing this because i am jealous?  not in the least.  quite the opposite, i don't have a feeling either way.  i guess you could say i am indifferent.  there is a part of me that goes wow that was quick (less than a year), and there is a part that says i'm not surprised (there always seemed to be an agenda), and then there is also a part that says glad it isn't me (i want to be a part of something that is more natural and unplanned). 

there are so many things that i have not understood about this particular fella.  during our time together and especially since we parted ways.  he has been insistent on maintaining and building a friendship. i have not reciprocated by sharing my life events, but i answer his messages when he sends them.  it seems rude not to. 

for instance when i received the text from him date night, we are off to blah, blah, blah.   after getting over my initial shock, because i just didn't get why he was telling me about his date, i said i don't want to hear about your date nights.  or this one _________ vacation at the end of the month  (the same vacation we took the year before).  which i replied i hope you have a good time. 

now i get this message that i'm getting married.  i'm not sure what he anticipated my reaction to be, but i want to tell him to take a flying leap off a....you can fill in the blank.  i just don't understand the throwing your supposed happiness in my face.  after a snippy remark of hope you get everything you want out of life.  i get this... it's not what i want that's truly important it's what God has planned for me!  followed by i'm sorry i shared this via text but since you're not having any other contact with me it was the only way i could share.  i'd still like to build a friendship....

at this point i am ready to say i'm not interested in a friendship.  i am hesitant to say that because it seems so mean.  i don't want to hurt his feelings even though he is trying to hurt mine.  however, i would rather hear something than be ignored which is what i am doing at the moment.  i do hope this is the lasting relationship he has been seeking.  i know now more than ever that it wasn't with me.

beach babes...

 104 degrees

sandy beach

volleyball

babes

did an image of women's breasts in red swimsuits with lifesaving gear running down the beach just pop in to your head?  haha mine too.  however this isn't what i wanted to talk about, but it's funny how certain words, smells, and or sounds trigger a memory.  i can't tell you how many times i have been transported to a different time in my memory.

what i was going to talk about was mamma weekend 2012!!  yes it was hot in the hundreds.  yes we had a sandy beach right on the river.  yes there was volleyball on a sand court.  and obviously we are babes.  what in the world is mamma weekend?  once a year my mamma friends (my core group of girlfriends) get together to reconnect, rejuvenate and laugh until our sides and faces hurt.

this year i kind of screwed things up.  actually i really screwed up.  if you are my bestie you would use a whole lot of profanity to explain how royally i screwed up, but this is a family show so we will keep it clean.  i double booked my weekend.  i had arranged for myself to be in two places almost 200 miles from each otherat the same time.  either i have a revolutionary secret that i am just not sharing or i'm an idiot.  you're best bet is to choose option "b", because there is nothing revolutionary here.

i rolled into mamma weekend early saturday evening.  just in time for dinner, a game of bananagrams and two rounds of beach volleyball.  i still had plenty of time to shoot the breeze, poke fun at one another and reconnect with my best girlfriends.

since i missed most of mamma weekend i have limited stories to share, but my favorite part was volleyball.  with my arrival there were now even teams; four on four.  team a: duedue, schaff, lala and trickey.  team b: sam, shreddie, bethy and flo.  a quick run down on the teams

team a (reserved for those 5'5" and under):
lala - powerful under hand serve and always places it in the center
schaff - willing to sacrifice her body for a dig, she spent a good time rolling in the sand
duedue - her tactic scare 'em at the net
trickey - there is a reason she has the name trickey

team b (an amazing height advantage):
sam - more power than she knows what to do with, we needed a bigger court
shreddie - she would make a great coach
bethy - the MVP of our team
flo - i was worthless but i had good spirit

both teams expended too much energy laughing and crossing our legs so we wouldn't pee.  let's be real, we are all women who have given birth, excessive laughter can end badly for us.  team b called a lot of redo's.  team a got the shaft when they tried.  team b talked a big game.  team a had far better skills and whooped team b.

mamma weekend is one of those annual events that solidifies my relationships with the ladies and fills my heart.  i love you mammas

bad boys...

seems like men say "women like a bad boy" or "good guys always finish last".  i have always thought that was hogwash.  what woman wants to be treated badly?  well, i am learning as i get older and expose myself to different types of men that my idea of a bad boy is not as clear cut as i thought.

the type of man i am wanting in my life and the type of man i typically fall for seem to be different.  what?  could i possibly be a statistic in the bad boy cliche?  yes, i think i am.  i have this image of how i feel i should be treated, but that isn't the man who usually catches my eye.  how could i not have seen this before?

the bad boy in my head is covered in tattoos, smokes, chooses to be bald, rides a motorcycle with combat boots.  he lives on the fringe of the law, runs with an unsavory crowd, and believes that a womans main purpose is to serve men.  this man is abusive in all the forms that we typically think of; physically, emotionally, and sexually taking what he needs from the woman in his life.

i understand that i am pigeon holing a group of men based on appearance.  however i think we place a ton of value on what we "see".  first impressions are huge and if you appear to be a thug my brain places you in that category.  in my head i'm thinking, "well of course i don't fall for that guy, i'm a straight laced, rule following, midwest girl."

what my bad boy really looks like is a far cry from an outlaw.  he is well spoken, smart and current on what's happening in the world, but lacks the ability to be candid and open.  he is extremely self sufficient, driven, and ambitious because he has only had to care and think about himself.  he is passionate and sensual but only when it fits into his plans.  my bad boy is an artistic free spirit who resides on the edge of society unwilling to conform to the norm and i love that about him.

