funny how i am struggling to find the words to share my latest adventure. my thoughts seem to be stuck inside unwilling or maybe unable to to find an exit. i'm not sure how to capture the feeling through words, but i will give it shot.
i should start with that it almost didn't happen. there was a lot of trepidation and hesitation. it is not everyday that i fly across our great nation to meet a complete stranger. sure you can get a feel for someone through conversation, but it is totally different being in the same physical space as that person. sitting at the airport surrounded by hundreds of people, not knowing a soul, made me feel small and insignificant. my AD (alone disorder), kicked in full swing. to top it off i was exhausted beyond belief, nervous about how things were going to go, and getting sick to my stomach. in the end i boarded the plane.
all of the anxiety and nervousness washed away when i saw him. he is the most handsome man i have ever seen, ever. forget about your brad pitts or fireman calendar pin-ups, they've got nothing on this man. he has the kindest, gentlest eyes i've ever had the pleasure of looking in to. they are captivating. but they are framed by these eyebrows that are playful and add a bit of mischief. when you couple that with the coy smirk of his mouth, it is perfection.
as you can tell i was smitten. the fact that i had now been awake for 24+ hours didn't seem to matter. i was a little girl enamored with a new puppy. i'm sure i looked like a fool; haggard and disheveled with more zits than a 15 year old (stress played a nasty trick on my face) and a ridiculously cheesy grin. i couldn't help myself, i was hooked from the get go. i was now running on pure adrenaline, admiration and awe of this ridiculously handsome man that i was sitting next to. i can tell you that didn't wane at all throughout my weekend, i caught myself staring, soaking him in, and cataloging him in my memory.
like any vacation you stay up late, eat horribly unhealthy food, and partake in activities that you just don't do in a regular day. we did all of these. i'm pretty sure i gained at least 15 pounds in 3 days. food has a way of bringing people together. for some reason when a platter of delicious food is before you conversation seems to be easier. maybe it is the addition of the spirits that are accompanying the food, or maybe it is just attraction and a desire to learn more, or maybe it's voodoo. whatever the case, we had tons of great conversations filled with laughter and revelations.
we recorded our adventure on the app where this all started, sharing with our fellow blip friends how things were going. our banters, laughter, and playfulness are preserved forever. i had promised a photo to our friends and we were challenged to make it creative. i am pretty sure we didn't disappoint. even if no one else liked our photo we laughed hysterically making it. he actually took a video and chose a still shot then added some ridiculously outrageous headline to take it to the next level.
waking up on sunday, realizing that the fantasy was ending and i was heading home was hard. as you all know i am horrible at controlling my thoughts and emotions. i failed horribly at trying to keep my composure. our breakfast was very silent. i was deep in thought, he seemed to be too, but i didn't ask any questions. when we got back to his place i busied myself with packing my belongings, but once that was done the tears started to flow. i was embarrassed that i couldn't hold it together. as progressive and modern as i was pretending to be (we are going to have a fun weekend with no expectations or obligations), i am an old fashioned girl hoping and praying for mr. right to enter my life.
there was so much i wanted to say on the way to airport, but i bit my tongue. the reality is we live on opposite sides of the country, but my ego wanted to know if i had left a lasting impression. he pulled up to the curb. we shared one last embrace. i searched his face for an answer, a clue, anything. i thanked him for a lovely time and casually said, "if you are ever in washington look me up." i turned to wave and walked through the doors into the airport. i wanted to look back but didn't want to embarrass myself anymore than i already had. the bubble i had lived in for the weekend had just burst and i was left slumped against a cold foreign wall wondering what will happen next.
the future is always an unknown. there is no way to predict what will happen next. even those with the best laid out plans still falter and fail. i come away from this experience knowing that i met and connected with an amazing man. if i ever have the chance to see him again i would make sure it happened. i am proud that i didn't chicken out and let an opportunity pass me by. living requires risk and i am choosing to live instead of observe.
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