in my past relationships i have chosen this type of man.  although his packaging has been different, his underlying being is the same.  this man keeps my attention like a carrot on a string.  he gives just enough to keep me interested, but never the whole thing.  in the end i find myself frustrated, unsatisfied and less confident in myself.

lets switch gears.  what happens when i meet the nice guy?  you know that man i say i want but never go for?  i can tell you what i do.  i get scared.  i am out of my comfort zone.  the feeling, attention and consistency is foreign and overwhelming.  i don't trust my feelings and start to withdraw.  i suppose my thinking is i will bow out before the other shoe drops and he sees what a mess i am.

so what now?  well, with all things, recognition is the first step to correction.  in my heart i know what is best for me.  shushing my extremely loud conscience and allowing the courting to happen is challenging, but i have a feeling that it is worth it.

plan b...

i'm ready for a challenge.

an adventure.

presently, i want to throw every article of clothing i own out the window.  i have nice clothes.  most of them are timeless and in really good condition.  i am simply tired of wearing them.  i want something new to wear.  since throwing my clothes out the window is not really a viable solution i must go to plan b.

 

plan b = reworking what i already own.

 

 

i'm not huge on following trends.  there are trends happening right now that i can't stand.  neon.  i did the neon thing once when i was 10.  unless it is halloween i have no plans, at 36, dressing like a hi-liter.  for some reason neon seems like a juvenile trend to me.  when i see adults sporting fluorescent pink shorts i think really?  who are you trying to kid?  personally i think my outgoing personality and stellar smile is loud enough.

the "high-low" skirt.  although i think that garment can look really nice stylized by a professional for some off the wall photo shoot, i find the whole look indecisive.  as if to say i want a short skirt, no i want a long skirt, hey i know i will wear a short and long skirt.  it reminds me of split level homes.  you know those houses that you enter and you have to make a choice go up or go down?  can't stand.

anyway, i am not big on trends.  in my experience there is a small percentage of humans that can actually wear the current trends.  i take a different approach to fashion.  i stick to what suits my shape.  this approach can be rather mundane, but it works.  i prefer to wear clean, simple lines with just a smidge of kooky thrown in.  i'm not a pattern wearer, most of my clothes are solid colors and in the same color scheme. 

i have several items of clothing that if i knew how to adjust them a little (shorten the hem, fix a ripped seam) i could actually wear them.  this means i should take the sewing machine i have had for the past 10 years out of the box and learn how to use it.  learning how to sew is on my bucket list, maybe this is the year i will find the time to do it?

i have spent the last several months pining over clothes on pinterest, reading blogs about regular people and how they put their clothes together in interesting ways, and people watching.  there is so much inspiration to be had for anyone who pays attention.  well i'm thinking it's my time to put some of these ideas in to practice.  last year i did a clothing challenge, so we know that i am not lacking in the clothing department.  i simply need to get creative. 

coffee debacle...



if it doesn't involve something brewed, sex or bacon there is no reason to be up before 8.

wise words, from a hysterically funny friend. 

work day mornings for me are extremely predictable.  i follow a very planned out routine.  this morning did not go as planned.  there is that saying third times a charm i can happily say it rang true for me today.

my alarm goes off at 6am. i am usually up way before then, but i doze in and out of really being awake.  when my alarm actually goes off i hit snooze exactly two times before i get out of bed.  during those 9 minutes my coffee is brewing.  without fail i prepare it the night before so i can wake to the smell and sound of hot coffee.

this morning i laid in my bed listening for the sounds of heaven, but i didn't hear a thing.  a confused and somewhat dazed form of myself lazily plodded to the kitchen.  the pot was empty.  i cannot express the disappointment that washed over me.  apparently i forgot to press the delay brew button.  ON.  this mamma needs some coffee, let's start brewing.

i climbed back in bed and listened to the sounds of heaven filling the carafe.  when the last drip fell, i climbed back out of bed and made my way to the kitchen.  the carafe was not filled with the delicious nectar of the gods it was lightly tinted water.  are you kidding me?  is this some evil trick?  what kind of karma is coming back at me? 

so the reason why the delay was not pressed was because i never finished prepping my coffee the night before.  probably somewhere between cleaning the cat litter, taking out the trash, making dinner and getting two kids ready for soccer i forgot to grind the beans.  after putting away a counter full of clean dishes that had been drying overnight, i could get to my grinder. there is nothing worse than the whirring of the coffee grinder in the morning.  it is such an abrasive, in your face, horrific noise.

empty the tinted water

refill the back of the coffee pot

put the freshly ground beans in the filter

press start

crawl back to bed

wait

at exactly 6:45am the skies opened up and i poured my first cup of heaven.  it was the most captivating sight, watching the rich brown nectar mix and swirl with the creamy vanilla goodness.  i'm pretty sure i floated back to my bed, cozied up in my covers and gingerly sipped the best thing to grace my lips in the morning.  there are definitely better things that can grace one's lips, but for this gal it is currently coffee.

i was able to salvage my morning. according to my friend, i can only expect a sub par day.  i finally had my coffee.  i made bacon.  instead of  sex i came up with the next best thing...mini cinnamon rolls. 

i found the recipe for the mini cinis on iowagirleats.com, she has some great recipes and who doesn't love a girl from iowa?